Hey guys it's been a while since I last posted but had some free time today so I thought I would drop by and make a post. The only people that I haven't come out to yet are my parents. Me and my parents have a some what complicated relationship and I really don't feel the need to tell them at this point. All of my friends have been awesome about it and I must say that I am much more happy overall. It's nice to be hanging out with friends and not having them ask me if I would bang so and so or that I should go out with this girl. It's also nice not to feel like you are always hiding this really big secret from the world that you are always trying to protect.

The biggest thing that I've been struggling with is finding gay guys that I can connect with. I've meet a lot of really nice guys but I find that most gay guys have very little interest in things that I have a interest in and I really have no interest in what most gay guys like. I'm really into motorcycles, auto racing, hunting, fishing, poker, cars and I'm pretty much always out doing something outdoors in the summer. I'm not a person to try and force something to happen just because I think I need it or want it (like trying to find a boyfriend) so I've just been meeting guys and seeing where it goes but I haven't had much luck at all. It just gets frustrating since I'm 26 and have never been a relationship before and for the first time in my life I'm honest with myself and finally comfortable enough to have a relationship but can't find anyone.

I've also learned a ton about the gay community and about gay people in general. I don't know any gay people in real life so that has been really interesting to say the least. I still haven't gone to any gay bars. I'm not exactly shy but I really wouldn't feel that comfortable going to one by myself without knowing anyone. I would probably just end up drinking at the bar by myself and staring at the liquor shelf.

Sorry for the rant. I've been kind of bothering my lately and I don't really have anyone that I can vent to that would understand.

RJ. Your b/f is a very lucky man.

Roush, would any of your friends that you came out to possibly be willing to "take one for the team" and go with you to a gay bar? At least for the first time anyway... I totally understand not wanting to go to a new venue by yourself, especially if you aren't really a bar/club person.

Most of the time, I ask them not to say anything like that, because it offends me. Most of the time people apologize, occasionally I've had someone get really upset / angry at me, once I had a guy threaten to beat me up in the parking lot. This got him thrown out of the casino, which was unfortunate because I was enjoying his money.

heh :P. I am way girlier than you, I am sure of that. I never leave the house without my cute bracelets and sunglasses, I just cant leave without wearing them. My style is very cute and filled with color, kind of like a feminine gay stoner. I am more of a woman than most of my girlfriends lol ..

I'll bet you're adorable, too.

I can't really explain it, I've just always like guy clothes and guy activities a lot more than traditional girlie stuff. Not in all cases (I like candles and I enjoy doing counted cross stitch), but especially since people make a lot of snap judgements based on appearance, the fact that I usually have a relatively short hair cut and walk around in jeans or cargo shorts generally makes me appear at least somewhat butch. I've actually confused a few lesbians who have hit on me as a result.

pics?

I have independently confirmed by thinking about it that I would hit on you, RJ... Partially because of your sartorial choices, but mainly for the way you wield your mod powers to smackdown fools in NVG...

wtf is sartorial

are you talking about dildos?

Sartorial = clothing/style of dress. So, nope, wasn't talking about dildos.

Of course, now that I think about it, some strap on harnesses are pretty fancy, so maybe I was thinking about dildos without realizing that I was thinking about 'em...

Ah yes, never underestimate the appeal of a woman wielding the almighty power of the banhammer.

David Bowie is so awesome

Are u a girl bigoldnit?

Or is there some straight romance going on in the GLBTQ thread?

I'm a girl, so no straight romance going on here (not that there's anything wrong with that )

Some of us are rather fond of straight romances.

I depend acceptance of my mainstream lifestyle.

I was speaking solely with regard to my own romantic proclivites, RJ... I obviously didn't mean to cast any aspersions on your "lifestyle choices."

After all, some of my best friends are straight

Bigoldnit CRUSHING IT!

Oh, well, that's okay then.

Carry on.

[QUOTE=SGT RJ;34817455]I'll bet you're adorable, too.

zomg aw thank you . (I am :P)

I can't really explain it, I've just always like guy clothes and guy activities a lot more than traditional girlie stuff.

Story of my life but reverse...

Not in all cases (I like candles and I enjoy doing counted cross stitch), but especially since people make a lot of snap judgements based on appearance, the fact that I usually have a relatively short hair cut and walk around in jeans or cargo shorts generally makes me appear at least somewhat butch. I've actually confused a few lesbians who have hit on me as a result.

Haha.. I so hear you RJ i know exactly how you feel (except opposite genders :P), it just is a little (a lot :P) more complicated for me. It can get so confusing sometimes for me. Yes I very much enjoy feminine activities, love fashion, shopping, dancing, pop culture, Cosmo, etc etc etc. I enjoy being girly and its a lot of fun and a big part of who I am. But at the same time I do enjoy being male. I love sports, some mornings il sit in my underwear being a dirty slob watching sports center like most men do. But then some mornings il wake up, make myself breakfast, make myself look cute and watch the golden girls while i check my facebook... It is so strange how I can be quite FEM to averagely masucline, without even thinking about it.. I do like how I can fit in with almost anyone, any gender, any sexuality as I am so deserve in so many ways ..

But its just too confusing. I love being "genderqueer", I very much enjoy being able to be both masucline and feminein. But sometimes I am very confused about whether or not I would want to transition to a full time female. Sometimes I feel like just doing drag isn't enough, and people don't treat me as a normal woman.

I think that is the biggest part of why I am so insecure about being gender queer, the way others treat people like me. Society (even within the glbtq community to some degree) are so unaccepting to genderqueer/draqqueens/trans etc, especially when they are not 100% beautiful gorgeous passable woman/men. When a mtf drag queen is only semi passable and still sounds/looks like a man they are viewed as some gay freak. But if they pass completely its cool, obviously. So that is why trans folk like myself are SO anxious about being able to pass to a point of purging, depression, cutting, even suicide. If you think young straight girls have it tough with the images of the media, imagine a young trans girl. Young teen girls worry about being thin, cute with adorable figures (which is wrong of course). Young trans girls worry about all of that + being able to pass as female, perfect eyebrows, perfect shoulders, covered up adams apple.. the list is to long.

I think if society was more accepting of being genderqueer or just not the binary x/y gender I would be way more accepting of myself. I have never gone as a lady in public, and that is something i always would love to do. To walk out on the street as a beautiful woman would make me feel so warm and happy, but I am too insecure to do that. I feel I don't pass enough, I feel everyone is starring at me, I feel that I am a freak and out of place. Those thoughts are so wrong, and based of nothing but insecurities. As Shauna (amaazon) has told me, the monsters in your closet aren't really there, however insecurities like this are difficult to get past .

I just want to be able to be myself, both Breanne and Ryan. I am not an insecure person, im proud of who I am, and know who I am. I am not shy and love to express myself, however I do not have the courage to be as public and vocal about expressing my female identity. Maybe it will come in time, but for now its tough

Love you all gl with everything <3

golden girls? too cute you gotta ditch that for some cartoons imo

How dare you insult the golden girls.

:P

Toocute:

Yeah, obviously I can't really relate fully to the struggle you're going through. Perhaps in minor ways - high school and to a lesser degree college was often tough for me socially because I didn't much care about conforming in the traditional way (these clothes, that haircut, etc.), but at the same time I would very much have liked to be popular, or at least not the butt of jokes (this was high school more than college; I found a niche in college for the most part). So there was a constant struggle between wanting to fit in but not really caring about fitting in, and with being comfortable with my own sense of style (non existent ) but hating the social repercussions of not conforming. And it's not even like I went out of my way to be "different" - I wasn't goth or something - I just didn't (and still don't) really give a **** about fashion or make-up or anything all that trendy, and as a result I sort of stuck out. Comfort over style, that's my motto. I'd wear nothing but sweats if I though I could get away with it.

Now I just buy guys jeans or a guys shirt if that's what I want to wear and don't really give a ****, but I'm also in my mid 30s and no body is just going to randomly start pointing and laughing or anything. Also having been in the military for five years I actually got used to the cut of men's pants (all BDUs are cut the same way), so when I got out I had an excuse for why I was buying guys jeans.