great thread, i'll bet on you to win come November. good luck

Just chiming in to say it was a great read Greg, and I hope it helped you to write about it. So impressive what you've done and just stay focused. Writing has to help and its great to see you so open about it all.

Gregy,

I think I first met you when I was 18 or 19 at Turning Stone. You were already playing 20 tables of 1/2 and crushing. However, I was just starting out then and you believed in me and gave me some encouraging words. I really appreciated that. I went on to get SNE twice while staying in school.

Before Black Friday, I was using weed regularly but always socially and never alone. I also experimented with molly, boomers, and acid but again it was only on special occasions with very close friends.

When Black Friday hit, I didn't know what to do with all the free time so I started a business and began obsessing about it. If I wasn't stressing about that I was partying and smoking weed. Eventually, after going to a 3 day camping music festival and using more drugs than I ever had, I went manic. I was smoking constantly and I wasn't able to sleep. I was in physical pain from the stress and the insane amounts of weed I was consuming was the only way I knew how numb it. I became paranoid and had severe mood swings.

This went on for months. Finally, I crashed after being arrested twice and hospitalized three times. I learned that I'm bipolar and I haven't used any drugs or drank alcohol since I was released over a year ago. Currently I'm depressed, but I'm getting therapy, eating healthy, and doing physical activities consistently. I'm hoping that I'll feel better when I graduate in November.

Best of luck in October and the future Gregy.

Cheers,
Marty

hey marty, i appreciate you being open about your issues. I was unaware of your recent struggles due to AIM not being as popular these days and we had lost touch the last couple years. Good to see you have take the necessary steps to better your life and i truly wish you the best moving forward. If you ever need anything ill always be here for ya.

I want some cocaine... I have$6.88. Any takers???

Thank u very much for being so honest ITT. Very happy u were able to turn your life around. Will most def be rooting for you at the final table!

+1

You're awesome. Will be rooting for you HARD in October. GLGLGLGL

Wow, I've been obsessed all weekend with Naked Lunch. Upon hearing some explanatory interviews with Burroughs, I get it now that the book was all about opiate addiction.

Burroughs groups opiates of every stripe, from heroin to demerol, together as "junk." He says that the sickness of opiate addiction is the #1 problem universally. He also mentions an "apa-morphine" detox cure that worked for him; he explains some of the science behind it.

There is also some interesting insights as to why an alcoholic will get addicted to opiates, but never the other way around. Opiates always wins the battle with alcohol, and alcohol is not pleasant when high on "junk." Also, he groups coke/meth etc differently, as stimulants that are mentally but not actually physically addictive. He says that many opiate addicts also use coke for the sheer mental pleasure of it, use it to go up and down, but that opiate addiction is always the primary problem. Marijuana/mushrooms etc are in his view also not physically addictive, and are not related to the primary addiction sickness of "junk," or opiate addiction.

I guess if a whole spectrum of "addictions" are constellated in a single individual, the thing to be aware of is that yes, you are better off living clean for sure, but that opiate addiction is the primary problem, and it is crucial to understand the dynamic of how the different addictions interact. For instance if the "alcoholic" begins taking oxys, they will end up not drinking at all (!!) and instead just doing oxys.

Also that marijuana "sensitizes" an individual, and thus tends to make withdrawal symptoms from opiates more difficult and painful--sensitizing the body to the physical discomfort, and sensitizing the mind to the depression and hopelessness etc.

Anyway, cheers

interesting read anilyzer, agree with basically all of what you wrote.

it sounds like you are on the right track. It takes time to understand what does and does not make you happy, ultimately; like, mmmmmm, eating this entire cake is tasty but uggghhh an hour later I feel terrible for the next 24 hours or whatever. Ultimately, people learn to regulate themselves in some way, they have to. Powerful substances that threaten to overpower the mind are scary; but ultimately it is the mind itself that you are bumping into. The drugs complicate things because they can skew decision making and perception, and actually subvert reason and self-control, however ultimately there is a place where you just know, in your bones, that this or that drug makes you feel bad and therefore you just don't do it. It might lead to a limited period of time of "whheeeeeee" but then to a devastating physical/emotional hangover or whatever, so with foresight you learn to avoid what causes pain.

I do know there is this state of mind that is like high on action, high on stimulation, and fueled by this kind of self-destruction that truly doesn't give a ****. Philosophically I have no answer for that, except to say that ultimately the game (every kind of game, life) and the self-destructive or don't-give-a-**** vibe itself is just sweeter and more pure without the drugs. From a certain perspective drugs just look like lame-ass bull****, stupid pills and powders that shallow people think will make them feel good, even though clearly they are depending on something outside themselves for a "high" and clearly that high is transitory and underwhelming. Ultimately it's really no more glamorous than old terminal people getting painkillers from their doctor or something, it's just some white powder or some pills or something. Drugs are just lame, and whenever I hear about somebody that died from an oxy overdose, it's just like "meh." It's so lame, like they died from taking too many Advil or something.

There is just another level higher to get to, and drugs are ultimately an impediment. That's all I can say on the matter.

anyway, good luck in the WSOP final table, I will root for you. Cheers

First off, big congrats of course. GL in October.

Great thread, thanks for being so open. This is kind of a curveball but I wonder if your GF deserves more credit. I don't know a single thing about her and I think you only mentioned her in passing but I've noticed a lot more stability in my life while with a girlfriend and a lot more blacking out and raging in times of singleness. I was reading this thread this weekend while re-evaluating my life after a Saturday night black out and something just clicked in my head. I've never felt like a degen at any point in my life but I've always abused alcohol heavily. It's so acceptable to just wreck yourself with alcohol and it's such a great cure for loneliness. Anyway, I hope I'm right and she's good for the Gregy. Keep on rockin' and win this tourney please. Peace.

yah it def helps to have her in my life, but the first 5 months of my new sobriety was done on my own with no one. I think its important to have the strength to do it for yourself and yourself only but def helps to have someone who supports it on your side making sure you stay in line. Hope your doing well schaef, belated congrats on your bracelet.

Your welcome

Yes absolutely. But this is after building a tolerance slowly after 8 years. For anyone with little/no tolerance would prob. start having heart and other issues.

IIRC your body can only absorb / give effects of (Amphetamine, Dextroamphetamine Mixed Salts)/ Ritalin (Methylphenidate ) @ 60mg overtime. Though 60mg of either does little/nothing, not sure the exact science of this as much as I prob. should.

pretty crazy, did you actually have ADD?