O.M.G. YOu should feel awful!

Good thinking I might try that.

My man and I are both gamblers... we met at a casino and have been together for over four years now... funny thing though, I moved in with him and changed my lifestyle... started staying home 24/7 ... he has a job at a mine and works all kinds of crazy hours and shifts..(I was a party animal to that point...lol)
Anyways, I've always been online since 97 but was doing alot of research before this time. Once I moved in with him and was home all day and night every d and n...I had too much time on my hands and I started checking out the casinos online and wandered into the no deposit bonus stuff.... long story short, I ended up signing up for a nd poker bonus and fell in love with poker. That was two years ago and I can't even imagine life without poker. Problem is, HE thinks I'm an idiot for playing so much and has no interest in poker at all.... The more I love it, the more he seems to hate it! lol... We don't really fight over it, because I limit my $$$ play... But I study and try to improve my game every day. He say's I'll never get anywhere with it, I say I will! lol If I start talking about it he walks away like I am not even there... anyways... to the OP... yes... it's just as possible for the man to be non-understanding.... (Man, I wish I would have poker BEFORE I found him....lol)

I don't really know where to begin, but my goal is to get good feedback from the player and the spouse of the player. Please post a reply if any of this sounds familiar... I have played poker professionally(80% online) for over 8 years. The early part of my career was a grind, with much to learn of bankroll management. My knowledge of the game continued to grow, as did my ability to manage funds. There were times when I knew i could not cashout until my roll was large enough to comfortably do so, leaving room for downswings and variance(inevitable). So I got better, and my roll grew, and i spent/invested accordingly.

So, I'm at the height of my poker career, money is no issue, and i begin to re-enter the world outside of poker(my life was spent in front of a computer or in a casino), and I was enjoying life. I met my wife, we made plans for a future together with a family... All was planned and I thought life could not have been any better. We had our daughter in July of 2009, and life DID get better. We made plans for another and found out that we were pregnant in Feb of 2011! What could possibly rain on our parade? We would always be this happy, right? The DOJ and US government had other plans... Black friday was the most devastating thing to happen in my life. Whilst the majority of my roll was on FTP(still waiting to see if I will ever get that), life went from being "acuna matada" to "desperation mode". It took until just recently to rebound from this whole debacle, and selling my house to have a bankroll was my only saving grace.

We are now moved into a new home, and it appears life will soon be as it was prior to BF, but there are so many concerns I have that my wife does not share. I try to remind her of all the struggles we just went through, so history does not repeat itself. I want to enjoy the spoils and "make it rain" on my family. I did before and I will again, but I want to be more conservative going forward. It seems as though we live broke, and I make enough money to never be. I do not want to be dishonest about cashouts or have a "secret" bank account that my wife knows nothing of, but I feel strongly that I must be in control of how the money gets spent to ensure it lasts. I'm sure every woman wants a card that can be used any time there is something they "gotta have", but shouldn't I be able to ask for frugality without expecting anger and attitude? If my wife were a poker player, she would understand bankroll management, and I would probably trust her more because of it. She is not, and understands little of br management/balancing a budget. She does not understand the extra tension and pressure that I feel going into a session each time when I just get the report of what the bank balance is or what was a "deal" and "had to" be purchased.

How do I know that there isn't another BF/sky is falling scenario waiting in the near future? What can I do to provide financial security for my family apart from spending less and saving more? Am I doing it right? Should I always leave enough money in a "secret" account to battle back with, if life throws another curveball? There are so many other issues with poker and relationships that we could discuss and learn about, but this seems to be most urgent for me. Is there a "rule of thumb" on life bankroll management? Like, "Only buy a pair of shoes if it represents 1% or less of my bank balance"??? Please post thoughts, ideas, and experiences on this matter. Thanks, Jamin

Eat! Drink! Be merry! Black Friday will never happen again, right?

Did I post this in the wrong place? Was really looking for some female perspective, but unsure if my title is bad or i didn't find the proper forum. Anyone? Mod?

This forum is fine. I merged your post into a longer thread on the subject that might contain some of the answers you are looking for.

It isn't the highest traffic forum, so the quest for responses may require patience.

+1, ty mod

I think that it can be easier to understand if put in a context that the other person can identify with.

In my case, both my spouse and her brother had done a lot of stock trading, so it was easy for me to get them to understand in terms of operating capital, ROI, risk of ruin, etc. if someone is more familiar with retail, perhaps it would be more facile to explain about inventory (your bankroll), sales and returns.

I will admit that despite my spouse being very open minded, it was a bit of a struggle in the beginning. What helped a lot was providing tangible benefits; going on the Party Poker cruise because I won a satellite, a full ride to the WSOP with a comped room, etc.

Still, there are always wants and expectations that always seem to expand to fit whatever current funds are available. My situation may be different than most in that my wife is adamant about not dipping into my operating bankroll, she would actually rather take cash out of savings rather than dip into my operating funds.

Recently we recognized that we were short most months and I started cutting back on some personal care items and my hobby (pool) and I committed to putting more hours into live poker. Hopefully we can bring this month in at break even and not take any money from either savings or bankroll.

Sometimes this does lead to interesting conversations. During a recent visit with my brother in law, he discussed how he had tried to time a buy of Apple stock in anticipation of their new iPhone announcement. My wife Denise responded with some discussion of an option that she had tried on Ford motor due to some circumstances she thought indicated could foreshadow a bit of volatility in the market.

Naturally I chimed I with a rather shrewd investment I made the prior week in a pair if Tens. I felt that I got them at a good price when considering the implied odds, and that my equity improved considerably when another Ten appeared on the flop. They heartily approved. ;-)

My best advice is to find what context makes your audience feel comfortable and work with that. Hope it helps

Shauna

I would love to have a gf who plays poker and does well at it

I def think the intelligent conversation that results from it and the understanding of how intricate the game is could make for a deeper, more understanding relationship

That being said I would be incredibly jealous whenever we broke up and I wouldn't be able to stand it if I ever saw her with another guy

Jealousy issues in this post

I used to want to date a guy that played poker and then yesterday happened. I went to go play with a guy that im interested in and once i saw him play and saw how he behaved at the table i am no longer considering him. Everyone is different i know but its a sucky first experience.

Playing professionally and dating someone definitely can workout well. Even with BF and having to travel a lot, my boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years.

I think it's just like any other profession that is high stress/requires travel. A lot of people may not be able to handle playing full time and handling a relationship, and a lot of SO's might not be able to deal with it. But if you care about each other enough you are willing to make sacrifices to make things work.

That's part of dating. You meet someone (probably online) and think they're great, you have a couple good dates, and then you're "in a relationship." (I hate the imprecision of that phrase.) Eventually you meet his family, and find out that his parents live nearby. You also find out that it's the first time he's seen them in six months because "he's been too busy."

I don't care what anyone says about meeting their soulmate online. You don't really know someone until you see how they act around different people and in different situations.

I've found if you take poker out of the equation, it really just boils down to whether you are a good fit romantically with that person or not. Dont let poker ruin a good thing.

I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweetheart.

So how do non poker playing couples decide who is buying / making dinner!!

Can't imagine not settling it over a last longer :P

I can only respond to your thoughts in my context - it's not my spouse I've ever had these issues with but my two children (both teenagers now) - much of what you posted resonates with me because the three of us are a very tight unit. Both of them support my poker life, but neither of them understand bankroll management etc. Over the years I worked out that only I can protect the source of our income, my bankroll, and since they don't understand what's required to keep and build a bankroll, they go by my assessment of whether or not we can afford things.

It's not so much that I keep it secret from them, but the bankroll is a completely separate issue from our working capital. As in, if I have a good score in a tournament, I work out what % of it is correct to be added to the bankroll, and only then consider extra family expenses etc.
Basically, we make spending decisions together on any dividends coming in (my son gets that gaming computer he really wanted/ my daughter gets that trip with her friends), but the nut investment (my bankroll) is never considered 'spending money'.

Of course, any financial emergencies are an exception to that rule, but then they know that we'll have to tighten our belts until the BR is built back up again. They trust me that I will make all the best decisions I can for our welfare and when there are surplus dividends they will get surplus 'goodies'.

Hope this helps in some way.