Ben Grundy, according to past blog posts, had a girlfriend (he may still be with her)

On facebook where it says interested in: (sexual orienation) if you make it "both" does that count as coming out?

ER... that's a tough one. In theory, yes it does. But I did this just recently myself, changed my 'interested in' to include both men and women, and I haven't lost any friends because of it.

In a perfect world that wouldn't really mean anything, but this isn't a perfect world, and my opinion is that if everyone on my friends list had actually seen that I changed my interested in to include both men and women, the unfortunate reality is, I would have lost some friends, therefor I'd have to say this technically counts, but doesn't really count.

Was saddened to read in The Washington Post that Chick-fil-A booked record profits the day-before-yesterday (or was it the day before that?), as many Americans bought food there on that day to show support for the company president's discriminatory stance on marriage. It's almost enough to make me wonder whether the public statements by the corp pres were calculated to attract a specific customer base? I've lived in 3 places: New Orleans, NYC, and Washington, DC. I cannot recall ever seeing a Chick-fil-A restaurant anywhere in any of these cities, so (pardon my ignorance) I'm wondering if the restaurant chain has franchises primarily in places where residents are more likely to be anti-gay marriage, anyway? IDK. Was just wondering... Maybe the pres of Chick-fil-A knows how to turn a buck...

On the other hand, I am very pleased by the recent "kiss-in," and I suspect that this made plenty of folks who live where there are Chick-fil-A restaurants wonderfully uncomfortable!

Am going to be playing in New Orleans and Biloxi for the next couple of weeks. If anyone's gonna be playing in that region, hit me up

Do you feel like you've come out? I'm sorry to tell you that--despite the common misconception to the contrary--we do not pass out "gay cards" upon the completion of one's successful coming out procedure, nor is there any committee to determine whether you've done so successfully "Coming out" is such a personal thing--only you can really say whether you're there or not. For some, they do not consider themselves to be "out" until they've told their parents/siblings/family. Others consider themselves "out" once the words have passed their lips just once--in any context (for those people, just the act of engaging this forum would render them "out"). However you ultimately decide to define it for yourself, coming out takes time and is a process. Cut yourself a break, baby, and know that--clearly--you're taking steps to get to where you're trying to go It's all good...

My own view of the matter is that no one gets to tell you when you're actually out--only you can decide when that time has come. In other words, it's not relative based on how others perceive you. Rather, it depends solely on how you perceive the manner in which you're portraying yourself to others in the various facets of your own life. I.e., are you "out" at work? At the tables? At Christmas with the family? To friends? For me, it was pretty f'ing obvious at a young age that I was gay, so I just "came out" to everyone at 14. Once I had told my mom and once everyone at my high school knew I was gay, I was "out" in my own mind. I told a close friend that I was gay when I was 13, but it wasn't until I had told many more people that I considered myself truly "out." Telling Mom... that was the biggie for me (Hard to believe that was 20 years ago now! Yikes. I am getting old, I guess...) Stay cool. I PROMISE it gets easier! And better!! Oftentimes, most of the pressure and anxiety associated with coming out is self-induced, though this is less true when people live in less accepting cultures and communities, I suppose. But my point is: cut yourself a break! You're doing great.

Generally, yes. Chick Fil-A is more prominent in places where anti-gay marriage sentiment is stronger. The chain started in the Atlanta metro area and expansion outside of the Southeast is mostly a recent phenomenon. And the most recent wave of expansion is focusing on the Midwest, which also tends to be more conservative and more likely to be anti-gay marriage. Here is a recent map of location density by county (its a little dated though because St. Louis isn't included): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ch...stribution.svg I currently live in the St. Louis suburbs, and all Chick Fil-A locations are less than ~2 years old. But the midwest expansion isn't all suburbia, however, I have also ate at the Chick-Fil-A near Michigan Ave. in Chicago. Also keep in mind, all Chick Fil-A locations close on Sunday (the day I crave their food the most...lol), so their opinion on gay marriage should not be surprising in the least. As for their "record" day, that is disappointing, but in many areas where they are located, ~50% of people agree with the owner in principle. I debated about going to Chick-Fil-A on Friday and see what was going on with the "kiss-in", but laziness/Olympic watching got the better of me, and I probably would have felt a little guilty because I would have also bought food there.

Also Chick-Fil-A "fandom" was probably a secondary factor in that shaping the record profit day. Every new location that opens, ~100 people camp out for 24 hours before the grand opening, so they can get free Chick Fil-A for a year. Many people think Chick Fil-A is awesome for their food and service, not necessarily their political stance. The service at Chick Fil-A is the best I have ever seen for any fast food chain; they are generally the nicest fast food employees you will meet.


And another random thought, US Women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe, who publicly stated she was a lesbian before the games, scored two goals vs. Canada, yesterday! USA! USA! (Sorry, Canada. )

Thx

It's definitely a big step, but, IMO, "coming out" isn't a thing you do, it's a process... Usually you tell certain people before you tell others. If you move to a new town, or start a new job, or just make a new friend, you'll probably "come out" again.

Some of these moments will feel more important than others. For me, the biggest step was telling my parents. That's when it really sunk in and became real. For others, maybe changing a FB status was a huge deal because they knew that so many people would see it (or perhaps because having to consciously change a setting was such a big affirmation of who they were)... Someone like Sally Ride had a partner for decades and was open with all of her close friends and family, yet some people might say that she never "came out" while she was alive simply because she never made a public speech about her relationship...

So, I'd be less worried about defining what "counts," and more focused on the process. Just be a little more open about and accepting of who you are each day and everything will be fine.

This is the first news to me that:

1) Sally Ride died. RIP (guess I missed the news that day...oops)
2) Sally Ride was in an LTR with a woman

And I would say that she didn't "publicly" come out. But I'm sure she came out to whoever she felt like coming out to. And as long as she was happy with that, that's the biggest thing.

No, it just makes you greedy

Some questions:

From the title- Q as in Queer? Or something else? If the former... I'm sick of that term, can it be dropped? Or is it a pride, own-the-insult thing?
if so, can we add F and go completely over the top?


Do those of you who are one of the alphabets included in this thread find that your sexual preferences comes up in a game? If so, why did it? If so, was this at a B&M or a home game, or online, or... ?

There were some early responses, from last year, which talked about coming out as part of (whatever) game they were in. If it wasn't a regular home game... why would you think to out yourself, in a poker game? Would it be a tactical decision, or a "**** you, I'm me, live with it" reaction to the stereotypical over-hetrosexed environment?

Queer = Someone who isn't heteronormative.

While many have used it derogatorily, it is actually a politically correct term in most use, and use depends entirely on context.

By sexuality comes up in live games fairly often, in part due to how i dress and act, and in part from people asking about me. I won't necessarily go way out of my way to out myself, but I won't go out of my way to seem hetero either.

I also am in the "**** You I am Gay, deal with it!" stage of life, in large part as it pisses me off to such a ****ing degree the way GLBTQ people are treated yet around the world, especially in the so called "Land of the Free and Home of the Brave" (discriminated and corrupt though....)

I'm sure it is different for everyone.

'greedy' is just about the only term that gets me riled up. Please dont use it, even jokingly.

My sexuality got brought up once during a home game; i was extremely uncomfortable discussing it, but that was a good 5 years ago.

Why does it get you riled up wazz?

I use greedy to describe myself all the time, so, I'm just curious as to why it riles you/some.

Realistically the only hate I've ever had from anyone about this has been under the guises of people genuinely calling me greedy. Usually comes attached with the idea that bisexuals are less trustworthy in relationships because they're twice as likely to cheat.

Ya.... Ive just come to accept that most people are too stupid to bother speaking to.

Sexually, or in terms of presentation or identity?

I know it's sort of chic now for some heteros to use the Q in order to indicate some kinks or affinity with the LGBT community, but if someone uses the queer label, what are they saying about their sexual orientation?

I think the issue is confusing since orientation and identity are two different things. I'm as straight as they get, but have occasionally been assumed to be gay because of my somewhat masculine manner of dress/speech/presentation. I've never thought that qualifies as anything other than "tomboy", but recently I've seen/heard some stuff that indicates some straight people may be using the self label queer to indicate some differences in their gender presentation/identity rather than their sexual orientation.

Thoughts/opinions? I'm not sure what to make of it, or if I'm even 100% accurate on what the Q is supposed to represent. Even in research it's pretty muddled and usually not discussed because no-one seems to know quite how to define it.

II've never heard one clear, comprehensive definition either... IME, it's often used as a catch-all term for desires/behavior that differ from what is percieved to be the norm (i.e. one man and one woman in a monogamous relationship having lots and lots of missionary sex ). I also think it's often used not to talk about a particular behavior and more as a recognition that whatever the persons' behavior/identity might be, it is somehow considered transgressive by some significant percentage of the general population.

So, one person might call themselves queer because he/she is straight but in a poly/open relationship. I've heard people use it to refer to kinks (especially if that kink is associated with a "community," like BDSM, or furries). I have a friend who identified as a lesbian and only dated women for years until she met a straight boy who likes cross dressing and pegging, so she now identifies as queer whenever she needs to self-identify.

As far as clothing/presentation goes, if you just happen to dress in a "masculine" manner because you find tshirts and jeans really comfortable, I personally wouldn't consider you queer. If, however, your clothing and mannerisms were the result of some more conscious decision to subvert traditional gender roles and expectation (cf a recent photography exhibit consisting of before/after photos of straight couples who took one photo wearing their typical clothes and another wearing their partners' clothes), then I suppose it would qualify.

As you said, the term seems to be pretty muddled, which makes sense given my understanding that the term was created to provide a broader term for people who found terms like lesbian gay bisexual and straight to be too rigid.

Well, to be clear, I would never have thought of myself as queer, but I definitely am more masculine than a lot of women. It's not any sort of attempt to subvert anything, but I am drawn to a lot of traditionally male oriented or dominated things, and that comes out in my manner of dress and speech.

I wasn't looking to adopt the label myself, it was just something I thought about and decided to post here for the opinions of some actual LGBT individuals. It's a label that doesn't appear to convey any actual information, since you'd still have to ask "what brand of Q are you" in order to get any sort of sense of what Q means to that particular individual. As such, I find it somewhat meaningless, but then the need to have neat little boxes to put people into is also problematic, so having a "messy" label that covers people who don't feel they fit into other categories serves a purpose in that regard.

Honestly, though I understand your thought process here.... I think humor/sarcasm could be a better way to go.

Them- "You're greedy, that's why!'

You- "You're just jealous that you ain't pretty enough to pull it off!"
or
"Don't hate the playah, hate the game!"
or
" Just lucky, I guess. Want some pointers on picking up both sides?"

or, if the hostile route makes more sense:
"**** you, it ain't any of your freakin' business"

This confuses me a bit. If you're saying this:

Then why would you ever think of yourself in this way?
Are the stereotypes still THAT pervasive that they raise doubts in your own mind? Others' input making you question your true orientation?

This surprised me, is all.

LOL, no, I don't question my true orientation. Sorry if that wasn't clear. I'm straight but my gender presentation is atypical, that's all. Given that Q never seemed to have a clear definition, and I've occasionally seen in used by straight people to identify themselves as in some way different (usually sexually, but on occasion I've seen it used to convey some type of gender differences), I was wondering what others thought about the label and it's lack of solid definition/usage.

My question is one more of how others define/perceive the label. I probably should have just left out anything about myself, since it's not really relevant in the sense I have no doubts about my own self-labels.

Okay, good. Thought you might be allowing outside pressures to influence your self-worth. I should have known better.

This is part of the reason I'd like to drop "queer" "gay" and other common-usage-was-replaced-by-pointless-sexual-connotations-GTF-outta-my-private-life terms.

I'm gay, usually, unless I've had a bad run at the tables.
I'm queer because I don't think or act like many others do.
My sex life? None of your ****ing business and why the **** are you associating it as THE defining factor of my entire personality? STFU, clown.

That's my stance on it.

It's interesting you mention that, since sexual orientation is currently viewed as a a "master status" in terms of personality and self-identity. What I mean by that is that, no matter what other labels or categories you fit into, sexual orientation tends to trump everything else and become your primary status to others (I'm using "your" in the generic sense here, not you specifically).

I think this will ease up somewhat once rights for the LGBT community advance, but in a way, sexual orientation will always have more primacy than other labels, because most people devote a decent portion of their life trying to find others to connect with romantically, and those labels help others identify people in their potential dating pool.

It would be nice if people could divorce orientation from actual sex, though. One of the knee-jerk reactions many bigots have is that validating same-sex relationships/marriage is somehow promoting deviant sex acts. Which is beyond ridiculous. Nobody wonders what I do in bed because I'm straight, they just know that whatever I do, I'm doing it with a guy. Orientation isn't about sex, strictly speaking. It's about attraction.

Oh, I agree... although, given how closeted people have had to be, until recently (not perfect, but...), there may be some truth to one affecting the other. If you're always having to focus on being careful, you're always thinking about it.... I suspect that would affect things.


Thanks for clearing that up, there..

Dating labels isn't the same as personality labels, which is what happens WAY too often.

On a site with SIIHP? no one here should have much to say

Of course, I agree with the rest of your post.