Originally Posted by viffer
true story, you in a better spot then me, you have a future, spell better then me, got a life around you, enjoy it... more to life then money nd poker,
I understand what it’s like to grow up without much love. As you well know, it leaves a painful black hole in your heart that no amount of drugs or women or money or “fun” can ever fill up. The main thing I learned in my struggles to overcome this is that if you want to get beyond your feelings of emptiness, the only way is to "go through the pain." (As you’ve discovered, running away from it just doesn’t work).
This material is a little old school and I’m not sure how much of it is still out there, but the books and tapes of a guy named John Bradshaw is what helped me get “unstuck from the past” and move on with my life. Basically he advocates a process of “grieving your lost childhood” as a way to let go of the past, almost like grieving the death of a person you love. It’s a gut-wrenching process, but man, after you get through it, it’s like the weight of Mount Everest has been lifted off your shoulders. And you can do all this stuff on your own; you don’t have to go to a therapist or anything.
Obviously you have a deep longing and a ton of potential to do something “more” with your life, but your current “state” is keeping you stuck in a rut that you can’t seem to move past. A book called “Bradshaw On: The Family” was the first one of his that I read, and it was a real eye-opener as to why it felt like I was living every day of my life with my guts torn apart, as a result of growing up in a loveless family. (Parental love is like soul nourishment to a child, and when we don’t get it, most of us grow up – on some deep inner level - to be broken human beings.)
Anyway, I suppose this isn’t the place for this kind of honest post and I’ll probably get flamed for it, but I figured it was worth a shot. You’re my favorite player to watch on the tube, especially when you’re dragging a huge pot off of Hell-Mouth!