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Old 09-25-2012, 01:41 AM   #1
betgo
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History jokes thread

I wanted to post this joke, so I guess the best way would be to start a joke thread.

American asks Britain "Why did you burn Washington?"

Britain replies "We did? I know we burnt Joan of Arc, but I thought George died in his bed."
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Old 09-25-2012, 04:25 AM   #2
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Re: History jokes thread

If your other 23,812 posts were this bad then you are a plague on mankind.
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Old 09-25-2012, 05:42 AM   #3
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Re: History jokes thread

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If your other 23,812 posts were this bad then you are a plague on mankind.
I've never seen him insult anyone. I'll take that plague over quite a few others.
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Old 09-25-2012, 02:19 PM   #4
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Re: History jokes thread

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If your other 23,812 posts were this bad then you are a plague on mankind.
Maybe you didn't understand it. I told the joke to someone who has written a bunch of books on history, and who couldn't stop laughing. Am I supposed to explain the references to the Hundred Years War and War of 1812.
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Old 09-25-2012, 03:42 PM   #5
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Re: History jokes thread

I got the reference.


It was simply a jest in the mood of humor. I figured since it was a joke thread that would be understood.
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:38 PM   #6
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Re: History jokes thread

This is the story of the Jewish Fergusons. Not many people know there is a line of Jewish Fergusons in New Jersey, but there is.

A family of German Jews arrives at Ellis Island. The immigration agent asks their name, the father tells him, and he replies "WOT?" The father repeats their name. "WOT?" This goes on a couple more times, until finally the frustrated father says "I forgot" in Yiddish, which is "shoyn vergessen."

"Oh, Sean Ferguson, why didn't you say so."

And ever after, there have been Jewish Fergusons.
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Old 09-25-2012, 08:19 PM   #7
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Re: History jokes thread

If you walk into the bathroom and your Russian. But, when you come out of the bathroom your American. What are you when your in the bathroom?





Spoiler:
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Old 10-02-2012, 11:20 AM   #8
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Re: History jokes thread

wat
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Old 10-02-2012, 05:39 PM   #9
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Re: History jokes thread

David Barton

*Rimshot*
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Old 10-04-2012, 01:53 PM   #10
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Re: History jokes thread

Napoleon's Mother: All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:26 PM   #11
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Though none of us knew it, Hitler was overweight. Its only been recently that we've found out how extensively the Nazis tried to hide this fact: using camera angles, doctoring photos, baggy uniforms, chest high podiums, ect.

And they would have been succesful had he not lost The Battle of The Buldge.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:42 PM   #12
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Re: History jokes thread

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?

Because there were so many knights.
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Old 10-13-2012, 12:00 PM   #13
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Re: History jokes thread

The ecological fight at ok coral.
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Old 10-14-2012, 09:00 PM   #14
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Re: History jokes thread

An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained;

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any ****ing Frenchmen to show it to."
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Old 10-21-2012, 05:55 AM   #15
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Re: History jokes thread

I have two, both of which will date me as an old guy.

I heard this one when I was a boy scout in the early 70s:

A cargo plane is carrying three passengers that needed to be someplace in a hurry: Henry Kissenger, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces a major mechanical malfunction, that the plane is going down, and the passengers should grab parachutes and jump. The three passengers run back to where the luggage and the parachutes are all stored. The boy scout gets there first, and sees that there are only two parachutes. He picks one up and hands it to the priest, and says, "here father, even if I grew up to be 100, I'd never be as good a man as a priest. I'll stay aboard."

The priest says, "nonsense, my son, you are a fine lad with a long life ahead of you," and hands the bundle back to the boy.

Meanwhile, Kissenger grabs a bundle for himself, and says, "I am THE Henry Kissenger. I am the secretary of State. You two argue over the other chute, I am far too valuable to the world to die," straps in and jumps.

The priest shakes his head sadly, and says "take that chute and go with God, my son."

Spoiler:


__________________________________

I heard this one back when I was in the army toward the end of the cold war. I was told it was actually making the rounds in the Soviet War College.

An instructor at the Soviet War College is lecturing on the conduct of the defense. He sets up a hypothetical:

"Comrades, you have command of a Motorized Rifle Division. On your left is an American division conducting a fixing attack. On your right is a German Panzer division conducting a main attack. Against which force should you commit your reserve regiment and why?"

A student raises his hand and is called on. "I would release my reserve against the German Panzer division. It is the main attack, and, therefore, the main threat to my division."

"Wrong!" shouts the instructor. "You must attack the Americans. Very well, now let us suppose that the Germans have broken into your rear area. Do you counterattack the Germans or the Americans?"

Another student raises his hand and is called on. "Now the circumstances have changed, we must seal the breach in our defense, we must counterattack the Germans."

"Wrong!" shouts the instructor. "The Americans! You must always attack the Americans first, comrade."

"But why?" asks a student. You are telling us to always attack the Americans before the Germans. Why?

Spoiler:
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Old 10-24-2012, 02:34 PM   #16
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Re: History jokes thread

Here is one I commonly open my 19th-Century America class with:

As you grow up and go through educational institutions, your views on the causes of the Civil War inevitably change and gain nuance. Something like this...

Grade School: The Civil War was about slavery and how it was bad.

High School: Well, really the Civil War was about States' Rights and the role of the federal government and stuff like that.

Undergraduate: Actually, there is complex array of factors in the Civil War--beliefs about the powers of the States regarding constitutional legitimacy, a schism over the nature of labor in Western expansion, differing ways of life in the South and North, the role of cotton in international trade, and of course the question of abolition.

Graduate: Let's cut the bull****, shall we? The Civil War was ultimately about slavery.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:22 PM   #17
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Re: History jokes thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turn Prophet View Post
Here is one I commonly open my 19th-Century America class with:

As you grow up and go through educational institutions, your views on the causes of the Civil War inevitably change and gain nuance. Something like this...

Grade School: The Civil War was about slavery and how it was bad.

High School: Well, really the Civil War was about States' Rights and the role of the federal government and stuff like that.

Undergraduate: Actually, there is complex array of factors in the Civil War--beliefs about the powers of the States regarding constitutional legitimacy, a schism over the nature of labor in Western expansion, differing ways of life in the South and North, the role of cotton in international trade, and of course the question of abolition.

Graduate: Let's cut the bull****, shall we? The Civil War was ultimately about slavery.
ahahaha that is soo true. The Yale ''Civil war and reconstruction'' by David Blight actually starts with this joke.
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Old 11-28-2012, 09:50 AM   #18
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Re: History jokes thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by RockardGB View Post
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained;

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any ****ing Frenchmen to show it to."
This one needs more

I'm not so good with jokes, but pictures says more than a bunch of words anyways







My favourite

Spoiler:
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Old 12-30-2012, 05:04 PM   #19
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Re: History jokes thread

Napoleon wasn't always known as such.

He was originally christened Jacques Coustarde.

When he was little and sitting on his mummys knee,
he would wriggle about a lot.

She said "I shall rename you Napoleon"

"why for?" replied the child.

"Because Napoleon, you have a lot of Boney partes"
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:58 PM   #20
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Re: History jokes thread

from the Lincoln movie with DDL, had the whole theater laughing:

"One of Lincoln's favorite anecdotes sprang from the early days just after the Revolution. Shortly after the peace was signed, the story began, the Revolutionary War hero Ethan Allen 'had occasion to visit England,' where he was subject to considerable teasing banter. The British would make "fun of the Americans and General Washington in particular and one day they got a picture of General Washington" and displayed it prominently in the outhouse so Mr. Allen could not miss it. When he made no mention of it, they finally asked him if he had seen the Washington picture. Mr. Allen said, 'He thought that it was a very appropriate [place] for an Englishman to Keep it. Why they asked, for said Mr. Allen there is Nothing that Will Make and Englishman sh*t So quick as the Sight of Gen. Washington.'"
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Old 12-31-2012, 11:41 PM   #21
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Re: History jokes thread

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Originally Posted by General Tsao View Post
from the Lincoln movie with DDL, had the whole theater laughing:

"One of Lincoln's favorite anecdotes sprang from the early days just after the Revolution. Shortly after the peace was signed, the story began, the Revolutionary War hero Ethan Allen 'had occasion to visit England,' where he was subject to considerable teasing banter. The British would make "fun of the Americans and General Washington in particular and one day they got a picture of General Washington" and displayed it prominently in the outhouse so Mr. Allen could not miss it. When he made no mention of it, they finally asked him if he had seen the Washington picture. Mr. Allen said, 'He thought that it was a very appropriate [place] for an Englishman to Keep it. Why they asked, for said Mr. Allen there is Nothing that Will Make and Englishman sh*t So quick as the Sight of Gen. Washington.'"
True story or movie script?
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Old 01-02-2013, 02:59 AM   #22
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Re: History jokes thread

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True story or movie script?
Likely apocryphal on all counts. Fun joke, though.
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Old 01-05-2013, 10:23 PM   #23
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Re: History jokes thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turn Prophet View Post
Here is one I commonly open my 19th-Century America class with:

As you grow up and go through educational institutions, your views on the causes of the Civil War inevitably change and gain nuance. Something like this...

Grade School: The Civil War was about slavery and how it was bad.

High School: Well, really the Civil War was about States' Rights and the role of the federal government and stuff like that.

Undergraduate: Actually, there is complex array of factors in the Civil War--beliefs about the powers of the States regarding constitutional legitimacy, a schism over the nature of labor in Western expansion, differing ways of life in the South and North, the role of cotton in international trade, and of course the question of abolition.

Graduate: Let's cut the bull****, shall we? The Civil War was ultimately about slavery.
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Old 01-26-2013, 04:45 AM   #24
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Re: History jokes thread

We need more. Thanks
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Old 02-15-2013, 12:34 PM   #25
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Re: History jokes thread

A graduate student is nervous about his upcoming oral examinations. His adviser tries to reassure him. "If you get a question you don't know much about, just say it was a time of transition and the middle class was rising."
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