Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Notices

That's What She Said! A place to discuss female specific issues related to poker and other subjects.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-28-2015, 02:59 AM   #51
LektorAJ
Pooh-Bah
 
LektorAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: none
Posts: 5,808
Re: Husband card player

Quote:
Originally Posted by LektorAJ View Post
She can read the responses in the thread without logging in.

Also, 2p2 threads are always a resource for people with similar problems so you are never just advising one person.
.
LektorAJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2015, 01:47 PM   #52
Doc T River
Master of the Edit Line
 
Doc T River's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Christian Player NEVER at Venetian
Posts: 12,006
Re: Husband card player

Quote:
Originally Posted by LektorAJ View Post
She can read the responses in the thread without logging in.

Also, 2p2 threads are always a resource for people with similar problems so you are never just advising one person.
1) Locking it would not prevent her from reading any posts since she was here last.

2) Locking it would not prevent anyone with similar problems from reading this thread either.

3) How many people with similar problems piggyback on existing threads instead of starting a new one?

4) Some threads have been locked and mods have used reasoning similar, if not the same, as I did.
Doc T River is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2015, 04:50 PM   #53
gryphon
newbie
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 20
Re: Husband card player

degens gonna degen....sigh
gryphon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2015, 04:14 PM   #54
osirus0830
grinder
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 501
Re: Husband card player

I think that the best approach would be to have a conversation about what the family goals are. Make sure that you're truly taking into account his perspective on those goals. From there you should be able to transition the conversation towards allowing and supporting him with his poker goals, but frame it in a way that in order to reach the family goals that you two equally developed, then you would want him to set both milestones and time lines for his poker. If after an agreed upon time he is still far from achieving his goals, then he would agree that it's likely not going to happen and will give it up. This will be helpful in two ways. The first is that it will focus him by giving him milestones and a timeline. The second is that you can be 100% supportive during this time rather than having one foot in and one foot out.

If you feel that this won't work, then you should just leave today otherwise you would just unnecessarily waste more time.
osirus0830 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2015, 02:09 AM   #55
Poker Clif
Pooh-Bah
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Muskegon, Michigan, USA
Posts: 5,203
Re: Husband card player

Quote:
Originally Posted by osirus0830 View Post
I think that the best approach would be to have a conversation about what the family goals are. Make sure that you're truly taking into account his perspective on those goals. From there you should be able to transition the conversation towards allowing and supporting him with his poker goals, but frame it in a way that in order to reach the family goals that you two equally developed, then you would want him to set both milestones and time lines for his poker. If after an agreed upon time he is still far from achieving his goals, then he would agree that it's likely not going to happen and will give it up. This will be helpful in two ways. The first is that it will focus him by giving him milestones and a timeline. The second is that you can be 100% supportive during this time rather than having one foot in and one foot out.

If you feel that this won't work, then you should just leave today otherwise you would just unnecessarily waste more time.
When my wife and I talked about me "going pro" (playing full-time) we didn't talk about deadlines. We talked about the reality of poker, including variance.

Reality is that Chris Ferguson had a WPT season where he only cashed twice--but he made money because they were both final tables.

Reality is that Johnathan Little lost 50K his first year on the WPT. His second year he was up over a million.

If everyone is not on board with riding the variance train and doesn't understand that downswings are part of the deal, a relationship disaster is a matter of when, not if. Short-term ultimatums don't help a player get better cards or avoid suckouts.
Poker Clif is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2015, 04:30 PM   #56
osirus0830
grinder
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 501
Re: Husband card player

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poker Clif View Post
When my wife and I talked about me "going pro" (playing full-time) we didn't talk about deadlines. We talked about the reality of poker, including variance.

Reality is that Chris Ferguson had a WPT season where he only cashed twice--but he made money because they were both final tables.

Reality is that Johnathan Little lost 50K his first year on the WPT. His second year he was up over a million.

If everyone is not on board with riding the variance train and doesn't understand that downswings are part of the deal, a relationship disaster is a matter of when, not if. Short-term ultimatums don't help a player get better cards or avoid suckouts.
You're probably young enough to start over. That's the biggest difference. Her husband is 44. If you give him unlimited time, he won't be able to transition to something else if he fails. Variance is a reality of poker, so is failure. If he's not young enough to be able to start over, then there should be a timeline imo.

Last edited by osirus0830; 10-12-2015 at 04:41 PM.
osirus0830 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2015, 02:27 AM   #57
Poker Clif
Pooh-Bah
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Muskegon, Michigan, USA
Posts: 5,203
Re: Husband card player

Quote:
Originally Posted by osirus0830 View Post
You're probably young enough to start over. That's the biggest difference. Her husband is 44. If you give him unlimited time, he won't be able to transition to something else if he fails. Variance is a reality of poker, so is failure. If he's not young enough to be able to start over, then there should be a timeline imo.
I am 60.

I played my first hand of Poker online at age 50.

Is there risk in poker? Sure, but risk is everywhere. A lot of people don't make it as an actor or baseball player. Many students don't make it through law or medical school.

Poker isn't immune from that reality. In almost any job you get paid for what you can do, not for showing up.

In my case by age 50 I had been in the National Guard for 23 years. Outside of that, I worked for 14 different companies that either moved or went out of business.

Given my job history, once I started making money playing poker part-time, "going pro" didn't seem like such a big risk.
Poker Clif is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2015, 02:51 AM   #58
heikkie
grinder
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 417
Re: Husband card player

What is your primary objection in your relationship: I think it is his total life and his future, but you take it on poker only. If he only play poker once a week and works a lot, will you be happy?
heikkie is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2015, 10:42 PM   #59
wisem2540
centurion
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Re: Husband card player

I really do hope she checks back in. I agree 100% with some of these comments. As a man who has a wife that actually encourages my poker hobby, (I quit poker for years, it was her idea for me to start again), I think you need to take an active interest in his poker career. Encourage him to keep stats, that you can also look over. Share with him the joy of the big wins, but support him in the losses. But stats do not lie. However, I get the feeling, based on comments youve made that you are fed up and only looking for justification of your feelings.

Remember, stats do not lie.
wisem2540 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-2015, 12:08 PM   #60
bombonca
adept
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 887
Re: Husband card player

just give him a deal, 2 nights of poker per week only. You will help him too. He knows that its pipe dream, its unfortunate he is taking that angle with you. The moment when it becomes a hobby for him is the moment when you will have a chance to improve your life together. Also, likely the time when you can both enjoy money he makes from poker when he wins.
bombonca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-2016, 01:28 PM   #61
Shipitfools
banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 194
Re: Husband card player

try a dildo
Shipitfools is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-11-2016, 06:42 PM   #62
venice10
Referee
 
venice10's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Nowhere special
Posts: 21,743
Re: Husband card player

I'm just leaving the last post up as an example of what it takes to get banned permanently from 2+2.
venice10 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2016, 12:02 AM   #63
Poker Clif
Pooh-Bah
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Muskegon, Michigan, USA
Posts: 5,203
Re: Husband card player

Quote:
Originally Posted by venice10 View Post
I'm just leaving the last post up as an example of what it takes to get banned permanently from 2+2.
Interesting. At various times I'm been criticized because of my age, religion, political party and race, among other things and it happens in these threads, in a chat box, or at a live table. I would never do that, but neither would I think that a permanent ban was necessary for any of those examples. Online, playing live and in these forums, people say stupid things. Much of it is alcohol-fueled, in fact, more than once I've seen someone on these forum mention in his post that he is drunk.

That doesn't make any of it OK, but I'm not so thin-skinned that someone insulting me is going to keep me from playing poker, or posting on these forums. I don't tilt, ever. I don't care whether you say my mom was good last night or even if you insult my wife. I care about whether I bring money home to my wife.

If one dumb comment got you permanently banned we would lose a lot of people from these forums.

Last edited by Poker Clif; 05-13-2016 at 12:05 AM. Reason: spelling
Poker Clif is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-13-2016, 05:48 AM   #64
Onlythenuzt
journeyman
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 345
Re: Husband card player

What kind of 'better' job does she think her man can get? A better bar job? Wouldn't he have that already if one was available an hours commute from where they live? She is expecting a lot for this 44 year old part time bar tender to give up on his dream. He perhaps hasn't got many options. That's why for the most part casinos are full of dreamers. Most women have no idea. If there were better career prospects available most men would be taking them with a snap of the fingers.

It's sad when life gets to this. Its also sad that he's focusing on MTTs with no backers, no sponsors no nothing. If he's serious about poker he's going to have to grind cash. He's going to have to have very little tilt and no problems with table games if he loses a buy in or so. Play the MTTs once a month and try to move up in cash. When he plays to try to recover what limits does he play? 1/2, 2/5? If it's 2/5 then he could be making $45 per hour ( or losing it due to variance or him being not as good as thinks) , building the roll and moving up. You need records. He needs records.

And to the guy above who suggested for the OP to get what he mentioned. Are you sure you havnt been on a 7 hour porn hub bender? Women prefer nice homes they can decorate and nest eggs than 10 inch Mandingo replicas.

Last edited by Onlythenuzt; 11-13-2016 at 05:59 AM. Reason: My usual spelling, grammar errors.
Onlythenuzt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-01-2017, 07:45 PM   #65
Jim Morgan
centurion
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 142
Re: Husband card player

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rivercard007 View Post
I have a question for wives of players and/or husbands who play.
I have been married for 6 years to a player; I'm 38 and he's 44. He's also a bartender, works 3-4 days a week and makes decent money, no benefits and no future there obviously.

He's an amazing person but....

I am becoming more and more frustrated that I am the only one doing anything to better our lives now and plan for the future....

I don't want him to give up the one thing he loves doing the most, but....

but I'm almost 40 and working my ass off and don't feel like this is a partnership at all. I could add that all those hours don't leave time for household responsibilities either, unless you count walking the dog and doing laundry once a week.

Any thoughts are appreciated.
I see several problems here on both sides.

It appears the two of you are not together much and that he chooses poker over quality time with you more than you would like and most likely more than makes sense when in a relationship where mutual benefit must be a cornerstone. - Assuming you are not driving him away, this is on him.

But look at your sentences I've clipped. Words like "better our lives" and "future" are chock-full-of-poison. Its code for not enough cash, not enough status by being something you or society approves of. Our society is so lost. Money is way overrated. Same for doing anything else to "better our lives". If you are living a good life (bills paid) the extra money he is not earning to buy baubles is just an excuse to find fault.

I'd say the two of you need to create things you do together and you need to stop judging him for being what he is.

Your feeling that this is not a partnership is probably the core of all this and if he isn't willing to make changes to that end, you may have a lot bigger problem than anything related to poker. But you cannot keep harboring resentment, that is poison and nothing can ever work if you cannot let that go.
Jim Morgan is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:54 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2010, Two Plus Two Interactive
 
 
Poker Players - Streaming Live Online