Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Why are they fighting: I guess because they need something to do. Randy jumped Chris a couple weeks ago to celebrate the season premier of Raw, a show on which they blew off the Jericho/Wyatt feud because I guess Bray has some pigs feet to pickle or something and couldn't be on the PPV (A Bray/Show preshow match seems likely, doesn't it?).

Prediction: Jericho's done after this, so you assume Randy goes over. The other result wouldn't shock me, neither dude's position changes much regardless. These dudes are good enough that this should be entertaining if not a bit slow.

What I want: Randy to just squash the **** out of Jericho, who I'm just not feeling. One of the great benefits of not watching much WWE over the last 10 years is that I'm not nearly as tried of Orton as I feel like others are.

Mark Henry vs. Rusev

Why are they fighting: Because Rusev hates American and Mark Henry does not. Henry's shown up and kicked around Rusev a few times, and has generally been dominant in their feud.

Prediction: Hard to say. There's arguments to push both guys, but I think Rusev goes over as they keep building toward him being a main event heel.

What I want: The camera never to leave Lana. I don't really care about Mark Henry and have little interest in watching him wrestle more. Rusev is interesting, but I'm not sure he's interesting working against Henry.

Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

Why are they fighting: Because Seth broke up the Shield and murdered Dean Ambrose and Roman remembered they're friends juussst a bit too late.

Prediction: Seth wins with help from Kane. The Seth/Shield story needs to end with Dean winning, not Roman. The match itself could be good, but the preview we got on RAW didn't exactly make you feel positive.

What I want: I'm really not sure. I'm so conflicted about Roman right now that I can't decide if I want them to push him too the moon or back off on him and let him get more seasoning. Seth winning dirty feels too obvious to be what I want, but I think it makes the most sense and the WWE making sense does mean something to me.

Paige vs. AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella

Why are they fighting: Because AJ and Paige are both in love with a magical genie (we'll call him Dids) who lives in the title belt. Nikki is there because we need to keep her and Brie relevant and it's too early for their match.

Prediction: Paige goes over after Brie interferes to cost Nikki. AJ loses in a way that removes her from the picture for a while. I have very low expectations here, because while Paige and AJ are great, there's a huge chance of nonsense and 3 ways are generally dumb.

What I Want: If I'm being honest, hot makeouts. Beyond that- anything but a Nikki win.

The Usos vs. Goldust & Stardust

Why are they fighting: Cody read too many Jack Kirby comics and went crazy and decided that they need to steal the Usos Infinity Gems.

Predictions: Dust bros win clean. Usos just feel really stale right now and need to go away. This will be a as good a match as you can pull out of the Usos, which should be pretty good, but will suffer from their role in it being no different than it's been in their last two PPV matches. Lots of jumping and kicking.

What I Want: Luke Harper and Eric Rowan to show up, wreck ****, and take what's theirs.

Sheamus vs. Cesaro

Why are They Fighting: Because wrestling? They've had small beef forever, but nothing's really been developed beyond "They're going to have a match so the heel ****s with the face".

Prediction: Cesaro goes over. It's time, he needs it slightly more than Sheamus. This match will ****ing own and make the WWE look bad for not promoting it more.

What I Want: This match to go 35 minutes.

Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz

Why are they Fighting: Dolph won the IC belt off of Miz (I think, the belt's been a complete afterthought in the feud and I'm making a point not to confirm who has it because it's been made clear to me that doesn't matter) and they've been wrestling eachother in comedy matches for what feels like 8 months. The best part of any of this has been Sandow. Maybe he gets to work for Dolph if Dolph wins.

Prediction: Dolph wins and hopefully moves on to something that doesn't involve a guy who we can stop caring about now that his movie doesn't need promotion.

What I Want: Sandow steals the belt and kicks everybody in the face. The Miz is never on my TV again.

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

Why are they Fighting: Because Cena Luv Da Kids or something.

Prediction: Brock wins a non squash, but Cena going over feels equally likely. The match is probably good, but it's really hard to care about it.

What I Want: Either of the following 1- Brock in a 4 minute squash 2- Brock wins a long match, Seth tries to cash on Brock, Dean shows up and stops him. Sets up something interesting with Brock vs The Authority, continues Dean/Seth, nobody cares about Cena.

Overall only the Divas match seems likely to be bad, and there's a legit chance it could be good. It's just so hard to get too into this because the booking between Summer Slam and now has been so boring. Hopefully this is where it all turns.

Orton-Jericho seems like it's a lock to be:
1) Objectively defensible from a cold technical ringwork standpoint.
2) Nigh impossible to get into even if the wrestling is decent.

Every other match I could find at least some level of interest in, but Orton-Jericho has been done before and is just impossible for me to care about at this point. Unfortunately even though he's an all-time favorite of mine, Jericho has hit a point for me similar to what Curt Hennig was in WCW, where he's not even a minor draw for my viewership anymore and it makes me feel bad that he isn't.

This is exactly how I feel and it makes me sad.

It dawned on me, and then Shoemaker has the same idea- we got a Seth/Roman on RAW because we're not getting it Sunday.

agree w LKJ on jericho. he's one of my top 3 favorite wrestlers of all time and yet whenever he's on screen nowadays i can't bear to watch.

I think it's just damn impossible to have a face show up for a fixed duration appointment. How can I care about a guy when I know he's going to go away and tour with his band? It works if you're a mercenary heel, otherwise no.

I am not going to care about Jericho just 'cause he's Jericho, because the Jericho I care about and like is not Cool Dad, it's WCW Cruiserweight Battle Royale introducing, List of Holds Reading Heel Jericho.

Reigns has emergency surgery. Out for tomorrow

Stone Cold Ambrose appearance pretty much guaranteed now.

Nice prediction.

Or maybe Romian Reignzdow? (They'd probably be considering this if he wasn't a lock to be involved in the IC title match in some capacity)

Romian Reignsdow > Roman Reigns

the only reason i think cena might win is cuz they have to do something with the briefcase assuming rollins will be the one holding it. the only other option is him cashing in to close wrestlemania on whichever face beats bork if cena loses

They don't have to do anything with the briefcase yet. Just let him hold on to the damn thing.

WWE always says that winners have a year to cash it in. We're not even three months in yet.

yeah really. edge waited 10 months to cash it in in 2006.

A+ pun WWE.

I thought this was a joke until I just read the sd/raw viewing thread and then looked at a wrestling forum. Laughed. Haven't read anything about it but I assume this is the kind of injury that's maybe a few weeks to two months off so unfortunately he even has a comeback story for the Rumble if they go that route.

Also, I had the same thing when I was 6-7 years old.

When I think how incredible NoC was 3 years ago as the Mark Henry monster push hit its apex, it makes me sad knowing how little I care for tonight's edition. Will probably watch the Steelers game instead tbh.

Sucks for Roman-but some time off TV might be pretty good for him. Saves him from getting the monster push nobody was ready for him to have.

I essentially feel this way about DB when WWE began saddling him with a Brie storyline right after WM.

The writing has sucked beyond belief recently, but the in-ring action for all 7 announced matches should be passable at worst.

I can see better wrestling by checking out some Japanese shows. The announcing is better too. I'm not sure if it still would be if I could understand what they are saying, though.

I haven't watched at all since SumerSlam. Is Bray hurt or buried so bad now that he doesn't get a match on a PPV? Also is Cena/Brock likely to be a repeat of SS with Brock squashing Cena?

bray wyatt gimmick got old fast and he's not good enough in the ring to keep people interested.

cena/lesnar can go either way imo but i think lesnar is the favorite

reluctantly in btw

DirecTV no good for me tonight. Anyone got a river or a NetWORK ($9.99) feed for me?

Cheers!

Yay, Christian kicking off the preshow with a promo.

Very
intriguing
people
like
earl
anderson
got
uppity
erstwhile
.
should've
xylophoned