Don't know if this is the right forum for this, but I don't really see a better one.

I'm an openly gay man that has just started playing live poker after playing online for a couple of years. I'm not flamboyant, but anyone with "gaydar" probably can figure out that I'm gay.

Anyway, I was at a 1/2 table and won a guys stack with top boat vs. bottom boat - his third or fourth BI that he had lost in about an hour. When it was done, he looked around the table and announced, "what a ******y play". (the ******y word starts with an f, if that helps).

Now I'm not a wallflower when it comes to defending myself in real life - I've worked in politics for 15 years and am pretty good at standing up for myself - but for some reason I froze and just let the comment go. I have to admit, being at a live table for the first time had me nervous enough as it was.

A little later, the younger guy sitting next to me leaned over and whispered "you okay, man?". I shrugged and said yeah, I'm fine, but honestly I was a little shaken by it.

I admit there is part of me that is upset with myself for not saying "no, not a ******y play, but one made by a gay man - that just took your stack.", but I think in reality that would have just escalated the situation.

How do people here handle these sorts of incidents when they happen? I imagine women playing live face this more often that I will, but I'd love to get some perspective.

I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm fairly certain this forum is fine for such a discussion.

Personally, because of my background and experience, I'm very likely to confront someone head on when I feel slighted in such a way. It doesn't happen often, and almost never happens a second time because the offender usually ends up feeling so embarrassed and ******ed by the time I'm done with them. I think that's necessary, if very hard to do - people who use hate speech will continue to do so as long as people remain silent, and unfortunately it's usually up to the victims to speak up first, and say hey, that's offensive, knock it off.

I've said a couple of times in different forums and threads, however, that these type of personal attacks won't disappear until the average hetero GUYS start fighting against them. Everyone understands the heat of the moment, but there is (or should be) a line that you don't cross, but it gets crossed all the time because there are still people who think calls gay men f*** and making sexually explicit comments about women are fine, because they are funny or just because those insults haven't yet been culturally elevated to the equivalent of calling a black individual the N word. Until words like f** are widely recognized as the hate speech they are, such incidents will continue to occur.

In a previous thread the suggestion was made to call for the floor and request a seat change when you feel insulted, and make it perfectly clear why you are requesting the change. Your comeback, had you been comfortable making it at the time, should also have shamed him. Unfortunately, though, there is always a slight risk of these things happening when you play live.

Rest assured that there are poker players out there, though, who would have stepped up and told anyone at the table saying things like that they were out of line, whether they knew (or suspected) that a gay man was at the table at all. I know I would have. It's pretty easy to say something like, "That's not cool, there's no need to use language like that." I encourage everyone, particularly the average guys who make up 95%+ of the poker world, to not tolerate blatant sexual or homophobic comments when they occur (which, fortunately, I do think is a relatively rare percentage of the time). It's too easy to think that a woman who complains about someone at their table constantly commenting on her breasts or her sexual proclivities is just an uptight bitch (or, and I usually want to choke anyone who ever implies this, "on the rag"). I mean, come on, loosen up, it's just a joke, everyone is hear to have a good time, right?

Except that I don't think calling gay men f*** is all that funny or entertaining, myself. And if you don't think so either, you should speak up.

You know, I think I was just kind of stunned. I mean, I was nervous as it was being my first time playing live, and the dealer on top of that wasn't the friendliest guy around, really pushing for decisions while I was trying to think about what I wanted to do. Then when that comment came out, I wasn't even really sure if it was aimed at me directly at first or if it was an expression that the guy used regularly - I mean I imagine poker rooms aren't exactly the center of the PC universe. But the look the guy gave me told me that it was definitely aimed at me.

I'm just kicking myself now and feeling weak for not standing up for myself, ya know? There was some non-verbal support for me around the table and I noticed a couple of younger guys went out of their way to chat with me after the incident (and an older woman at the table kept giving the guy what can only be described as the look of death every time she bet in a pot with him). But the truth is it made me uncomfortable enough to leave earlier than I would have otherwise, and looking back that makes me feel even weaker about my response.

I do like your straight forward approach. "That's not cool, there's no need to use language like that." works better than the pithy one liner and also puts me in control of the situation by drawing a line without inviting escalation. Thanks for the input.

I've been a live player for quite sometime and have never been disrespected by a guy while playing. I imagine if it did happen it would actually amuse me. Its indicative of several things, most important reason is you have valuable information given to you by your opponent. He is on tilt thinking irrationally, perhaps he's going to change his play to try to compensate, he's going to try and make you his target, these are all likely possibilities.
When I play poker I look at it as a business. You are always going to have difficult customers or clients and might be subject to abuse. At the end of the day though my goal is my goal and I try to attain it by any means necessary, using all the information that I have to my advantage.
I completely understand that there are things that are completely out of line and that the sensitivity threshold is different for anyone. In your case this obviously affected you greatly. You made a good decision leaving earlier than you would have because you shouldnt let negativity get in the way of your success. That guy is a douchebag and you should feel sorry for him for having such a rotten soul. He's such a great player he has to berate people at a 1/2 table no less? Please!
Im sorry this happened to you and affected you in a bad way, I hope that if this occurs again you are able to defend yourself the way you wanted to.

I have been called a multiple nasty things at the table, including the word you mentioned. I have also been threatened to be "taken outside" and have "my ass kicked" multiple times. If you are playing for fun, you shouldn't take the verbal abuse and should talk to the floor/security about it, because stuff like that is definitely hurtful and will kill the fun atmosphere of a table. If poker makes up a decent amount of your income, I would just let the verbal stuff slide, because usually the players who use these derogatory terms are some of the worst players in the room. What's the old expression? Its "easy to take a lot of abuse when the person is hosing you with money"?

There is something to be said for this. This guy was definitely the table ATM, and I admit I knew I had him beat and also knew he would call my reraise with the rest of his stack, so in terms of poker, I really didn't want this guy to leave the table - for my sake and for the few other players that saw him for what he was. Truth be told, I was up $227 in just three hours at my first live game ever in no small part because of this player and the very nice lady that was on vacation who kept small stack rebuying and giving her chips to the rest of us. So in terms of poker, it was a nice few hours, and if I'm focused on the goal of parting players with their money, he's the type of player who I would hope I'd be seated with regularly.

I think I'm more mad at myself for not standing up for myself in some way than actually feeling threatened by the guy.

I wouldn't be too down on yourself, most people are just socially conditioned to do almost anything to avoid making a scene or do anything that could be construed as rude. Even when we have every right to be mad about something, or speak up when we've been treated unfairly, most of us tend to let some of those things slide, myself included.

My mom asked why I didn't speak up for myself recently when doing so would have prevented significant physical pain on my part (long story short, a morbidly obese guy passed over other empty seats and ended up in the window seat in my row on a crowed flight, forcing my boyfriend into me and pinning my bad hip against the armrest for 5+ hours) and I was flabbergasted - it never occurred to me to say "no". Obviously your case is very different, but still, we are socialized from a very young age to be polite and not cause a scene, and that can be very difficult to overcome in an unfamiliar setting.

I'm glad you got some nonverbal support from others at the table, although I would hope that someday you'll either get verbal support or, better yet, wouldn't need it at all because idiot like that will just keep their mouth shut.

First I'm assuming he was not sure you are gay. So let's say you are not gay. But you are a guy more on the "feminine" side. If he was mad, he would've said that to you, gay or not gay. The only problem was that you took it personally.
It there a difference in calling someone f**, idiot, stupid, pussy, etc,?

You should feel (imo) as angry as he was calling you an idiot. And then why get angry, you have his money, right?

You want him to be mad, but not mad enough to leave. I don't know if you should've said something, the first think in my mind is something like: "yeah man, I know, it's a pain in the ass".
The important thing is for you not to tilt and take his and other's money. Simple.

You're right - I know I'm conditioned not just by my upbringing but by my profession to be careful about my words - and in the case of my profession taking verbal abuse without responding is part of the job.

I also think that this was my worst fear walking into the poker room, aside from making a fool of myself with my play of course. Having it actually play out - even in the weak way he did it - was mortifying at the time. I'm definitely glad I left because I know my play would have suffered. Who knows, maybe that was his point?

That said, I think hearing what people on here have to say is helpful and is building my confidence back up to be able to go back next weekend and try again. Of course, the $70+ per hour win rate doesn't hurt the confidence meter, either...

Yeah, that wouldn't hurt. Go get 'em!

Really, I think this situation, as unfortunate as it is that it did happen, is pretty rare (at least in my experience). It's pretty likely that you could go a dozen or more times without experiencing anything like it again.

If it were to happen again, I'd consider talking to the floor privately - obnoxious bigots who make you uncomfortable to the point that you would consider going someplace else is certainly something they should address.

And while I understand people have differing opinions on this, I disagree that hate speech of any type should just be shrugged off. Calling someone a f** is on par, IMO, with the N word. There's a world of difference between getting frustrated and calling someone a donkey or an idiot and upping the ante to slurs based on race, sexual orientation, or gender. Allowing such things to slide allows them to flourish. Mentally being able to shrug it off is good for me in the short term (the internal dialogue of "wow, what an idiot, this guy must be on major tilt and I can stack him" is certainly healthy for your own sense of well-being), it does nothing to correct the long term problem.

I understand lol it's a casino don't get so worked up, the PC police are ruining everything, but I think it's a fallacy to compare this to a job where part of the description happens to be taking a certain amount of abuse (and speaking as someone who had that job for six years as a cop, I know whereof I speak). If I'm at a poker table, whether it's my job or just for pleasure, I'm also a customer of the casino, and as such I have a reasonable expectation that the casino will do their best to ensure I'm not mistreated while on the premises. And honestly, I have no idea why people think that just because it's a casino and ergo an adult environment, they should have carte blanche to act like they would with their friends, including making sexual, racist, or homophobic comments or jokes. Yeah, we're all adults, but you don't know me, you don't know my stance on such things, so WTF? How hard is it to not open your mouth and prove you're an intolerant bigot?

It's interesting how you are talking about toeing the line between standing up for yourself and hurting your profit - I had to make the same very weird choice when Men Nguyen was being a turd to me during the $10k PLO event at the WSOP. He was saying very homophobic comments out of nowhere, and I told him he was a jerk... but when the floor came over and asked what they should do, no one wanted him to get a penalty because he was by far the worst player at the table. I definitely felt a little bad after the fact that my desire for money/success got in the way of my ethics on the situation.

At the end of the day, I think you just have to stick up for you when it feels right, and when it doesn't for whatever situation, it doesn't always have to be you/us doing it. Like SGT says, we need people not in the community to stand up for others too. I will say that when I have spoken up to people being disrespectful, most people have agreed with me... even the ones you wouldn't expect. So my take on it is don't feel obligated all the time, but when you do want to, know you will have support from others even if they don't look the part.

+1, I know I would have. And I am sorry that this happened to OP & fslexduck.

Personally I find it much easier to defend someone else than myself in the sometimes nasty world of live poker. I think it is pretty easy to come up with something to say that will make the insulted player feel defended without spurring further hate-speech from the jerk, as SGT RJ points out. In this situation, I would have likely said "Hey, I thought we were having fun here; no need for name calling," with a smile.

As for blatantly sexist comments, I do get them from time to time, but consider them a tell that my opponent is not a super intelligent person and am mostly content to just take their money.

Okay, now that I've calmed down from the fact that my favorite pro poker player responded to one of my posts, I'll say something about what you said.

It is a tough line to toe, and one that honestly I wasn't really expecting to deal with, especially playing my first live game at a well known casino. That said, if I hadn't been worried about it happening in the first place so much I don't think it would have affected me so adversely.

On the positive end of all of this, though, is that it has forced me to realistically look at the situation as a real one that, albeit from what I've heard on here is very rare, I may have to deal with again. Now it's not just a fear to be dealt with in my mind, its a reality that can be acted upon. That in itself is empowering. As far as we've come in the LGBT community in my 40+ years, its still a reality that many of us have our fear radar up when we enter a place where we are surrounded by lots of straight men. I've got to find a way to keep my wits about me, yet still keep my poker bearings as well.

In reality, I was in a perfect poker situation. I had a player at my table that was spewing chips everywhere, was going on tilt, but was still buying in for more. Can't ask for much more than that. Hopefully it doesn't happen this way again, but if it does I think I'm better prepared for it thanks to everyone's help in thinking it through.

Its interesting that the situation you were in being talked about here on 2p2 was what gave me the nerve to bring this up in the first place. Thank you for all you do for poker.

Sorry. I don't agree with this. Would you feel better if he said "what a homosexual play"? It's the same thing.

"Allowing such things to slide allows them to flourish." That's just wrong and has a low level logic. You think that you can convince them to like you or what? Or you goal is only for him not to talk bad to you and that's it.
How many people use today ******? (you keep referring to it as the N word, that's "gay", saying ****** or saying the N word is the same thing <<he said the N word, what is that? oh he meant ******).

"And while I understand people have differing opinions on this, I disagree that hate speech of any type should just be shrugged off." You are not using the same measure here. You should not "understand", you should agree that people have different opinions. This is bias like allowing black people to call whites crackers.
People will hate and discriminate other people. And they are free to do so (this could be a long and could be another topic "freedom of speaker is not for the thoughts you love but rather for the ones you hate").

Words are just that: words. As long as it doesn't get physical or very aggressive anyone should be free to say anything. And you are free to defend. But think about it, what is your goal? SGT want for him not to say f**** or the "N word" aka ******, let's assume that you accomplish that and he will say other things that aren't related to your gender or skin color. He will find other things that would tilt you, because that is his goal. If you degenerate SGT thinking you will come here and say he called you a nit because you are gay. I mean come on, this is just trash talk at a poker table, this is not discrimination. Discrimination is when you can't get a job that you are good at because you are a woman, black, gay, white, asian, or you can't vote because you are a woman, or can't get married because you are gay.

Bottom line: You want to play with educated people that tolerate you or with the ones that are narrow minded?
1. If you are in a tournament and is the first time you see this guy you can speak with the floor and see what happens.
2. If you are in a cash game and he keeps donating why would you what him to leave and never play with you?

Most of the young guys that started playing poker live were discriminated by the majority (old guys), and were called names and so on.
What is disappointing to me is that you are seeing a difference between : "such a f**** play" and "this f***ing prick comes here and plays like a **** and wins".
Poker is about money, not about being the best, liked and so on.

Alinthecount, welcome to TWSS. I am glad that you have been able to voice your situation, receive input and a response from your fav player! She is def one of my favs as well

That being said, unfortunately, you have been introduced to the world of live poker as it actually is. Those of us who were hit the hardest by Black Friday not only lamented the fact that a huge (sole for many) portion of our income stream was gone, or that our entire bankrolls had disappeared, but that many of us were now to become live pros and with that comes dealing with and having to put up with the sometimes ugly nature of live poker and the people who play it. While I personally was about 90% online and 10% live prior to BF, I remember feeling grateful whenever I left a live tournament in a casino and was able to get back online the next day, not having to listen to people's dumb comments or thoughts about any and everything. So I can definitely sympathize with your situation on many different levels.

In addition, I think that yes, this forum is correct for you to post your experience in, as a lot of females will be able to identify with your situation, having been called derogatory names in for simply being a woman in a "man's" world of poker. I have even had my life threatened over a poker game in North Africa simply because I held my ground when voicing a rule infraction that was upheld by the floor in a country where women are not as respected as men.

I'm glad that you have found us and hope to hear about your future experiences!

There are some differences that are important to point out. In the real world, when a someone that is gay/lesbian hears the "f word" - especially in a situation where you have reason to believe you are the only gay person around, it is seen as potentially something that can quickly lead to violence, so no I don't agree it's just like other words - it really does rise to a different level. Like the "n word", it puts the person being talked to on a threat alert in a way that "homosexual" or gay - or kid or other condescending words - do not.

That said, back to the situation at hand, I did realize quickly that I was not in a situation where I was in immediate danger from this guy or anyone else. Instead, I think I was more upset that I didn't stand up for myself (because of my internal ethics, not because of any poker reasoning), but now that I've worked through that, I'm back looking at the poker situation, and I agree with your conclusion along with others, which I stated above:

1. Either the guy was trying to put me on tilt, or was going on tilt himself. Likely both.
2. He was bleeding chips, but was buying in for more.
3. He had looked around the table and looked for support when he made the comment in the first place, probably looking for support. Finding none, he didn't pursue it.
4. Going forward, if faced with this exact situation again I think I would say something straightforward about that language not being acceptable and left it at that, and continued to play may game (and hope to find myself with more of his new BI).

I was in a good situation poker-wise, but I definitely was thrown off mentally, so that time I made the right decision (even if I didn't think it through that way) to leave rather than continue playing.

Thanks for the feedback.

It is definitely quite a difference not having a "mute" button like in online play. How I miss that...

Generally, the table I was at was actually pretty good I think, especially for a first time. Seat one had a grinder that really was having more problems staying awake than anything else, which I found weird for the middle of the afternoon. Seat two was the tourist lady that was randomly throwing her $40 chip stacks to people, but was very nice. Seat three was a younger guy, very nice and a really good player and I avoided getting into hands with him. Seat four was a regular (every dealer knew his name) and wasn't nearly as good as he seemed to think he was and loved throwing out poker terms you hear on WSOP replays on ESPN. I was in seat five. Seat six was a younger guy that was making the switch from online to live (it was his second live game) who had a habit of showing me his cards and telling me his thinking - sometimes while I was still in the hand with him. He was the one that asked me if I was okay later, and when I left both he and seat three made a point of asking when I'd be coming back and to look for them. Seat seven I really don't remember much about to be honest. Seat eight was an older guy that grunted a lot, but never spoke and seemed to limp into any pot but folded constantly to any aggression at all. Seat nine was the villain. Seat ten was a woman that was loose passive in play and was the one that gave the villain the "look of death" after his comment.

I'm really sorry to hear about the North Africa experience. That sounds extremely scary, especially since you are in a foreign country and because of the cultural attitude you mention. Good for you for standing your ground, but wow.

Ya, was def one of those life experiences you'll never forget. Needless to say, I won't play at that casino anymore, although my bf has been there since BF playing high stakes nlh and plo. He is supposed be home Sunday, but that may change based on how the game is going at the time.

I've traveled quite a bit for poker to several countries and it is definitely interesting to observe the cultural and social differences when it comes to male/female interactions within the poker industry. I think that's why I do travel so much and why I enjoy it. I feel like the more situations I expose myself, whether they relate to poker or real-life, the better prepared I am for everything else. Unfortunately though, we all encounter yucky people from time to time. I am however a firm believer that it makes us stronger in the end.

1.I understand what you are saying, but I don't agree. Should a man that in all his childhood was treated as nerd be on alert when someone calls him "****ing nerd" ? He should realize that the person in front of him is not so bright.

You say: "a situation where you have reason to believe you are the only gay person around, it is seen as potentially something that can quickly lead to violence, so no I don't agree it's just like other words"
Well you can see if it will lead to violence or not in his eyes, body language, voice tone, etc. He can say you're an idiot, or you're a f**** and punch you in the face.

What I think you are trying to say is that you are afraid he will beat you and nobody will prevent that, security, others, etc. witch I don't believe it to be true. I understand this fear. But again, maybe he didn't knew you are gay. He just said something that any man straight or gay would be offended by.

2. Talking about fear, I don't agree with banning words. N*****, f****, etc. This is a long debate and bottom line is about what you think freedom is.

3. I think I would say something straightforward about that language not being acceptable and left it at that, and continued to play may game
This could work if he is intelligent enough. The first line in my mind when I read this was: "OK sir, sorry about that, I'll try to play straight with you". But it's all in you body response. A little funny, sends a message that you will not be intimidated or tilted by what he is saying.

I understand your point, but there are some conditioning responses that make it different. I can see the "nerd" thing being close, but only close.

Some words, when directed at you (f, n, and for women I imagine "the c word") immediately boost adrenaline flow as well as a natural "fight or flight" response. Rationally we can talk about how to handle it, but after years of conditioning yourself to be aware of the danger that can come with these words, its not always reality to be able to always be rational immediately.

The next hand I played in I noticed my hands were shaking. Was I in immediate danger? No. Did I know I wasn't in any danger? Yes, I did know. Still, the adrenaline response was there and hard to control.

A walk around away from the table would probably have helped as well, but based on my mental state and the shaking hands, I probably made the right call by just calling it a day, packing up my $200+ in winnings, and going home.

As for the freedom to say what we want - yes, that freedom exists. But that doesn't mean that it is socially acceptable. While I wouldn't advocate for a legal framework to stop it, I do think that it is important ethically to call people out on it. There is a difference. It's not so much about his intelligence level and whether or not it stops him in the future (although there is hope that he will see that it isn't tolerated) as it is for my own peace of mind. Remember when I started this thread, I was more upset about not standing up for myself than anything else. Over the course of hearing what you and others have said, now I'm kicking myself (just a little) about not being calmer and seeing the ripe poker situation I had sitting in front of me.

OK, I understand and agree with what you're saying.
And given what you said I think you made the right call to walk away from the table. Maybe in the future this think will not affect you so much and handle it better (from you own and from the "poker" view).

Honestly I'm not 100% sure I even understand everything you've written, but I'm going to give a response a shot.

1. Had someone said, "What a gay play," or "What a homosexual play", yes, that would have been the same thing. It's an assault based on gender, race, or sexual orientation, which crosses the line into hate speech, IMO. But certain words always hit that button a little more forcefully; ask the average woman how she feels about being called a bitch, a whore, or the C word. Go on, ask her.

2. I disagree that it's "low level logic" to assert that allowing incidents of hate speech to slide without speaking up allows them to flourish. As Duck also pointed out, there are times where you might make a choice (such as because of the likelihood for profit at a poker table, or due to the issue of personal safety in a hostile environment) to not speak up, and we could endlessly debate the greater good in those situations (I would definitely support not speaking up if it placed you in immediate physical danger, ldo, and you are kidding yourself if you think those situations still don't exist in our society). But the choice not to speak up is often construed as tacit approval (silence interpreted as consent), and people who think it is okay to use hate speech will continue to do so as long as they think the silent majority either agree with them or won't condemn them for doing so.

I support the right of individuals to believe whatever they want to believe, and to speak their minds in the privacy of their own homes or other private venues. However, the rights of society must also be acknowledged when you enter the public arena, and I certainly have the right to tell you I think you are a bigoted jerk for using such speech in public and supporting the right of LBGT individuals to, you know, exist without being marginalized.

3. I never claimed it was discrimination, I claimed it was hate speech. I speak out against hate speech when it occurs in my presence, hoping that by doing so there will be less of it. This does not in any way negate the right of people to say whatever they want (within the legal boundaries). And my statement about "differing opinions" means that I recognize that they may be some who do not agree with my interpretation of hate speech in this way.

4. Someone using offensive language in a public venue can be construed as hostile. You have the right to do so, of course, but the other customers have the right to complain, and a privately operated business has the right to kick your ass out if you persist. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (or the one), you know.

5. I'm not gay, ergo I can't really understand what it would feel like to be verbally attacked in that way. I am female, however, and have been verbally assaulted on that basis (as well as physically assaulted, I might add). People who are a part of whatever the societal majority is simply CANNOT understand the fear that occurs when you are singled out in this way.

I tried to explain this to my boyfriend once. A woman grows up learning (and sometimes experiencing) that she is more likely to be a victim SIMPLY BY VIRTUE OF WHAT SHE IS. It makes you a little more wary in strange circumstances, gives you a heightened sense of your own vulnerability, and can put you on edge very quickly when you sense an impending attack. Even a small verbal "assault" can start this process. Now, at a poker table this wouldn't tilt me (or not for very long) because of the inherent safety of the situation (large, crowded room) and my intellectual knowledge of what I can do about it (complain, stand up for myself). But that gut reaction is still there, and will always be there, simply because I know, and have experienced, the truth that I can be a victim just because I'm a woman. The average white male doesn't have those experiences.

And please note that I'm not a particularly uptight or prissy person. I've never complained about swearing at the table, or worried about good natured teasing or banter, and trust me, I give as good as I get. But there's a line that you shouldn't cross, IMO, with certain words or situations.

This x 100. This has nothing to do with banning certain words and everything to do with recognizing the impact those words can have (again, hate speech) and being willing to speak out against them.

There's no way this was the first time something similar hasn't happened to OP, but it was his first time in a poker setting, and processing it will definitely help him stack the moron in the future.

SGT I will not continue debating with you on this here because it is off topic.

Please watch this 2 episodes, even if you don't like southpark:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full...ate-crime-2000
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full...e12-the-f-word

What they are saying in this 2 episodes is basically what I'm trying to say.
If you need/like/want we can continue on another thread or by PM.

I love South Park.

I think you are the one missing the point and ergo have zero interest in engaging in any kind of PM debate.

I didn't say villain in OPs story had engaged in discrimination, or should be sent to jail or a sensitivity camp or any of that ****, I said that I speak up against hate speech when I hear it (and encourage others to do the same) and don't think it should be tolerated so that it becomes less frequent.

That doesn't in any way detract from my belief that people should have the right to say whatever they want within the confines of the law, it's simply the method I would choose into shaming blatantly hateful/offensive people into keeping their opinions to themselves in my presence. If they don't, I can hack it, believe me.