Quote:
Originally Posted by xnbomb
PC:
My gut was to say it wouldn't be awkward for me...and then I realized I'm capable of making just about anything awkward, so this probably wouldn't be any different. I think when you said there's nothing I can do about this specific guy, you're probably right. time to move on I guess.
also liked the quotes because I'm pretty sure that's the exact thought process of more than 1 guy I've been with. I probably need to stop going after "straight" guys.
@suq-I guess what I always assumed was that it was assumed it wasn't a date unless that was talked about. It seems more awkward to bring up the fact that you aren't interested in someone
Gay guy myself here who is first posting. Long time lurker in some of the more poker oriented forums but just saw this. This topic is kinda old, but figured I'd comment anyway.
From the outset, this seemed like a rather awkward situation. Great that you're hitting it off with the guy as coworkers and such. It's very odd that other people at your work are harassing him for hanging out with you. I understand as a gay guy, they might rib him a bit and joke but "harassed constantly" is very different. I'd be more asking the question...are you disliked? Are gay people generally disliked in your profession? Questions like that become more relevant.
The second part is odd, too. Perhaps it's me working in HR or perhaps it's just a rule I've always had about myself, but I'd say getting close at work is always a no-no. That being said, what's with him coming to you and saying that he can't hang out with you alone? Your response is a bit chilling, in my opinion, as well. It sounds very much like you work in a somewhat homophobic profession, or at least environment. If he's constantly getting harassed and he has to tell someone whom he considers a friend something like that, then I'd consider being a bit more understanding. Perhaps you're paraphrasing what you said and you were, but I say that we have to meet people where they are at. The way you posted it here sounds more like an ultimatum than an understanding approach but perhaps I'm reading it wrong.
Hooking up with him probably wasn't the best decision, even if for the only reason is that he's a co-worker. But I'm sure I don't need to expand on that. But with the rest of the story...I mean there are so many things in his mind that could be going on. Perhaps he's a bit homophobic himself and is ashamed of what he did. Perhaps he's not fully sure if he liked what happened or not and is grappling with that. I can't speak for all gay people, but I know that myself and many others have had to struggle for years before coming to terms with being gay. Maybe he's not gay, but now he's in that area where I was where I did something with a guy and was still trying to deny it (and perhaps he's really not gay and his denial is correct, and perhaps it isn't).
Anyway, my advice going forward is just to be friendly, warm, polite, and be chummy inside of work which is what he seems to be comfortable with. If he ever wants to talk about what happened, do so honestly and not defensively, and if he doesn't, then just keep it down. But seeing as it sounds like you're more interested in a casual friendship anyway with a coworker (since you're saying you're not trying to date him) it's not much lost if he doesn't keep up the relationship. Let him make the decisions and don't sweat it.
(Yeah, that was my first post, and yeah I write a lot. Sorry, hope it wasn't too much.)