A man in Soviet Hungary is waiting in line at the state butchers for four hours, just as he gets to the front to get his small piece of grissle, they say they are all out and close the butcher.

The man finally snaps, and starts screaming at the top of his voice about how corrupt the system is, how much better it was before communism and how he just wants a small bit of meat. The man behind him grabs him and says "Comrade be quiet - you know what will happen if you continue".

The man calms down, stops and goes back to see his wife. He enters the house and his wife asks where the meat is. He says "I stood in line for four hours and then they ran out".

She replies: "Wow - are things really that bad?!"

If you don't know what "revisionism" in communist parlance is, you won't get all of this joke, but here goes.

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Breszhnev, and Gorbachev are riding in a train. It comes to a halt and the conductor informs them there is no more track.

Lenin says "rally the workers to rapidly lay more track."
Stalin says "take ten workers and shoot them."
Khrushchev says "just turn around and go back to the station."
Breszhnev says "pull the shades and tell everyone we are still moving."
Gorbachev says "just keep going cross country, that'll work."

You can use almost any organic matter as a fuel... Mussolini made the trains run on thyme...

A KGB joke I once heard:

4 men are sharing a room, and soon 3 of them start a bottle of vodka, whilst the 4th man attempts to sleep. The 3 drinking gradually get more rambunctious singing and making fun of the communist party, to the chagrin of the man attempting to sleep.
So he discreetly slips out of the room and orders some tea to be brought up to his room in 5 minutes. He then proceeds back to his room and joins the other three.
A few minutes pass, and he non chalantly walks over to an ash tray in the room and calmly says "please send up a pot of tea, comrade major". A moment later, there's a knock on the door, and a maid places a pot of tea on the table.
Stunned, the other three join the 4th man in bed.
Next morning, the 4th man wakes up to find the other three dead. Panicking, he runs out to the main desk and enquires what had happened to his companions, and the receptionist replies "it's best of you don't ask", to which he replies "but why am I still alive?!". The receptionist replies "well, the comrade major enjoyed your tea joke immensely."

Why do the secret police always use three officers to interrogate a prisoner?

One to read the prepared interrogation questions.

One to write down the prisoner's responses.

And one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

What is a rookie learning first in the Polish army? - "I give up" in German

---
Ad in a newspaper 1946:

For sale:
French infantry rifle, never used, once dropped down.

If World War I was a bar fight

The redneck should of said "Go back to India" to the Native American.

That's pretty good, except

• the alleged bar stool was actually a feather duster
• America never actually claimed, in the bar, to have won the fight single-handedly; that's just what America's kids said in the schoolyard the next day
• Britain didn't punch Germany so early in the fight, they just pulled Belgium away from Germany's reach and left it propped up behind the bar until the fight was over.
• they missed Australia and Canada hitting Germany in the head while Britain landed body blows (eventually using the spitoon) and France cried in its beer,
• after throwing Russia through the window, Germany switched from brawling to kung fu
• they missed the part where Britain got Turkey's Arab waiter to distract Turkey while Britain snuck around and coshed Turkey in the back of the head.

Q:How many gears does a french tank have?


A: Five, four reverse gears and one forward. Sometmes the enemy may atack from behind

OK, the standard:

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

From the movie, The Cheap Detective:

John Houseman Character: In 1853 a little known historical fact occurred. Twelve Albanian fisherman conquered China, Tibet and Mongolia.

Peter Falk Character: My goodness, I didn't know that.

JH: That's because you didn't take history in Albania. . .

who were ireland's first gay guys?

who were Scotland's first gay guys?


Ben Doon and Phil McCavity

lol that took me a minute

What was Hitler's favorite board game?

I always knew the latter as Phil McCracken

On that note, did you hear they discovered two new uses for sheep in Scotland?

When Hillary fell down and got a concussion a reporter asked Bill "How's Hillary's head?"

WWII
Guy: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic" Priest: "Well, I do not see anythign wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war" Guy: "But Father, I collected rent from for every week that he stayed" Priest: "Well, that is not a good deed, but it was for a good cause, so that is fine." Guy: "... but Father.... should I tell him the war is over?"

Nice sharing with all of us from your side guys. I like this and would love to come back this thread again when ever I will free from mine tours.

After his second conquest of Milan from the Austrian, Napoleon Bonaparte arranged a grand ball and banquet in a palace, but was furious to discover that it's paintings and sculptures had been disappeared during his absence. Circulating among his honored guests, hr declared in his Corsican Italian, his mother's tongue, "Gli Italiani tutti ladroni" (All Italians are thieves). The repartee of the pretty and witty Countess Caracciolo of Sicily was: " Not all sir, not all but a buona parte" (a good part).

thank u for sharing

You're welcome.

This is a joke in its early stages: The set-up is that Caracalla, the Roman emperor, infamously urinated on the side of a road. He is famous for that because he was assassinated while doing that, lol. Imagine if Trump or Obama, stopped walking with their entourage to pee on the side of their path, lol.