What is the best needle you've ever heard?

Live, TV, online, whatever.

V1 comes to the table.
V2 asks, "how much you buying in for?
V1 replies, "175"
V2 says "thanks" then pulls out his I-phone and starts surfing the web.
V1 asks him "what are you doing?"
V2 replies, "I'm seeing what I can buy on Amazon for $175"

Over talkative and donkish V1 asks "try and guess what I'd do if I won the bad beat jackpot for $80,000?"

V2 responds: "move up in stakes and donk it all away?"

"Can I have that rubber band when you're done with it? (long story, posted in the last iteration of this thread)

Best needle I've seen was by a HUSNG grinder named riyyc225. He was up 4k playing 2k HUSNGs against a fish and was about to lose the third match. Guy he's playing says "you lose" and riyyc replies, "no, you lose. i'm up $2000 and i'm quitting after this."

Hero sits down at a table with a poo-poo faced little boy who looks up and says..."crap, it's YOU! I hate playing with you!"

Hero lifts hand to ear and says "Hark...I do believe I hear the 'Desparate-Cry-of-the Whiney-Grinder'. Good to know those little nimrods are still around."

Guy playing 100% of hands states he's waiting for a hand he can fold and will then leave the table.

Couple of hands later he opens UTG and is called. It gets to show down and the player shows 72o UTG. Another player asking him "Are you waiting to be dealt only 1 card?".(Lee, 2011)

playing a very friendly home game, we set all the chips at the same amount so we divided them up by color. I had all Whites to start, another had all Reds, etc.

I'm in the BB and grab a blue chip and say casually "I'll ante with MIKE'S money."

Table erupts in laughter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpVgdeNKHAY

The one on hellmuth is good

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/54...eadsup-491103/

Just a classic.

Oh god, I'm going to love this thread. Adopting the "I'm seeing what I can buy on Amazon" one.

I literally LOLed at the one on the first page where somebody says a/s/l?

After felting a punk..."Swing by the gift shop on your way out. They sell clues there, and you don't have one"

I occasionally love partaking in a needle. These are a couple of my favorites I have said to others.

Online:

Me: Where did you learn to play poker?
Guy: Your Mom.
Me: You must have, because she doesn't even know how to play poker.

Live:

Me: You play poker like Russian Roulette with 5 bullets in the chamber. (the guy thought that was very funny)

2/4 Limit. My friend has pocket A's UTG and raises. He gets several callers. the flop was Q 2 7 rainbow. He bets and one of the callers in middle position raises, so he repops it and the raiser caps. Now it's heads-up. Turn was a rag. He checks the capper bets and he calls. River was a rag...no straights or flushes possible. My friend check calls the river. The middle position guy flip over Q 2 offsuit for flopped two pair! My friend turns over his pocket A's and asks him "If you cold call a raise with Q 2 off suit, what hands do you fold?"