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Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments

08-29-2011 , 09:05 AM
Thought I'd give an update. I've gone back to play three times since I originally posted this. Not only am I doing well at 1/2 NLHE (20 hours and up $358...I'll take it), but the experience has been great. From the group that was in town getting ready for their Fantasy Football draft by playing at the casino to some regulars I'm getting to know, it really has become a good time on my day off.

Thank you to everyone for the feedback. I think that if that hadn't happened on my very first time playing live, it wouldn't have been such a shock to me. The feedback I've received, along with getting to know my "local card room" including some of the dealers, have put me in a much better position to deal with this if it ever comes up again.

Interestingly, I'm finding the female regulars to be taking the time to get to know me and almost take me under their wing. Don't know what to make of it, but it's nice to be making some friends while having a good time.
Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Quote
08-30-2011 , 02:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ACShark425
+1
My beautiful wife is very disabled now. She is mostly wheelchair bound, she's been sick since she was 36. She keeps going on for us though and we keep trying to help her fight her fight. I see how hurt she is just when people push by and sigh or talk under their breath. I don't respond cause she would kill me, lol but I'd like to. Our goal is to be here for the cure, you aren't semi anythying, you are winning please keep it up.
Hey buddy, just saw this reply and want to say just keep doing what your doing and my thoughts are with you and the wife.
Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Quote
09-03-2011 , 09:37 PM
Words don't hurt and the "sticks and stones" line actually makes a lot of sense. To be honest, there isn't much difference between racial slurs and insults like "idiot." A racial slur (or a slur like f*g) is basically saying "you're an idiot because you're [insert race/sexual orientation]." The effect of racial slurs is more significant because people make a big deal about race relations. It's really not that big of a deal. Is there really a big difference between someone saying something to you because of your race/sexual orientation as opposed to them saying something to you simply because they don't like your face?

Whenever someone says something that you find insulting, it really is better to brush it off rather than trying to get them to stop saying whatever they said. Whenever you show disgust, speak up about it or threaten the person, you want them to stop saying the word. However, whenever you get to the point when you can successfully make a word taboo, guess what? The person will simply use another word. What will you do then? Ban the new word? He'll just use another word and the cycle will continue until no one is allowed to speak.

It's a shame how the negative people can control what the average person can say because others are uptight. This is the reason why the word "******" (a medical term) and symbols like the swastika (a sacred symbol of good luck) are now treated like poison because some people used them negatively. Is that going to be the response every time someone use a word negatively? We're going to try to make the word taboo?

If someone calls you a truck in a negative manner enough, you're going to try to make the word "truck" taboo? Ignoring and brushing these things off is the best answer. The people making negative comments are trying to make you feel like crap and/or get a rise out of you. If you brush it off and make it obvious that their attempts at getting attention failed, they'll feel stupid and embarrassed, which usually makes them stop talking.
Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Quote
09-05-2011 , 01:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mach2
Hey buddy, just saw this reply and want to say just keep doing what your doing and my thoughts are with you and the wife.
Thank you Mach2. We appreciated it.
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09-05-2011 , 02:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alinthecount
Interestingly, I'm finding the female regulars to be taking the time to get to know me and almost take me under their wing. Don't know what to make of it, but it's nice to be making some friends while having a good time.
Even the gay guys gettin' more chicks than me...sigh
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09-05-2011 , 02:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nolimitfiend
Even the gay guys gettin' more chicks than me...sigh
Maybe it's the Avatar. It scares them off.
Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Quote
09-05-2011 , 09:50 PM
And all this time I thought it was the Billy Bob Thornton "Slingblade" look and the windowless Econline van.
Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Quote
09-06-2011 , 01:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nolimitfiend
And all this time I thought it was the Billy Bob Thornton "Slingblade" look and the windowless Econline van.
No Women love that look and the van is so very... sexy... really. And it look good on you though!
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09-06-2011 , 12:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Let's Do This!
This is the reason why the...swastika (a sacred symbol of good luck) are now treated like poison because some people used them negatively.
Yeah, some people did. You have a gift for understatement.
Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Quote
09-07-2011 , 06:29 PM
if this exact thing happened to me, i prolly would have ignored it completely and have my poker face on as usually. just gotta look at it as who cares. it wasn't anything against u at all. just a seat number

poker is all about how u are feeling.. if the way your feeling is effecting your A game.. get up for a round and take deep breaths
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02-05-2012 , 10:03 AM
bump
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02-05-2012 , 08:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishdonkey
I'm a heterosexual man, so I'm not sure if merely disagreeing with ***** and feminist types is crossing the line around here. I'll take the risk.

Dear friend, the poker room is one of the last havens of testosterone on earth. It is one of the few places that are patronized mainly by heterosexual men, and where a man can hope to be himself and not have to sugarcoat everything he says and does. "a f-word play" is pretty standard language for the poker room. If this makes you too uncomfortable, please find a different hobby or play online with chat turned off.

You won't see me join a men's figure skating team and complain that the guys are looking at my butt.

Have a fabulous week.
the name is almost too perfect.
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02-05-2012 , 09:35 PM
I have some stories about this. Last time I went to Vegas I experienced one of the most "sweet" insults I have ever heard, and trust me, being usually the only girl of the tables, I am used to guys saying mean stuff or just hitting on me, lol. I will never forget that after I checked raised the flop on a semi bluff (had the Ace high flush draw) and went all in on the turn I ended up taking Ryan"s money (f^^^^ u if you are reading this). He said I was just lucky and quote: all you have to do at the poker table is just talk to the guys and smile, we....the guys....we gotta work hard at this. Then he later said to another player to call my all in, that I was just on vacation, I was not a serious poker player.

I usually do not get upset for comments like this, yet this one made me want to punch that idiot right in the face. I mean, I know I am no Vannessa Selbst or Liv Boeree, but I do my homework, I read my books, I practice my poker math and really try to get better every day. The thing is that I might get to the point where I play an excellent A game, and even become pro, which is the dream of course, and these comments will not stop, perhaps it may get even worse.

I will go back to Vegas this summer. I will be waiting for the Ryans that may sit at my table....
Dealing with Sexist or Homophobic Comments Quote
02-06-2012 , 01:27 AM
I didn't read the thread, but FWIW I'm a straight male and I would have told the person that said that to you to go F himself and I hope someone at the table had the decency to do so for you since you were too shocked to do so yourself.

All the "last havens of testosterone" people(who apparently didn't pay all that much attention in biology class) are pretty stupid to make newcomers uncomfortable. I'm glad to hear that you didn't let the experience dissuade you from coming back and that you're winning!

Edited to add: Briefly skimming the thread I can't believe how many people are saying this kind of thing is okay or "just words." For those of you that think so keep in mind that sexist/homophobic comments(in addition to being morally and societally unacceptable) discourage over 50% of the population from setting foot into a poker room which is certainly bad for the game.
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