***OFFICIAL TWSS RELATIONSHIP COMMISERATION THREAD***

[Gallopin Gael]

who the better player ACTUALLY is is besides the point.

[hotjenny314]

Originally Posted by SoLost

Oh man, two online poker players in a serious relationship

Some even get married.

Wouldn't have it any other way!

[CKBWoP]

Originally Posted by JMurder3

My girlfriend is amazing & I love her & she treats me amazingly & we're ridiculously happy together, but a certain TWSS mod doesn't hang out with us anymore, so I need commiseration. Thx in advance

+1 (you know who you are)

[SGT RJ]

I got blamed this trip for "making" him play worse because I was trying to get clarification on when we were leaving the casino.

I've come to the tragic realization that my boyfriend is not a very good poker player.

[DonkeySlayer81]

Alright so something very awkward just happened at work. I'm fortunate enough to work with friends I've had for years in my department. One of them is X he's good looking, put together, we chat about basketball and video games all day. Needless to say we always have a great time. We know lots about each others lives so he's aware of how "adventurous" I can be when it comes to being in a relationship with someone. So today he starts a conversation on IM asking me if I was dating anyone new and if I would be interested in dating a guy he knew for a little while with a possible upgrade to a relationship once he was over his ex. I told him I might be open to it for the sake of finding out who he was talking about. He wouldn't disclose to me who he was talking about unless I gave some sort of a yes. In reality I'm only looking for ltr.


He pulls me from my desk and said let's take a walk. Once we get to the seclusion of the elevator he admits that he was the person he was referring to. I really wasn't expecting this so I'm sure the shock on my face made him feel a little weird. I explained he was so deep in the friend zone it wasn't going to happen in so many words. Regardless of how good he looks I never saw him that way and it would be really awkward for me to go through with this. How do I go about hiding this awkwardness? We hang out in groups all the time and I don't want him to stop hanging out with us due to this.

Cliffs: Longtime friend wants FWB relationship, I said no but now its awkward

[DrZangief]

He sounds like a dork, but why would that be awkward? 90%+ of offers to be FWB get shot down.. it's a numbers game for most dudes. If he's not a teenager he'll get over it.

[lustee]

Haha! I have a super similar situation with my work colleague.

For the most part I just repress the he wants to bang my brains out part & focus on being friends. If he ever makes any inappropriate comments I'm always really quick to tell him he's overstepped the boundary because I don't want him taking my non digust as a tell that I might be warming to the idea/lead him on.

Just pretend like its not awkward until its not basically! I'm not the most functional person when it comes to relationships though so take my advice with a grain of salt :P

[DonkeySlayer81]

I see, based on your responses its one of those let time pass situations.

[MadeLiefje]

Originally Posted by SGT RJ

And for the record, this one was totally his fault.

when is it not?

[SGT RJ]

Originally Posted by MadeLiefje

when is it not?

I mean, I have bad days and sometimes take it out on him. I think the major difference is I usually recognize this very quickly and apologize. He seems to have a much harder time with the word "sorry" than I do.

Ah well, he's still my cuddle monkey.

[drkamikaze]

I am having a "swooning" moment myself. I met a woman here in my new town, and we have been dating for around a month. She's pretty much got everything I've ever been looking for: very smart and an intellectual equal, incredibly sexy (just my type), very kind and honest, and lots of chemistry. And she seems to feel pretty much the same way about me.

Needless to say it has been a little distracting from the poker playing, but I can't say I mind that much.

[SGT RJ]

Ah, the giddy high of a new romance!

[katie75013]

bump

[Chuck Bass]

I didn't really know where to post this, so let's try this thread! This ended up pretty long-winded but I'm counting on you ladies to be able to read it

Can the ladies of TTWS tell me why most ladies feel neglected if their men need their time alone? This seems like a universal fact based on both my own experiences and everyone's I've discussed this with.

Background story is that I'm moving in with a girl in a little over a month, and it's the first time for me. I've had girl roommates a few times and it's always been great, but I've always been extremely scared of the idea of moving in with a girlfriend and not just a female friend. EXTREMELY. When I look back at my previous relationships I can't think of a single one where I would have seen it as a realistic possibility for the near future.

I've had four serious and one half-serious relationship before this, lasting a year or longer, and the girl I'm with now is my absolute dream girl and we've been together for 1,5 years+. I feel like I have a lot perspective since I've been in so many different relationships and there's no chance I'd do this if I didn't feel very strongly for her and I didn't have faith that it could actually work out since we're just perfect match in every way.

However I'm already worried about how it's going to work on a day to day basis since I'm definitely a bit of a lone wolf and I go nuts if I don't get my own time regularly, a lot of it. I'm social/outgoing when I hang out with people, but I can't really take people in large doses, and having to see people too much makes me feel... I can't even find a word, but not good. I just want to be able to do my own thing and not see anyone (including my girlfriend), because I just need it and can't help it.

My gf's not clingy or anything but I'm almost certain that when we move in in a lot of cases when I retreat to have my own time she is going to feel neglected. And then there's that I have to start grinding at around 7PM or 8PM five nights a week (MTT pro). I usually get up around 4PM, so after a certain amount of time spent together I have to go to my office in the next room and close the door and put my headphones on to concentrate, and leave her alone in the living room for the rest of the night. Maaaany hours when your boyfriend is a few meters from you but won't say a word to you when he at least physically could. It has to be a tough feeling. While she's a smart girl and understands poker pretty well and knows it's my job, I'm still almost 100% sure that at times she's going to feel neglected, as if I'm choosing between spending the night with her and poker, since every time I leave I still have the option to stay. There's no way she'd ever make a number of it or probably even mention it but I'd really like to come up with a way to not make her feel bad.

So I guess my questions are: Where does this feeling of neglection for women come from when men need to be alone sometimes (with male roommates it's completely standard for the other guy to just tell the other one to **** off so he can spend some time with himself), what can I do to stop my gf from feeling like that in both the cases where I need to be alone to do nothing in particular and when I want to be grinding, and do the posters in the nicest forum on 2+2 have any first time moving in tips from a female perspective?

I'm also really interested to hear if anyone's past relationships have got screwed up because of moving in. Do you guys think it was because you did it too fast or would it have been inavoidable anyway? Are there any particular traits men should avoid to make it work for you? Another reason why I'm slightly scared about this is that I guess it's a universal fact that if you move in with someone and it doesn't work out, there's no returning to the relationship either because everything'd be so weird. I think it's almost impossible to find a girlfriend who'd be more suitable for me, and I'd hate to **** this up, so let me know what I need to take care of and how to behave.


edit: if this is the wrong place please point me somewhere, I pondered between this, creating a new thread here, 4L and OOT.

[SGT RJ]

I think it's less the alone time that some women find rejection, and often the fact that the person who needs the alone time doesn't take the time to explain what they need (x amount of time alone) and why (that it's about you, and not about her or the relationship).

It's relatively cliche, but most people have some sort of rejection/abandonment issues, and withdrawal is usually a precipitating factor in that past rejection/abandonment. This is almost universal (after all, all romantic relationships fail until one doesn't), as is the silence withdrawal before the breakup, so a lot of people become anxious when their partner withdraws.

I'd just be completely upfront about how much time you'll need, and go out of your way to let her know before/after your alone time that things are still cool with you. Also maybe go out of your way to spend a lot of your time together focusing on what she needs in terms of affection/communication.

I think a relatively secure person, even if they need some reassurance that you're just being you, is going to be able to adapt to this unless their basic togetherness needs in a relationship are wildly different than your own. Discuss your expectations about how you'll spend your time together before you move it so that you're both clear on what the other needs. Many fights/feelings of distress are the result of lack of communication and compromise about expectations.

Best of luck.