So... I am frustrated and want a poker player's or their gf's opinion. Is anyone going through a similar situation??

The situation:

I work a regular job, m-f 8 hours a day and hustle on the side working odd jobs.

I live with my bf for 3 years and pay the rent ( 2 yrs) and all the bills etc. My bf is a poker player and i support him in this decision. I have lent him a total of $ 10,000 in cash (in increments of $100... $2000) even have co-signed a loan for him ( which he cannot pay).

The only thing I have asked of him is to work any kind of job to pay half the rent & his cell phone or bring in some money to help. He has held 5 jobs our 3 years together (7 months at 1 job being the longest.) I also drive him back and forth from his job when he does work. Buy him shirts, shoes or anything for work when he needs it.

I drive him to tournaments/ cash games, pay for gas, tolls,food- get hotel rooms and (in the past sleep in the car for 1 year in total sporadically)
( even when I have work at 6 am the next day) and give him money for poker frequently instead of paying for our rent or bills.

Whenever he has worked ( short term) he never gives me any kind of money besides maybe $20 for food at home or a nice dinner and uses it for his poker career. Again I support him in his poker career so that is not the problem.

We came to an agreement that all he has to do is pay half the rent $500 and Ill take care of the rest of bills (electric, gas, internet, co-signed loan, car payment & insurance & credit card bills that incurred during our relationship totaling $10,000 and my bracelet he pawned which he pays when he can- which has been 2 times the bi-yearly payment) and my share of rent. And whatever he makes he can put it towards his poker career.

The problem is we when we are 3-5 months behind on rent and bills.& he is jobless..

When he does have a job he spends his pay on his poker career. Currently he is jobless. He asks me every new pay day to lend him money to play a tournament or cash game. I make $800 a week usually but this summer my pay is $300 a wk.

What happens is I hand over depending on tournament buy-in ($60-$500). Sometimes when he busts he makes me feel bad and tells me to let him borrow $100,200 or whatever I have let of my pay to make the money back. Sometimes I borrow the money from my family.

I know his hearts in the right place & I love him him immensly. Other then the job and money problem he is good to me. But we fight almost every week concerning this problem: when I say I cant give him $ cause I have to save $ to pay rent.

This is what I am frustrated and upset about. I end up yelling, screaming and crying saying he promised he wouldnt ask me or money when he knows I am trying to save money for rent or bills & he begins to make feel like Im not his partner and team player.

To be honest I do explode sometimes because I feel like he doesnt care about how much stress he puts me under & tells me we have to sacrifice. I feel sometimes he butters me up to be happy and then manipulates me and breaks his promises.

For instance: He asked me to give him money for $180 tournament last week on Friday ( I got paid $300). Plus he had to take the bus cause I had work. He also needed food money & a $100 hotel deposit bc he had no credit cards. So I gave him $340 in total ( borrowing $100 from my mom). WIth the promise that he would only use the $100 for hotel deposit if he made day two. He promised that he would return the $100 to pay my mom back. I believed him.

On Monday he left and came back the same day cause he busted. I waited for him to give back the money without asking. On Tuesday I asked him if he had the $100 so I can pay my mom back & he was honest and said he spent $30 0n weed and misc.) and had $70 on him. So I was happy he told me the truth and said its ok but I need the $70 and Ill take $30 out the rest of my pay.

Fast forward to Saturday he still hasnt given me the $70. My mom asked me for it that day and he tells me he doesnt have it cause he bought a card to play internet poker with it. and hands me a unemployment card and says he is supposed to get $60 a week on it and I can keep it. FYI - There is no money on the card yet & I dont even know if there will be cause in the past he has said he will pay me back but never did .

I still understood and didnt say anything except I was disappointed he didnt keep his word and next time ask before he does such a thing cause now I have to take the last $100 to pay back my mom out my check.

today Sunday comes and he asks me to borrow $25 to play poker online and he will pay me back tomorrow. I BLEW up saying what happened to the $70 he had to play online? He then said he didnt have $70 he only had $40 to play and it was gone and he has $60 in winnings he cant take out of the online poker site. We fight I yell he starts to tell me I waste my money on the $4 ice cream we just bought and a pack of cigs.

I yell what happened to you realizing that I work all week and you take the money lose it on the tournament is not cool when you are jobless and we are 4 months behind in rent???!!. HE then says I dont understand how hard he works and I treat him like **** saying he doesnt bring in any money. That this is what it is. I either sacrifice and understand or dont be with him at all. That I knew what I got into and that I will be broke until he makes it.


I need some opinions on WTF am I doing wrong here? All Im asking him is to pay back the money or pay rent or keep his word is that too much??
if I am not being a good gf or not when I dont hand over my all the money. Or when he makes me feel guilty of buying $4 ice cream and saying I waste money all the time.

I am worried all time of eviction from my apt., My sister being mad at me for not being able to pay her back and being broke all the time. I am not trying to whine or complain I just dont know from right or wrong anymore bc he makes me feel like I'm wrong all the time whenever Im upset.

I am venting cause I dont want him to feel bad cause he gets un-lucky and has so many bad beats and that he is un-lucky at his jobs and gets let go or screwd over for no reason but I need some help cause he doesnt understand or appreciate how much I feel like Im sacrificing.

I am tired of fighting, being broke and working and not getting anywhere & all the guilt he makes me feel for spending a $1 on an item he doesnt approve of.

your bf is a losing poker player using it as an excuse not to get a job. I would say that a live poker pro should be making at least $20-50/hr playing cash games depending on his skill set. That would easily pay $500/month rent and bills. Bumming money so that he could buy into a tournaments is a sign of degeneracy.

Thank you for your reply. I just want to be clear. He does try to get a job all the time and for some reason he works for a few months and then gets let go... the problem I'm having and want to know from another poker player if I'm wrong to yell or scream when I cant help him. He makes me feel guilty for lashing out and says this is the poker life style and I will be broke until he makes it. It's really not about the money but I'm wondering if he cares about me at all when he tells me I'm not being supportive or understanding how hard he works Is there any other poker players with gf's having the same theory on the way he is going about the 4 situation?

Also he says I'm not being real bc I posted that I waste money $4 ice cream so let me real & correct myslef. We just went food shopping and I bought the ice cream and we fought about this and I was yelling and didnt want to go home and put the food away. He told me I buy the $4 ice cream and want to waste it by letting it melt. I was angry and didnt care about the ice cream at the moment but after 2 minutes I went and put away the food. I was angry cause he always has a way of making me feel like sh*t saying I cost us more by being angry.

You should not feel responsible to help him. Spend your hard earned money on whatever you damn please, and tell him he has no say on any finances until he starts bringing home some money. Don't let him control you by being manipulative verbally.

How old are you guys btw?

You should date me and I will treat you better and actually attempt to build a future with you. I have heard all kinds of stories but this one is pretty bad. Tell him to get into sales and start building a life with you. Your chances will be better. Your guy needs to realize that poker is not the real deal. He needs to get into business and work hard there.

Reread your first post a few times and maybe you will realize how stupid you are being.

You bf is not a poker player. He is a loser. He is a leech. He has sucked you dry.

Get away from him ASAP. How many times have you had this instinct?

Why is it that decent girls wind up with idiots like this? OK, I know. But this guy is killing you.

Honestly....he found someone who enables his gambling, and he found a free ride. Get away. If he doesn't get the money from you, he will start sweet talking other girls to get cash. I've been there its not good.

@parttimegrind:

What do you mean you have been there as the poker player or gf?

The poker player.

So do poker players get down like that? Use girls for money and live and tell them you love them and show them everyday?

I truly do not believe he is using me. I truly believe he does this as his passion & so that we can have nice things in our future... I dont want to sound brainless cause I am only telling you a bad part of our story. All couples go through up and downs...Im not here to rant on my bf. Like i said everything is great & He is with me all the time and treats me well. I believe he loves me and trying to do good for us. He is also a good hearted person who has a heart of gold. He tells me all the time when he wins he has all these nice things he wants to do for us. and he also makes me happy with the little things he does. I didnt come on here to ask if i should stay with him- I came on here to learn more of a poker lifestyle and how many people were going through the similar situation so I knew it was kinda normal or if I should support him more then getting upset...when he is facing a losing streak. I am an independent college educated women and hold a degree and a teacher as a profession so Im not some fluff girl with no brains. I like to learn the ins and outs of the poker lifestyle so I can make my own judgements and decisions and looking for some info from long standing career poker players and their gf's if possible bc I am new to this kind of lifestyle. Thank you for all your posts.

He's went through 10k+, and doesn't hold a job. The only way he's going to make money playing poker is if he luckboxes a tourney. That's the truth.

He needs to quit poker and get a job. He needs to support his family. Not suck from it.

Once he's got that part down, he can try poker, but honestly, he's just going to degen it all away.

No, that is not the poker lifestyle. It is a degenerate gambler lifestyle, and degenerate gamblers (like your bf) play poker.

So to answer your question, some people who play poker "get down" like that because they are degenerates. But overall, these types of players reflect poorly on the poker community as a whole.

He is a complete degen and isn't a winning player plain and simple sorry.

Jesus Christ, some people are so ****ing stupid. I mean as people have said your bf is not a ''poker player'' as that would mean he would actually be working out of a bankroll and winning money, not borrowing $100 or $200 to blow every week when you get paid.

It's strange that you say your an educated woman yet you can't find the time to do some research on what being successful at poker actually entails. Your bf is a ****ing deadbeat who is using you regardless of whether or not you or him see it that way.

Stop giving him money for **** sake. If he was any good at this game he would not be asking you to give him money on a weekly/monthly basis as he'd either have his own bankroll or he would have people looking to stake him. The fact he has neither should lead any logical person to conclude that he is ****ing useless.

Yes, he is NOT a poker player, he is a degenerate gambler. I'm sorry to say it, but I hate to see you feel bad when it's not your fault. You should do some research on addiction in reference to gambling and I'm sure it will make his behavior a lot clearer. Good luck. And BTW, I'm the president of the blue team, so I went against everything I believe in by taking your side on this one, lol.

cosign pretty much everything everyone has said in here with the additional comment that your boyfriend sounds abusive.

As a poker playing BF, it's insane to me to think to ask my girl to front me 10k+ and a loan. The guy sounds like a loser in both poker and life and you deserve better. I feel pretty blessed to have a girlfriend who supports my game but you've taken it to a whole new level.

There is an overwhelming consistently in opinions here, ive never seen so money people in agreement. So, at this point, if you continue to give him money, you are the "MARK/SUCKER". Love is blind and you are obviously in love and blind.

Every poker pro has borrow and lend to start out. he is really seems to be trying and will get there in the end.

When he does turn pro just make sure he is not one who will drop you when he becomes big time

So as you can work out from all the other posts THE DUDE IS A BUM AND YOU ARE GETTING USED , dump his lazy arse and get someone who is not ******ed.

living broke till you make it is not the poker lifestyle AINEC.

as many have said, your BF is not a poker player. its not a career but a degen gambling habit. stop giving him money to support his 'career' and stop letting him deceive you about this 'career'.

serious poker players actually make money and usually have a bunch of cash saved up. they dont need to borrow and they dont keep losing and degening away their GFs $.

its also alarming that your BF cant seem to hold a job. he is not running sick unlucky and keeps getting fired for no reason. its the same with his poker playing, hes not just being unlucky over and over again. he is a bum and he is def. not working hard at anything.

Think this is the only thread on 2+2 where everyone agrees.

For starters a winning poker player would be able to control his emotions. This guy is a degen pure and simple and you deserve way better.

It sounds like he has a gambling problem and you are his enabler. LOL at him calling it a career. If he's just starting out and learning, and this is what he wants to do, tell him to get a job as a poker dealer. The money is good, and he will be around the poker scene and will have plenty of time to play when his shift is over. Thats what i did when i started out. But i really think he is using you. How can u not see this? Is your self esteem that low??

Another thread in the Lounge

Honey, this man is not your husband. Once you pledge your life to a man in front of God and family then you must go thru the ups and downs that you are speaking of. You are not helping him by doing what you are doing. A real man is going to help his woman not hold her back. If you are months behind on your rent and he is asking for money to play poker that is some of the craziest crap I have ever heard. If he was a winning player you guys would not have these types of problems. You have stated that at times you have slept in you car!!! How old are you two? I have never had to sleep in my car. My husband would NEVER ALLOW THAT. How does this guy feel like a real man and continue to leech off of his woman. You do not make enough money to support someone with that kind of addiction and yes thats what it is... AN ADDICTION. As long as you give him money to play poker he will continue to ask. Sounds like he needs some tough love. I would if possible speak to his parents or someone that he may have some sort of respect for and have an intervention. If you don't stop this crap soon, believe me you will be as lost as he is. I wish you much luck.