That is completely unacceptable.

"Chips!" My wife is going to kill me because I went over my stop loss again.

some of these are absolute gold and very true!


"XX never loses!" XX loses about 80% of the time against a normal stack-off range

"Let's gamble!" I have the nuts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XunAlp2azhA)

When someone leaves broke and comes back they ahve always just won their buy in at blackjack when really they have dont their nuts at blackjack but don't want to appear like they are losers.

people who tap the table - I just got really lucky playing like a complete spazz or I just majorly coolered someone.

'Nice hands' - I'm a moron who can't see that it is not a nice hand when you ahve kings and the other guy has aces.

'I'd never ever call clock on anyone'

I should be able to look sadly at my ak/kk/ big hand etc for at least ten minutes with no intention of ever calling wasting everyone's time.

'I think it is immoral to not do a bubble deal. We've all been playing too long not to cash.'

I am playing my case money, am really short stacked and want to emotionally blackmail the cl who has been taking risks whilst I've been folding to accept a bubble deal.

"I was repping XX!" XX always gets payed off so I was just spewing

"you called me with a high/third pair?!!!"

A high or third pair is good

"I can't beleive you called with [insert 2 unsuited cards with a gap of 3 or higher]!"

I don't know how to fold AA postflop so I elect to berate you for hitting 2-pair/trips/FH with trash despite the fact you have been c/c postflop for the past 3 hours and this was the first hand you raised postflop.

"Being offsuit in NLHE is just as good as being suited because you have two possibilities of making flushes.": I will play ATC.

No that one means I am a wind up merchant that posts on two plus two

"It's the only way I could win": I just bluffed away an extra $200 with a missed straight draw when it was perfectly clear that my opponent had top 2 pair and wasn't folding the river.

"I've never played in a casino before": I play here 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, and I've never seen you here before.


--klez

we old guys/gals are out of our league with you young internet players= underestimate and stereotype me please!

I don't play that often= every day if I can

I can see your cards= for the last 2 hours and someone else has noticed

"How could you call the river with that?" = "I have no concept of sizing my bet as a percentage of the pot and don't realize I'm giving you 6:1 to pick off my scared little bluff."

you can get around all this by practicing Mum poker,
and only acknowledging Mum poker.

bass fishing talk at the table I can handle.