Coming out as a crossdresser, if you will.

Maybe that will give you some confidence to come out of some other closet

Eh, it's just something I get so used to doing, I guess. And I'm generally just very sensitive to how I'm perceived by others. I don't feel that this account is just some online personality I've created, it's really me and I feel very attached to it.

I never really thought about it though -- is staying in the closet online really that odd?

I know it's obviously a personal thing and all, but this still makes me feel worse that I can't do it even knowing my family wouldn't care, and yet there are kids who have to take a real risk to come out to their families. I was put in such a good position and I'm squandering it, basically.

Thanks. Now I can act like I was gonna totally take that propbet but you're the one backing down.

Could you go into the store in women's clothes and pass as a woman?

Your not squandering anything, just because your position is less ****ty and tough then so many other LGBT youth doesn't mean it isn't still very tough, and in no way is it good.

If we were truly in a good position with our families, with our society and with our world, we wouldn't even have to call it 'coming out' because none of us would be in the closet in the first place.

If things were how the should be, love would be love, sexual attraction would be sexual attraction and sexual identity would be sexual identity. PERIOD!

But things aren't how they should be, the world isn't right, and each one of us still needs to find some way to get by in it.

You have to find your own way, all we can do is give you our advice, support and love, but at the end of the day the decision about what to do is up to you.

And it is a hard one, and you are in a tough position not an easy one. So don't feel like you have to apologize to other LGBT youth that might have it tougher then you, instead the society that has bread intolerance towards us, should be apologizing to you, to all of us.


Also, for me personally I should add I was also living in Asia, half the world away from my family at the time I 'came out' to them. If I had been living in he U.S. even knowing they would be accepting, it still would have been much harder for me to do it I think.

I don't have any really wise words of encouragement for those who still haven't come out (it's not something I feel I can speak on, since I have no experience with it), but I just wanted to say I feel for you, and I hope you find whatever is necessary to make the plunge soon. All the studies I've seen show that the more out you are to those who are important to you, the better your self-esteem, LGBT identity, and your life in general.

It must be so incredibly frightening, but a lot of families are so much more accepting now than they used to be. Give yours a change to surprise you with how much they love and care about you, LGBT and all.

Oh, and yeah, find that girlfriend and buy all the cute clothes you want. Something tells me you dress way cuter than me. I also sometimes buy men's clothing for myself, but I guess that's different, since a woman shopping for men's stuff might just be assumed to be picking up something for her boyfriend/husband, or as a gift.

I blame the Army. Five years of wearing guys pants and I'm used to the way they fit now.

Guys' clothes can be pretty comfy.

As for the coming out thing, in an ideal world, it wouldn't be a big deal, everyone accepts you for who you are, and nothing changes. But unfortunately, a good number of people are more accepting of people "like them". If these types of people exist in your inner circle, or you THINK that they might, the closet may seem more secure. I know if I seriously thought I would lose someone close to me over coming out, I would be very hesistant to do so.

As some of you know, I'm a lot older than most 2+2 posters. As a parent, I will say this. There is absolutely nothing that my children could tell me that would cause me to love them less. I might be saddened by the path they have to take. But I would know before they told me, anyway. So I'd rather they tell me than not. If a parent can't love their child no matter what they inform them, they don't deserve the name of being a parent.

I agree with you 100%. Unfortunately though, that doesn't erase that fact that many parents don't agree with this, and that most children even when grown, fear greatly the idea that they might be ostracized by their parents and families.

And so for this reason, most fear coming out.

I think this was the primary reason I felt free to come out, I was one of the rare people that didn't fear my parents potentially turning me out, and never speaking to me again. If they couldn't accept me for who I was, I was willing to accept them not being in my life anymore. I realize most people have a hard time with that tough.

Pretty sad I haven't come out to the parents yet, hoping sooner rather than later

You know, given that my dissertation study is on potential damage to the attachment system that occurs with LGB individuals if they are rejected by parents and/or peers while coming out, it is really fascinating to read some of what you guys are thinking/feeling as you struggle to make the decision of how and when to tell your family.

I can't help but wish we had already reached the point where LGBT people can just be themselves without fear or hate or reprisal from any corner. Maybe someday.

There's gotta be some punishment from the universe...

The good thing about getting a lower back tattoo as a male is...



Here's an idea though:

I had no idea gay men were getting tramp stamps as well.

Whatever makes you happy, though.

Well, just like all people, gay/bisexual men come in all different shades and types.

From the sounds of it though, I have to ask.

@RMC are you sure you don't have any sort of trans leaning desires? I understand that a gay man can desire to cross dress, and that doesn't mean he wants to transition to a women, but now you are talking about waxing your legs/arms and getting manicures/pedicures as well.

Perhaps you just want to be a particularly effeminate gay man, and that's great if that's what you want.

I don't ask because I am judging you, and I certainly don't want to put labels on you.

I'm just curious, and also asking you so you can potentially ask yourself.


I know it's hard enough dealing with it right now, and should you come out and everything, and of course it's usually best to go one step at a time.

But just a question you might want to think about asking yourself at some point.


It's a transition I have seen a number of times before, in many of my exes who are T-girls, and other T-girls I have had flings with and what not. In many cases when they were 16-19 they were pretty much just effeminate gay boys, but then bit by bit they started to cross dress, and then wear makeup and do their nails, and wax their legs and all that. Then finally they start taking pills so their hair on their head will grow out longer like a girl, and their arm/body hair won't be as prominent and (if they want it and can afford it,) they get breast implants and dress fully as a girl pretty much all the time.


As I said, I'm not trying to make assumptions about the path you are going down, only that you are showing interest in starting down a path that I have seen lead to full on M2F TRANSition many times in the past.

Doesn't mean that's where you will end up, just putting it out there so you can consider it and ask yourself the question.

Hey sweetie, had a feeling it was you.

I know things can get really confusing and tough, but just try and keep putting one foot in front of another and work through it.

it doesn't' matter if you wind up being a gay man, fabulous drag queen, cross dressing guy, transgender, transsexual, etc. You'll sort that all out in time. Just try and keep yourself safe for now. Find something that you really like doing that you can have a career at and go at it full tilt. Immersing yourself in some kind of pursuit can have a very calming effect, and of course give you some monetary resources to get on your own so it's easier to explore.

Just remember that whatever form you take, you are always beautiful inside and life is a precious one time gift that you need to enjoy while you are here.

you can always email/text/call if you need to talk.

Shauna

Definitely +1 to shauna here; being happy with yourself is the most important thing. Also that tattoo you posted, albeit pretty, it probably costs more than I want to imagine.

<--- poor, cheap, hates needles

Ah, well then, that clarifies where you're at identity wise.

Hang in there and focus on figuring out what you want, then go for it. Don't let anyone tell you there's anything wrong with whatever and whoever that is.

This + infinity!

That's the whole reason I asked that question to you in my previous post, even if it brought back some painful feelings for you, long term that's actually good for you, because long term suppressing them will cause much more pain then dealing with them and sorting them out will.

So, I hope you understand, and it seems that you do, that when I ask you that question, even though it's so blunt, I'm only asking it to try and help you along the path so you can eventually reach the point SGT RJ mentions above.

So that one day you will know yourself completely, and be happy with who that person is, and be happy with where you are in your life, and the people that are in your life.


oh, and yes please please do stop playing poker until you are in a much better and more confident place emotionally. Phil Ivey would likely donk all his money off if he was in as emotionally dark and unsure a place as you are right now. And going and losing all your money at the poker table will only make you feel even more down and depressed anyway, and won't leave you with any money for any of those cute cloths you wanted to buy either

Generally correct, but Ivey is a bad example. He donked off all of "our" money at the Craps table to deal with his "issues".

Well I was just giving the 'best player in the world' example. But you have a point.

Actually I was going to say Ivey and Selbst but then I remembered that Vanessa actually reads and posts in this here thread so I didn't want her taking offense

My point was even the best technical player in the world when it comes to strategy, reads, and fundamentals would still likely lose all their money if emotionally they were in as dark a place as RMC/Breanne is right now.

I'm a Tommy Angelo believer, and maybe I put too much into this aspect of the game, but I really do believe that emotional and psychological control and tiltlessness play an at least equal, if not bigger, roll then sound in hand strategy and fundamentals when it comes to determining a long term winning poker player.

But it's very true that a part of that control is not donking off your poker winnings on other -ev casino games, as Ivey does indeed do. So perhaps I would have been better off using another example.

Who then?

Durr?? Galfond? Antonious?

As I said I already considered Vanessa but didn't want to potentially incur her wrath in this thread, since she is a follower.

Haha. I was mostly nitpicking out of the bitterness of the whole Ivey situation.

I do agree with you about emotional control though. If I wasn't such a tilt monkey, I almost undoubtedly would have been a bigger winner online. Inronically, one of my bigger downswings ever online began when Vanessa tested the waters at 2-7TD when she first became a PS pro in July 2010. I lost $100 at $5/$10 in the only 39 hands she ever has played while at my table. Then I dropped another $260 in 90 minutes at $2/$4 limit in front of TWSS poster drkamikaze1 two days later during the only time she ever played with me as well while my runbad continued. I was down $1500 in 2 days before it was all said and done. Most of the damage came at $10/$20 2-7TD from a fish on a heater...whoops.

I had moments like that numerous times which only allowed me to be close to breakeven on PokerStars. It definitely is a factor that separates okay from great players. I'm not sure who would be a better example, tbh. Maybe hellmuth? But I think that's mostly a TV act from Phil. John Monette?

Of tilt, or tiltlessness??

If you mean tilt, it's definitely just a TV act, you can tell actually. If you look at the way he plays when 'on tilt' weather or not it's actually correct is debatable in some cases, but there is no debating that Hellmuth is on his personal A game, all the time, even when being seemingly tilted.

I wish you the best of luck breanne! Hope you can find self acceptance and work through you difficulties.

<3!

Haven't finished reading the thread so a semi-grunch. I'm bi and out to friends and sorta out on 2+2, told my main subforum (hsplo) a while back and also the oot thread, but I'm pretty straight-acting and have a girlfriend and it's not really a big part of my life. I don't really feel like I'm 'living a lie' per se - I have the mindset of a straight guy in most ways - but I am ashamed of rarity of standing up for those less fortunate than myself. For example, as I discussed at dinner with protential and his boyf tonight (lovely to meet the both of you!), I have a situation at my local cardroom where the amount of 'gay banter' is unacceptable. It's clearly not meant as offensive, but I only know that because I know them. I'm not out to them, but I feel like I'm selling out by not saying anything, that I'm letting them chip away at my self-respect out of a lack of willingness to stand up for others I know to be affected by this.

I'm not offended by this sort of thing, but it's definitely preventing any other gay but not out poker players from being able to come out if they want to, and will turn any potential poker players away from wanting to play there, which is a shame because it's otherwise a nice place. So this is me resolving to say something. Not just next time it happens, but when I'm back from Vegas I'll have a word.

Regarding what I've read so far of the transexual stuff. I really have no comprehension of your life at all. Probably largely a product of never having known anyone trans, whereas I've known quite a few lgb people and have experienced their sort of problems, even if not at the same intensity. But I simply cannot connect on that same level with someone who wants to change gender. Can you describe what it is tells you you want to change gender?

Not to discourage other input/discussion, but you might find this thread useful: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/18...iends-1061839/