HE was bull ****ting you..his pride messing up both of you.. thats sad .... anyway,

that type of attraction usually doesn't happen unless its mutual.
really it doesn't. I dont mean the "wow theres a hot guy / girl" kind of thing, I mean the knock down, drag out, eyes meet and "wham bam". That usually doesn't really happen unless both participants feel it.

whats sad is when normally willing participants deny it somehow. or are just too cool to open up. I mean that **** is so high school but you see even totally mature adults falling back into that same fearful or emotionally guarded behavior. ANd many times the so called mature adults are even worst about it.

whats also sad its when the two aren't really compatible at that moment. but let me tell you what the wham bam really doesn't go away unless we rationalize it away. and even then given the opportunity and the participants willingness it can and will re emerge.

Let me tell you a true story: I mean I was freaking Hot for this girl many years ago and I knew because of the wham bam feeling it was mutual. But she was into games and all a big bunch of other stuff. She was listening to what all her friends telling her what she "should" do and all that crap. So it fizzled and nothing ever did happen. then like 2 or 3 years later I was at my apartment pool and she was there having just moved in . this was in a city of like 3 million people. i mean out of the blue she was there. and it was like wham bam all over again. This time no friends no BS just that undeniable super magnetic attraction. that developed into a HOT relationship that lasted almost a year. why?, because we were both willing to let it. (and it only ended because of her drinking.) Now I know all the above stuff is true because during very intimate conversations she told me it was and she wasn't the type to lie about it in that situation.

so all IM telling you is that mutual attraction really isnt that easy to beat down. because it isnt. So if your Hot guy was willing to participate in kind as were you then that necessary ingredient lets say catalyst would do its work.

Just ask anyone who has been in what could be refered to as a "super" relationship. it take major changes and or disagreements to break that stuff up. I mean the biggest stumbling block to that type of thing is the participants willingness to let/make it happen. and basically compatibility is the wish list. thats the rationalization part of it. One person rationalized one thing and the other, something else. with out all those components the super relationships just cant develop. its just the way it is. another stumbling block is irrational expectations of the other person but thats another case altogether.

but as in the above case once both participants were just willing to chill about it all & if both were willing to let it, things could and would happen. if not C'est la vie, it wont.

I think you're missing the point of what she said timmer.

She was stating that her attraction, was a purely physical one, and that she didn't have that 'wham bam', feeling you refer to. She found that out as soon as the guy opened his mouth.

She likely still does find him attractive from a purely physical perspective, but clearly everything else about him dwarfs that in a negative way, and therefor she has lost interest in him, including, most likely, the possibility of being aroused by him.

So, well your story was interesting, and, most likely, applicable for many other people, I don't think it applies for her. Not in this case anyway.

Timmer-
thanks for your insight. You made me feel better and you're right. I was hoping that "wham bam" would develop, or maybe I felt it and he's denying it, or maybe I made him to be something he's not...who knows. All I can say at this point is that it's time to cool my heels, play in a different room, have a couple of "rebound romps" and get over the disappointment of the whole thing.

Sheesh...I'm way better at reading some guy's range of cards than I am at reading some guy's heart.

Poker is waaaay easier than love...

Oops, maybe it was me that misunderstood the point you were trying to make earlier, and the whole situation with the guy.

Oh well, you know what they say about assuming.


I guess...

that the same might be true of me with women/girls.

That's why I contend, love and romance is a game none of us, and I include both genders in this, seem to know how to play, or ever really learn either.

But it sure can be a fun ride, trying to understand it all.

the key is to act upon it right away. then let the card fall as they may.

if you do all the rationalization and BS obfuscation doesn't really cloud the issue so much. plus you'll get a much better read on the situation. I know its much harder for women for many reasons.

the disappointment is natural but really it exists in all our irrational or unrealistic expectations and also in our hopes about the situation.

what sucks is when it is real and possible but one of the participants rationalizes it away because of fear or unrealistic expectations or even inattentiveness. Of course the other side is to let it go on because of selfishness esp when that selfishness is rationalized away by convincing yourself you dont want to hurt the other persons feelings.

If I might offer it, my advice is to go about your life as you normally would. dont change anything you wouldn't normally change. and face up to your disappointments and the realities there of. what im saying is dont run away like a scaredy cat. I mean would a mature confident woman head for the hills? (unless she was normally going there) Hold your head up even if you dont feel like it. do whats hard not whats easy.

I mean the reality is you had a thing for this guy and it didnt work out as planned and you were disappointed. wheres the shame in that? there is no shame in that. In fact to me that shows your open & emotionally operable (which is way more than I can say about many women I have met in the last few years.) rather than closed off and afraid. Yes I know it takes time to get over emotional wounds but the more you salve them in a healthy manner the faster they will heal. (really, trust me on this one)

But the best thing is regardless of this type of situation is be open and honest and if it doesnt go over as planned at least human about it. and whatever you do dont become an emotional zombie because you cant or dont want to deal with it.

now can I apologize for getting WAYYY off topic?

IF a woman is a poker player that doesnt make her any hotter to me but it would probably make her more compatible. which in a way could make her hotter over all. but a hot woman who can check raise correctly? Now that is smoking!! YMMV

no er yeah.. ah... the wham bam is basically mutual physical and or genetic attraction. but like on steroids.

Oh yeah, I'm no stranger to the feeling, I certainly understand.

It just seemed like it didn't apply in this situation... er but maybe it did, I don't really know.

I do think, overall though, females won't feel it as strongly if it's just a physical thing, they seem to usually need some other factor to really feel head over heals, where as guys will usual, get the 'wham bam' feeling strictly from looking at a girl.

I would hope so, not like I need it either way...lul.

I think you may be confusing the logical rationalization of "compatibility" with something much more basic. iwham bam is magnetism at a genetic level and both sexes feel it.

and its a fact that guys simply are more willing to go with it and at a basic level we "have to" regardless of all the social programming we get.

I do agree that females "have to" select . but a HUGE part of that selection criteria is genetic in nature. I mean DAM watch the animal channel if you need examples. But as higher level beings our selection criteria is, for lack of a better word, much more "socialized". I mean you dont see birds going through a mating ritual that at the last sec go, "wait my friends might not like you or madison ave tells me you must have X type of hair style." no if its right they just go for it.

Now Im not saying socialization irrational or otherwise wont change the "compatibility criteria". you dont have to look beyond all the unrealistic expectations among people to see that. I mean why do women get all dolled up go out turn down every man they meet, then complain to their friends that there aren't any good men out there, all the ones that are are already taken? OR guys turn down the simply beautiful girl next door they are attracted too is search of some mystical supermodel. The fact is that there are lots of good single guys/girls out there. its just folks compatibility criteria are screwed up. nature gave us a dam good compatibility criteria selector with in our genetic make up. Many modern humans are the just too socialized to use it optimally. And this isnt just girls, guys too. and that socialization esp in the US tends toward irrational and or unrealistic. In fact in many cases what would normally evolve into a super relationship doesn't.

but don't get me wrong Im not saying that social compatibility criteria isn't important it is. but I think you are confusing the two and denying that basic genetic attraction is very likely the most important component of the selection process for both sexes.

and getting back to my first point both guys and girls shouldnt be afraid to at least follow that feeling up. I mean its real and a heck of an indicator and the hard core wham bam is felt by both people. and with that be adult enough to accept the outcome in a mature rational way.

Eh... I'll just say this.


I am a guy.

If I am looking purely for a one night stand, or the like, and 'just want to ****' with no strings attached and no suggestion of any further relations post ****ing, I'm, likely going to choose who I want to **** that night/moment based entirely on who looks the most physically attractive to me.

I've asked a number of chicks, if they were out clubbing or what have you, and just looking to get laid for one night. If they chatted with two different guys, one was super hot, but not too interesting to talk to/not too interesting of a personality, and the other was just a bit above average looking, but really interested her with his charm/personality who would she choose?

I would snap answer the first one if the genders were reversed. Pretty much ever girl I've asked this two, said she would go home with guy #2, even if it was just sex, and nothing more.


I'd say, that's guys going based on the 'wham bam' physical feel and girls selecting on something else.

That was my point.



Just look at the 10 hottest men in Poker thread. So many of the guys on those list leave me, and apparently a lot of other guys totally bewildered. I'd expect those list to be filled with Ryan Gosling, Jake Gylenhall and Tyler Latner types, but that isn't the case.

Well PA is on pretty much every list, apparently some girls like dorky Asian guys a lot. NanoNoko was actually at the top of a couple girls list. I'll be honest, I just can't see why, but, I guess that's exactly why us guys can't always understand their selection methods.

I used to think similarly to you, but after getting facts, from the source as it were, I no longer do.

I think, for casual sex, romance, and reproduction females actually select males very differently then us males expect them to.

And so no, I don't think they usually select on the 'wham bam' physical feeling, as we do.

I'll respect a guy and maybe have more in common with him if he is not terrible at poker, but how he carries himself at the table is way more important to me. The most unattractive guys are vocal about how great they think they are at poker, and they berate people they think are bad at poker. Bonus douchebag points are given if they chew gum really loudly and wear sunglasses to micro stakes live tournaments.

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