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I wish more than anything i wasn't this way and am very scared of the road ahead of me.
This right here, is the real tragedy caused by ignorance, narrow mindedness, and bigotry.
That it would make you, or any one else, afraid, and scared to the point of wishing so much that you weren't this way, that you weren't you. That's what really tares me up inside.
The road ahead of you will be rough, you're right, but I hope, I really hope, that one day, when you've made your full transition you will be not only content and happy with your life but also fully comfortable with who you are and no longer wishing you were something, or somebody else.
I am not a Trans individual myself, but many of my ex - girlfriends are M2F Transgender, so I do know a little bit where you are coming from, and what you are going through.
Most of my M2F exes are Filipino or Thai (and I was with them while I was in the Philippines and Thailand.) They were mostly accepted by their friends and family, but it's a very different culture in those countries then it is here. I guess they were lucky for that.
Even still though, I could see, even just within their own heads, their own minds, they would sometimes have a conflict of feelings, and some confusion over just exactly how they felt, mostly feminine but sometimes with a twinge of masculinity.
It's not easy, I can tell that for sure.
I hope, that all goes well for you in your transition, and that one day, your family and friends will accept you for who you are, but remember the two most important things in your life.
1. That you are happy
and
2. That you know who you are, and YOU accept who you are.
You have my support, understanding and best wishes, and I feel it safe to say you have the support, understanding and best wishes of everyone else in this thread as well.
So remember, any time it gets particularly tough, or you are feeling really alone or down, you can also come in here, and we can help you through the rough times and the painful ones as well.
I know we are, more or less, strangers to you, but at least it's better then nothing at all.