Having played live for several years, I feel like I've observed at least a couple traits that are almost dead-on predictors that someone is (in one way or another) just outright ****ing horrible at poker. Comments/additions welcome:

1. In NLHE, physically lifting their hole cards off of the table to cup them in their hands and look at them that way.

Every single person I have seen do this over the last 9 years (including myself when I was starting out) played like absolute dog****, to a man, no exception. What gives? Are they trying to mimic the oldtimey Western movies with the dudes playing five card draw in a saloon?

2. Doing half-assed versions of chip tricks that don't require any manual dexterity; i.e. instead of shuffling chips, lifting off half of a stack, placing it to the side, then taking the bottom half and putting it on top of this one, rinse and repeat.

This one isn't as reliable since some people just have minimal live experience, but when observed in civil war veteran fossil-type old dudes or younger bro types I feel like it speaks to a desire to look cool without actually spending a lot of time working at it.

3. Buy in and rebuy with oversized chips from pit games, especially at lower limits. This one also isn't 100% but I feel can be powerful corroborating evidence for an assumption that someone sucks at the pokers.

For example, if it's a college age kid in a hoodie, or a professional looking middle aged dude, he may just like carrying chips instead of cash. If it's a European guy with his shirt open down to his navel drinking imported beer, however, chances are you've got a live one.

very true...

Is this a "things horrible players do" or "things horrible posters do" post?

Horrible players call me when I bluff. I hate it.

LOL I do #1 and #3 all the time, knowing exactly the fishy image I project.

Things that really bother me:

(1) When a player always announces "raise," calls the bed, and then takes like 5 minutes figuring out his raise. It isn't always true but these are usually players who think that they are a lot better than they are.

(2) Online, players who show their hands after people fold every single time. 100% terrible, all of them.

#2 is spot on.

Haven't figured out the answer to this one yet.

Play their hands face up

Bluff too often

Don't bluff enough

Call getting incorrect odds

Fold getting correct odds

Keep their chips in stacks of 10 or 8 or 4.

Hm, really, you need him to pack out some big chips to be sure then?

Stop looking for shortcuts!

Fair enough, I kind of wanted a bit of an extreme example for effect.

- Worry excessively about other players' chip tricks

- Worry excessively about how other players check their hole cards

- Worry excessively about what other entertainment the other players find at the casino

You sure cut him to the quick, you did.