The first time i played with "Carwash Dave" was on memorial day weekend i believe. Once you play with Dave you'll never forget him. So this is the night i met the man, the legend, "CARWASH DAVE".........
It was a typical weekend night of Fishboy spewing off his chippies and getting buried in a decent 100-200 game. So i'm kinda in a miserable mood and in walks Carwash Dave. Dave claims to own a gazillion carwash's throughout the country. Dave's short, stocky(got a beer gut), dresses kinda messy to fit his hair(old jeans and t-shirt). What i mean to fit his hair is his hair is messy. He always has a portion of his hair standing straight up. Kinda like those comedy skits where a bomb blows up in a guy's face. Or like Cameron Diaz's hair in the movie "There's Something About Mary" where it sticks up because she uses ben stiller's "gel". When Dave talks he has this annoying tone kinda like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.
So he starts to play and won't shut f**k up for one second, a constant rain man tone discussing everything under the sun from the hand played to Lamborghini's. When he starts talking Lambo's one of the other players gets more interested in his drivel. As this man is a gazillionaire(all high stakes live limit holdem players know this guy from Colorado) and is into lambo's as well. So Dave is like "well i definately like Lambo's", so Colorado guy says "I love lambo's too, i got a few" Dave: "well i trade in my lambo every year and get the new model as who wants an old lambo" Colorado: "oh you do that to
". Dave feeling like he needs to prove he's the Lambo king at the table says "yeah but do you have a Lambo boat?" Some of the players start to think he's lying but Colorado says "no, there is a Lambo boat and i been wanting to get one myself". Then Dave says "I definately have one, definately... Look(hands out his iphone to each player at the table to look at a pic of his wife sunbathing topless on the bow of the boat). Everyone is like wow, 1)kinda shocked the guy is showing us his wife topless and 2) she's super hot(a tall statuesque blonde kinda looking like Casey Kasem's irl wife, remember on the show Cheers Carla Tortelli's ex husband Nick got remarried to a tall blonde with a squeeky voice and a pony tail, that's what she looks like.
As Dave and Colorado continue to ramble on and compare whose penis is bigger, the rest of us are all wondering if Dave is full of sheit bout all this or not. Then Mrs. Carwash Dave walks in... She is dressed to kill, looking like a young Ivana Trump wearing beautiful jewelry and a beautiful evening dress. She walks up to him and he gets up to give her a hug(picture Danny Devito and a young Brigette Nielsen hooking up). So he tells her he'll meet up with her later, as she's off to some club.
So Dave gets back to playing. Dave plays every hand and can't believe it when he loses one. But this is understandable considering his last trip he won some obscene record setting amount of money over a weekend(I forget how much reg's said he won, something like 50k to 70k?), so i guess he expects to win every hand. Dave whines with that annoying tone when he loses hands, and needles when he beats you in a pot. One of the regs gave him his own nickname "Dave the Douche". Dave is losing on this night and goes for a walk. He is gone for like 2 and a half hours and hasn't been picked up yet, why? Because we are stealing the buttons the new dealers give him when they get in the box. You are supposed to get picked up after 3 buttons but there is noway anyone is ever gonna let this guy get picked up from any poker game EVER!!!!!!!! As we wait for Dave to come back we speculate where he might be and come up with the most obvious conclusion, that he is checking up on Mrs. Carwash Dave to make sure she isn't banging some young GQ guy from the club. Dave finally comes back and picks up right where he left off, talking non stop and playing every hand.
Dave is really annoying to play with, but most agree that its worth dealing with the mental warfare he is spewing. As it is majorly +EV to play with the carwash man. So next time you see a guy with his hair standing up and sounding like rain man you'll know you've just entered the "Carwash Dave" twilight zone!
Happy Holidays!!!!!!
Two Plus Two
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