August 3rd Recap: More Heartbreak

I was 6/17 in the WPN 10k GTD all in with QQ vs 22 for 2nd in chips.... I dodged the deuce on the flop, no 2 on the turn... can he dodge the river??????

NOPE... DEUCE.. THE DAGGER DEUCE

Lol.. so that left me 14/17.. I managed to make the FT but got 9th for $200.

Finished the day +270 total (most of it from 100nl FR)

I'm making deep runs every day, so it's only a matter of time.

Tomorrow I'm back at it!

Bankroll Update:

Had to pay bills/rent and paid off just a bit of one of my CC's.

My total poker bankroll is now at 12.8k.

Side note:

Playing for 10-12 hours every day is making me lose track of days.. seems like time is just passing by so fast. Sometimes I'll completely forget about a certain day.

Kind of stressful, but it motivates me to push even harder so I can achieve the life I want and start to take it easier once I make it there.

For now, no breaks

August 4th Recap

-$520 yesterday

Still running horrendously in late stage of MTT's. Also played 200nl FR this time and ran terrible at the beginning, but recouped some of it later on. Variance is a cruel bitch

So I'm on about a $2k downswing atm.

My only goal for today is to take the bad beats in stride. Just move on to the next hand and forget about it so I can make the best decision in the current hand.

GL everyone

August 5th Recap

Finished +$430 today

FT'd another 2 MTT's got 4th and 6th. Lost a coinflip in one, and then lost JJ vs 44 in the other =/

It's pretty insane how much more potential profit there could be if I ran better at the FT, but I guess everyone probably says that

Won a tiny bit at 200nl FR today.

Here's an updated cash graph since start of thread:



Full schedule again tomorrow.. my bink is coming.. i can feel it!

Just a heads up, most CC's will charge interest back to the first day if you don't pay it all off by the end of the promotional period. Make sure you don't get caught with your pants down come January.

Other than that, looking real solid so hopefully you won't have to worry about anything.

That's good to know. I wouldn't have thought that. Thanks!

August 6th Recap

Made 2 more FT's today.. only the 3k turbos tho.

In the first one I got 7th for $150 or something. In the second one I got 3rd for $360, losing AQ vs AJ for the lead. Always hurts.

Then I had a really deep run in the WPN 10k as well. Picked up KK in the CO. I'm 8/24 at this point. UTG nit opens, I jam. BB overcalls with AK, UTG nit calls with QQ. Flop all clear, turn a brick deuce, river...... A! DAMN!

Was for the chip lead and would have given me great potential for a 1k+ score.

Then the same guy dusted me off my KQ vs his JJ the next hand. Flopped a boat ofc.

Every time I had KK today I got busted by Ax. Why aren't 70/30's always 70/30.. what the hell!?

Late stage rungood one time please!

Anyway, finished +530 when all was said and done. Won a good chunk at 200nl FR.

Had a pretty sick hand right near the end:

I'm in the BB with QQ, BU 19/6 opens, SB lagtard 29/22 with 27% 3bet (4/14) 3bets him. I cold 4bet, BU folds, lagtard calls. Flop J94ss. I bet 45 into 120 and he jams over with AK and we hold.

Hoping for some rungood tomorrow.. probably won't play until a little later because I always do lunch with my dad on Fridays, but I'll get a good bit in.

Night!

1/10 in WPN 15k... 3.5k up top. This is the one I shipped a little over a month ago.

SN is NoThanksJefferson if anyone wants to rail

Gotten KK twice now on FT.. lost both times vs AK and A7 AIPF

5/6 right now

Out in 5th for $900.. A5 vs JT with 5bbs.

Losing KK twice to be a huge chiplead is very disappointing. Oh well.. wasn't meant to be today

Finished +680 and won a $162 ticket today.

Gonna give em hell tomorrow.

Night!

Couple thoughts running through my head.. just want to get them out.

Am I doomed to be miserable 95% of the time playing this game? Nothing but 1st place (ok, maybe 2nd too) is satisfying. It's super painful to lose, especially when you feel you've run bad.

Is the elation I feel when I win big enough to offset the disappointment and misery of the downswings and brutal losses? Does everything balance out in the end?

If you asked a depressed person that, they would say no. Are they extra happy when things go their way, just because they are usually depressed? When I used to be depressed, it definitely didn't feel like my happiness and sadness balanced out.

Maybe it's a good thing I get this upset about losing, because it drives me to come back even stronger. I really, really want to win more and more every time I suffer a loss.

At some point, though, I've got to enjoy what I've put everything into, otherwise all the suffering was for nothing. It doesn't matter if my pain drives me to do better if I'm perpetually disappointed 6/7 nights a week.

Writing all of this makes me think of gratitude. Most of us, especially myself, take the good things for granted. There are a lot of things about playing poker for a living that are super nice, but I never acknowledge them. I never think about them. Always the negative, never the positive.

Here's what I'm thankful for as a poker pro:

-Nobody to report to
-I look forward to firing up my MTT schedules every morning instead of dreading going to a job
-I can wake up whenever I want
-I can take a day off or vacation whenever I want
-I can play from anywhere if I decide to travel
-I've met some great online friends through this game
-I HAVE made enough money to support myself
-This game allows a lot of time for self reflection and working on my flaws both in and out of poker.
-I'm home for my dog all day, which is nice because she's very old.
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I feel better. Gonna take a bath and go to bed.. goodnight for real this time!

Or, when all else fails, Doug the Pug always finds a way to cheer me up

After cooling down a bit I realize I'm fortunate to have even made the FT and be chipleader, very fortunate.

I want to share one hand that I think I played terribly...

I open K7o in the CO. Not an open I normally make, but I hadn't been stealing much so I went for it. BTN and SB call.

Flop: J33dd

Great board to cbet, so I do. Both call.

Turn: Ks

I bet again to get value from a J/FD's. I bet 7300 into a pot of 15k with 11k left behind. I wanted it to look like I was committing myself, so that I could for sure fold if I was raised. BTN folds and SB jams all in. Honest villain.

I'm tanking and my original plan of folding to a raise is now substituted by the thought of calling. I look down at my 11k stack -- a peanut compared to what I started the hand with -- and just click call. No logic behind it, and I was like 90% sure he had KJ. Sure enough, KJ.

Normally I pride myself on making good disciplined folds, but tonight I peeled one I know I shouldn't have. This left me with 3.5k chips, (4bbs).

I then managed to get AQ and triple up, then won a flip KJ vs 99. Then won another flip TT vs AK. Zero to hero in about 5 hands.

Absolutely have to make that fold on the turn. Would've been left with 13bbs, more than enough to make a run with.
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Now here's a hand where I was VERY tempted to call a river shove, but laid it down last second just to stay alive in the tourney. Let me know what you guys think:


Hero is UTG+1 with ThTd with 40bb's.

UTG (60bb's) 23/19 aggressive player opens and hero flats.

Flop K67hhh

UTG checks to me, I check back. I thought it was a little suspicious he wouldn't bet here, though I suppose there are some Kx combos in my range.

Looking back I think I should have taken a bet/fold line.

Turn: 5h, so I have a T high flush. I check to disguise it as I think there's a chance he takes a shot at it on the river since he's so aggro.

River: 3h

Villain bets 3/4 pot. At this point I'm thinking it's him trying to get me off of a chop because I haven't shown any signs of having a heart. I put in a small raise. My hope was that he would call thinking I was trying to bluff him off a chop. Doesn't work. Villain jams. I have 22 bb's to call off for my tourney life. I found it hard to believe he had the Ah, but he definitely has AhAx and AhKx in his range that would be perfectly happy checking the flop to me.

At the same time, it's so apparent that I also don't have the nuts, that he might be re-bluffing. He may even do this with the Q of hearts since he might be so sure I don't have the nuts.

I thought forever and laid it down. I didn't want my tournament to end on that hand, but it kills me to know what he had.

What do you guys think?

as played river is a definite flat call

if this was bovada you'll be able to see what he had 24 hours after the fact by searching the hand

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regarding your happiness and its relationship to where you finish when you make a deep run or FT--if you allow this relationship to thrive, you will almost always be miserable. it's super unhealthy to tie your feelings to your results, but exponentially more so as a MTT player vs. a cash game player. no matter where you finish, it's gg and on to the next one. even if the finish is 1st.

what should upset you in a fundamental way is if/when you make a mistake, and these instances should motivate you to improve, for all we can do as players in this format (and any, really) is make decisions that are as close to perfect as possible, and have fun as we see what unfolds.

Yeah I definitely wish I had just made a flat call on the river. I got fancy play syndrome there. It was on WPN btw.

And yeah good point about tying happiness to results. I've gotta find a way to be content with just making the best plays I can and just letting things fall as they will.

August 8th Recap

Made 3 more FT's.. finished 3rd in the Vada 44$ 4k for $600, 9th in the WPN $109 10k for $280, and 3rd in the WPN $30 4k for $680.

Finished +$1,310 and a $215 ticket on the day. Really happy with how I played. There wasn't any hand where I felt I made a bonehead mistake.

Tomorrow is a huge day of mtt's.

The $215 ticket is for the Sunday Special 115k GTD on WPN, and then I have tickets to the Bovada Mini Main and 200k. Probably won't be playing the main event unless they are running a big satellite to it tomorrow.

So got some big boys to take a shot at.

In regards to the disappointment I normally feel, I don't have that today. I think I'm just getting used to the variance of MTT's and am starting to realize how ridiculously well you have to run to win 1st. I also didn't really take any brutal beats to get eliminated, so maybe that helps.

Gonna rest up for tomorrow.. night!

August 9th Recap

-$420 today

Bricked all the big ones. Only made 1 deep run.

Pretty standard day overall. Took some tough beats, but nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm starting to be OK with losing 400-500 in a day. That was definitely affecting me a week-2 weeks ago.

Gonna run another full schedule tomorrow. Wanna grind hard before I take my mini vacation on Saturday to go visit the family back in WI for Mom's 50th.

Night!

August 10th Recap

-$300

Had some chances, just couldn't run well enough. Made a small time FT and got 5th for $220.

Not being able to close a FT is starting to frustrate me. I really ****ing hate losing.

Is it actually possible to totally detach from results? I have a hard time believing it. Is Kobe happy when he's out there putting everything he has into the game and then not making it to the playoffs? Doubt it.

After this year's NBA Finals, was Lebron going around high-fiving his teammates saying, "well guys at least we gave it our all." No. He said in an interview he has nightmares about losing in the finals, and that it was very painful.

Is Tiger Woods satisfied with his current game? Do you think he's not concerned about his results?

I figure as long as I don't smash my keyboard and let my frustration affect my play, I'm doing just fine.

I too am on a similiar quest on the American sites, GL!

Thanks man.. good luck to you, too!

BTW, if I don't go to the ****ing gym tomorrow I will Paypal a random person in this thread $100. I will use a random # generator for the # of posts in this thread until I stop on one that isn't my post.

Been a lazy POS lately. Never had a problem with fitness motivation until recently. HAVE to get back on it.

Ok just got back from gym. Problem is my endurance sucks.. I'm getting quite nauseous after a few sets of squats/pullups, which means my cardio is ****.

Gonna start going for a morning run.

Bout to fire up MTT's.. GL everyone!

GL sir.

^^ TY TY

Lost another $500 today. Obviously not happy with the past few days. Quite pissed off actually.

The variance of MTT's is very soul-crushing, but the allure of the big score is enough to keep me wanting more.

Gonna put my soul through the crusher again tomorrow.

Night!

status? it's been a while

Had a 2 week vacation.. got back on the grind today

-$300. Two unfortunate top 18 finishes.

Did a great job of not tilting or getting even remotely frustrated. A week ago I said I'd make a conscious effort to stop complaining, in any aspect of life. I'm getting much better, and it's carrying over to poker.

Gotta ship a big and life will be good