Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Notices

History Discussion of History up to Circa 1990

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-21-2013, 02:40 PM   #26
Wamy Einehouse
rack 'em
 
Wamy Einehouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 4,650
Re: History jokes thread

A man in Soviet Hungary is waiting in line at the state butchers for four hours, just as he gets to the front to get his small piece of grissle, they say they are all out and close the butcher.

The man finally snaps, and starts screaming at the top of his voice about how corrupt the system is, how much better it was before communism and how he just wants a small bit of meat. The man behind him grabs him and says "Comrade be quiet - you know what will happen if you continue".

The man calms down, stops and goes back to see his wife. He enters the house and his wife asks where the meat is. He says "I stood in line for four hours and then they ran out".

She replies: "Wow - are things really that bad?!"

Spoiler:

Last edited by Wamy Einehouse; 02-21-2013 at 02:46 PM.
Wamy Einehouse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2013, 04:36 PM   #27
Bill Haywood
Pooh-Bah
 
Bill Haywood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: May you live to throw 1,000 shoes
Posts: 4,388
Re: History jokes thread

If you don't know what "revisionism" in communist parlance is, you won't get all of this joke, but here goes.

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Breszhnev, and Gorbachev are riding in a train. It comes to a halt and the conductor informs them there is no more track.

Lenin says "rally the workers to rapidly lay more track."
Stalin says "take ten workers and shoot them."
Khrushchev says "just turn around and go back to the station."
Breszhnev says "pull the shades and tell everyone we are still moving."
Gorbachev says "just keep going cross country, that'll work."
Bill Haywood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2013, 12:08 AM   #28
longmissedblind
veteran
 
longmissedblind's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: the fairest portion of the Earth
Posts: 3,385
Re: History jokes thread

You can use almost any organic matter as a fuel... Mussolini made the trains run on thyme...
longmissedblind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2013, 05:44 PM   #29
havocofsmeg
journeyman
 
havocofsmeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Deepest darkest England.
Posts: 202
Re: History jokes thread

A KGB joke I once heard:

4 men are sharing a room, and soon 3 of them start a bottle of vodka, whilst the 4th man attempts to sleep. The 3 drinking gradually get more rambunctious singing and making fun of the communist party, to the chagrin of the man attempting to sleep.
So he discreetly slips out of the room and orders some tea to be brought up to his room in 5 minutes. He then proceeds back to his room and joins the other three.
A few minutes pass, and he non chalantly walks over to an ash tray in the room and calmly says "please send up a pot of tea, comrade major". A moment later, there's a knock on the door, and a maid places a pot of tea on the table.
Stunned, the other three join the 4th man in bed.
Next morning, the 4th man wakes up to find the other three dead. Panicking, he runs out to the main desk and enquires what had happened to his companions, and the receptionist replies "it's best of you don't ask", to which he replies "but why am I still alive?!". The receptionist replies "well, the comrade major enjoyed your tea joke immensely."
havocofsmeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2013, 03:20 AM   #30
DoTheMath
Pooh-Bah
 
DoTheMath's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: At my computer
Posts: 4,676
Re: History jokes thread

Why do the secret police always use three officers to interrogate a prisoner?

One to read the prepared interrogation questions.

One to write down the prisoner's responses.

And one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
DoTheMath is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2013, 03:14 PM   #31
1984
enthusiast
 
1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Animal Farm
Posts: 54
Re: History jokes thread

What is a rookie learning first in the Polish army? - "I give up" in German

---
Ad in a newspaper 1946:

For sale:
French infantry rifle, never used, once dropped down.
1984 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2013, 08:04 PM   #32
Turn Prophet
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Turn Prophet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 11,558
Re: History jokes thread

If World War I was a bar fight
Turn Prophet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-12-2013, 12:55 AM   #33
fun101
veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexnorge View Post
The redneck should of said "Go back to India" to the Native American.
fun101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-12-2013, 03:10 AM   #34
DoTheMath
Pooh-Bah
 
DoTheMath's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: At my computer
Posts: 4,676
Re: History jokes thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turn Prophet View Post
That's pretty good, except
  • the alleged bar stool was actually a feather duster
  • America never actually claimed, in the bar, to have won the fight single-handedly; that's just what America's kids said in the schoolyard the next day
  • Britain didn't punch Germany so early in the fight, they just pulled Belgium away from Germany's reach and left it propped up behind the bar until the fight was over.
  • they missed Australia and Canada hitting Germany in the head while Britain landed body blows (eventually using the spitoon) and France cried in its beer,
  • after throwing Russia through the window, Germany switched from brawling to kung fu
  • they missed the part where Britain got Turkey's Arab waiter to distract Turkey while Britain snuck around and coshed Turkey in the back of the head.

Last edited by DoTheMath; 09-12-2013 at 03:18 AM.
DoTheMath is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2014, 05:30 AM   #35
Stiltschen
stranger
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2
Re: History jokes thread

Q:How many gears does a french tank have?


A: Five, four reverse gears and one forward. Sometmes the enemy may atack from behind
Stiltschen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2014, 02:05 PM   #36
Kurn, son of Mogh
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Rhode Island and Providence Plantat
Posts: 13,680
Re: History jokes thread

OK, the standard:

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

Spoiler:
Kurn, son of Mogh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 08:59 PM   #37
George Rice
old hand
 
George Rice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Satan Island, NY
Posts: 1,361
Re: History jokes thread

From the movie, The Cheap Detective:

John Houseman Character: In 1853 a little known historical fact occurred. Twelve Albanian fisherman conquered China, Tibet and Mongolia.

Peter Falk Character: My goodness, I didn't know that.

JH: That's because you didn't take history in Albania. . .
George Rice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2015, 01:37 AM   #38
esspoker
adept
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: John Prine Land
Posts: 918
Re: History jokes thread

who were ireland's first gay guys?

Spoiler:
esspoker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2015, 05:43 AM   #39
diebitter
Grotesquely Handsome
 
diebitter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 61,946
Re: History jokes thread

who were Scotland's first gay guys?


Ben Doon and Phil McCavity
diebitter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2015, 12:08 PM   #40
esspoker
adept
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: John Prine Land
Posts: 918
Re: History jokes thread

lol that took me a minute
esspoker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2015, 02:11 AM   #41
sweep single
banned
 
sweep single's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,561
Re: History jokes thread

What was Hitler's favorite board game?

Spoiler:
sweep single is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2015, 11:31 AM   #42
Kurn, son of Mogh
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Rhode Island and Providence Plantat
Posts: 13,680
Re: History jokes thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by diebitter View Post
who were Scotland's first gay guys?


Ben Doon and Phil McCavity
I always knew the latter as Phil McCracken
Kurn, son of Mogh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2015, 11:33 AM   #43
Kurn, son of Mogh
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Rhode Island and Providence Plantat
Posts: 13,680
Re: History jokes thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurn, son of Mogh View Post
I always knew the latter as Phil McCracken
On that note, did you hear they discovered two new uses for sheep in Scotland?

Spoiler:
Kurn, son of Mogh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-25-2015, 08:48 PM   #44
sweep single
banned
 
sweep single's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,561
Re: History jokes thread

When Hillary fell down and got a concussion a reporter asked Bill "How's Hillary's head?"

Spoiler:
sweep single is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2016, 10:13 AM   #45
Kate555
banned
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 243
Re: History jokes thread

WWII
Guy: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic" Priest: "Well, I do not see anythign wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war" Guy: "But Father, I collected rent from for every week that he stayed" Priest: "Well, that is not a good deed, but it was for a good cause, so that is fine." Guy: "... but Father.... should I tell him the war is over?"
Kate555 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2016, 03:15 AM   #46
shaina
stranger
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 10
Re: History jokes thread

Nice sharing with all of us from your side guys. I like this and would love to come back this thread again when ever I will free from mine tours.
shaina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2016, 10:17 PM   #47
tirtep
journeyman
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 266
Re: History jokes thread

After his second conquest of Milan from the Austrian, Napoleon Bonaparte arranged a grand ball and banquet in a palace, but was furious to discover that it's paintings and sculptures had been disappeared during his absence. Circulating among his honored guests, hr declared in his Corsican Italian, his mother's tongue, "Gli Italiani tutti ladroni" (All Italians are thieves). The repartee of the pretty and witty Countess Caracciolo of Sicily was: " Not all sir, not all but a buona parte" (a good part).
tirtep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2016, 07:37 AM   #48
simplegirl
stranger
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Re: History jokes thread

thank u for sharing
simplegirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2016, 09:46 AM   #49
tirtep
journeyman
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 266
Re: History jokes thread

You're welcome.
tirtep is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:59 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ę 2008-2010, Two Plus Two Interactive
 
 
Poker Players - Streaming Live Online