This Sunday, the WWE puts on their annual "rematch of every major WrestleMania match except the Undertaker one" PPV. Mercifully, they found a real opponent for John Cena this time.
The Card:
Main Eventing Without Any Gold Attached, Because the WWE Title is Only for Mere Mortals Who Care About Such Petty Things:
Kayfabe: everyone in the WWE locker room is rooting for John Cena to take out this mercenary who just came back for money and personal glory and doesn't care one iota about the WWE. They were cool with The Rock though.
Winner Gets the WWE Title; Losers Gets a Liquor Basket
Kayfabe: Jericho figured that the trauma of successfully defending his title at WrestleMania would drive Punk to the bottle. Mizreally.gif.
Sheamus Gets Booed Out of the Building in 36-54 Seconds, 2 out of 3 Fall Match
(Actual unadulterated photo)
Kayfabe: Daniel Bryan is a huge dick to AJ and kind of a dick to everyone else. Sheamus won the Royal Rumble and his prize was to be a prop in the "Daniel Bryan becomes an elite main event superstar" angle.
Bearer-Murdering Contest
Kayfabe: I still have no idea why these guys hate each other, but I have a feeling cooler heads will prevail now that they've got the whole "desire to kill Paul Bearer" thing in common.
Cody Rhodes Attempts to Win IC Belt Back, Shrink It Back Down to Normal Size
Kayfabe: Big Show exorcised his WrestleMania demons by finally having a moment and beating Cody for the Intercontinental Title. Unfortunately now he's completely out of breath, so that's probably about as far as that victory train goes.
The Fauxhawk Attempts to Regain Past US Title Glory Against the Sock Puppet
Kayfabe: There is no back story. Vince just thought this match up in the middle of last night's episode of Raw.
Brilliant OP. Extreme Rules was really good last year, but it's hard for me to imagine a situation where Punk/Y2J doesn't steal the show, and Brock/Cena is just the dirtiest finish ever to carry the feud.
I really like that mugshot of Jericho. Really makes him look like a smug bastard, since he knows that all he did was just get arrested for public intoxication and it is not really going to hurt him anyway.
Helms' mugshot however which is this one looks like he knows he's going to get future-endeavored and guess what, he did.
I like the card so far, though there's room to fill in quite a bit still. I don't care about Rhodes/Show or Orton/kane but the top 3 matches carry this one.
My predictions, in order of confidence (from most confident to least confident):
Extremely sure:
1. Orton over Kane. I'm part of the 99% who doesn't care how this happens, or even that it happens, but Orton is certainly winning this.
Fairly sure:
2. Santino over Miz. I think they're just killing time with this one and are using one of their most over faces to warm the crowd up. I don't see them using this match for a title change.
Somewhat sure:
3. Punk over Jericho. Clearly Punk is winning the feud when all is said and done, and if they were going to temporarily strap Jericho, I think it would have happened at Mania.
Meh not really confident in my picks anymore:
4. Lesnar over Cena. Cena's losing streak continues, Lesnar is pushed toward a WWE title shot.
5. Bryan over Sheamus. Chicago crowd is 100% behind D-Bry. AJ helps Bryan win the third fall and the title. Sheamus attacks the official for missing the help, then starts backing down AJ before Bryan steps in the way to defend her. Double turn completed by the end of the following Raw.
6. Cody over Show. There's a logjam at the top, so Cody should go back to holding down the top midcard belt. I can't imagine they plan to make this a long reign for Big Show.
7. Dolph Ziggler becomes the greatest babyface in WWE history, and The Miz interferes in Rock/Cena II.
Two Plus Two
looks like he knows he's going to get future-endeavored and guess what, he did.
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