Nobody would ever care to read this.
But I'm going to write anyway... It's my goal in life and I'm going to achieve it.

I played my first few hands of poker on my 17:th birthday and won the home-game tournament we were playing. Just luck. But I started to think about the game.. "it must be so much strategy involved in this..!" This was the start of my poker journey.

The very next day I googled poker and a whole new world opened in front of me. I downloaded and red some poker books and since I wasn't yet allowed to legally play, I spent my time watching every single episode of poker on the pokerstars.tv and other places. I found 2+2 pokercast when I was close to 18 and haven't missed a single episode ever since. There was a time when I constantly thought about poker - even dreamt poker dreams ;o I really wanted to be a poker player and not just someone who casually plays poker.

When I turned 18 I started to play a bit on the internet. Finished 4:th in a $2.20 tournament, but lost most of it back due to not being able to control my tilt. I just kept complaining about how bad the players were. I thought I could only beat the "good ones". Then a friend took me to a local poker club. I busted the small tournament we played and decided the cash-game was too big for my bankroll at the time. $1-$2. So the next day I made a research about body-language. Found Mike Caro and his book of Poker Tells, Joe Navarro on youtube etc. etc.. Really went in to the psychology part of poker.

Then I had a good year between 18 and 19. Won a lot at the cash games at the local poker club. Wasn't yet allowed to play at the casinos. Age limit 20.

After I turned 19, a couple of "friends" (who I barely knew) I met at the poker club asked if I wanted to go to the UKIPT Dublin. Of course!!! :D It had been my dream for a very long time to play in a BIG live event!! :D So.... we went there... :) I cashed in the Main Event. But one of them was a real sick gambler... so we went to the casino... first time at the casino for me... lol... I kept complaining about them having negative EV at all those crap games and how they would loose in the long run... But then ofc they talked me into playing. And I won. And won some more. And more. And wanted to go back to the hotel. But they wanted to stay. So I stayed as well and played more. Won more. Then BOOOM managed to loose it all. Was so tilted. First thing I did was to empty my bank accout. Blow my whole bankroll in a couple of hours. Called mom crying.

Tried to stay away from poker for a while when we were back in Sweden. Started to read some economy books because I had just started studying International Economics. But I couldn't stop relating everything I red to poker. First book: "Thinking Like An Economist" was pure poker strategy! One chapter dealing with +EV -EV, then there was a lot about coinflips and profitable situations, the long run... the butterfly effect... Now I realized how much I had learned just by studying poker. Not mentioning all the body-language reading skills. Sometimes it can be a bit scary to know how people feel just by looking at them. And I learned english very well as well because most poker-related things are in english. I am always thinking one step ahead now - if I do this it will most likely turn out like this etc.

Listened to the "Poker Mindset" audiobook. Realized that most of my losses and most of my tilt were due to my big ego. So I adjusted. Just like poker players should do. Slowly built a bankroll again. Went to UKIPT Dublin again. Made the final table in the $300NL Hold'em side-event on my 20:th birthday. :') Then we went to the casino again. I only played poker. Nothing else. Never.

Now I finally have found my A-game. All the pieces makes sense. I don't tilt anymore, I am able to fold strong hands when I know I'm beat, I can easily adjust to different players, I am really good at hand reading, finally truly understand pot odds, implied odds, hand ranges etc. I feel like I finally could be this good "poker player" I have always dreamt about. Of course I still have a lot to learn. We all do. But I really want to give poker a serious try. I really want to see where it leads. I know it's a very hard thing to do... I mean dealing with the swings.. sitting in front of the computer screen long hours 100% focused. But I know I can do it. At least I really want to give it a try.



But now I have this huge problem... I have no friends or family to talk to... :( If I ever mention poker to anyone.... well.... I think you might guess how the conversation ends... :/ I know a lot more about poker than my poker friends do. So I can't have serious discussions with them either. These conversations usually ends by them telling their bad-beat stories... -.- Mom and my stepdad think I am a sick addicted gambler. They are trying to do everything they can to stop me from playing. My stepdad even offered me $1500 for not playing for a month. He doesn't think I can make it. 13 days have passed now without me playing a single hand of poker. Easy money. :) I have really tried to explain the game for them: "Poker is like the stock market. It goes up and down. The value of the money doesn't count like that. Loosing $500 isn't a loss and winning $500 isn't a win. As long as you are winning in the LONG RUN you are doing good." "Yeah, there's a huge luck-factor. But everyone have the same "luck" in the long run. The cards are the same in the long run. It's how you choose to play them. That's the skill and that's how you make the money." I have kept very accurate statistics on all my sessions so it's easy to see the total results. But they just DONT GET IT!!! ;@ They want me to be a "normal girl". Associate with people at my age. They want me to be studying like 8 hours a day. To have a "normal job" in the future. Mom actually seems to get poker to some degree, but she still doesn't want me to play. She keeps saying I can do whatever I want when I have this "normal job" and a family and everything.. then she tells me I can go on and play poker as much as I want. LOL - it's exactly these people who are the LOOSERS in the game. "These rich business men... mmmm.... fresh fish...!" LOL. :)

I just feel so damn lonely... No one to talk to..... Nobody understands how I feel... :/ If I start playing online now mom would probably kick me out.... (I play sometimes when I'm home alone, but I can never play a tournament or multitable a longer cash game session)... and if she does that I would need to get my own place and use my bankroll to pay bills and stuff, so I would have much more pressure when playing and then it will probably not be very succesful..

I just have no clue what to do. I really want to finish school.. It's good to have a masters degree even if I can't see any future in me working with some boring economic stuff.. I really really think I will be capable of making a living playing poker. So.. when someone asks me what I'll do after finishing school, I just mumble something about looking for a job or something, when I really am thinking about playing poker. I guess I'll just have to play secretly, without telling anyone...... and then eventually let the money talk.

I have read your whole story, yes I have. And first thing I noticed was the education, i'm studying the exact same. As for the rest I feel sorry for you and hope things turn around, and maybe an idea to play online is doing it in the library? It's pretty much what I do on a daily basis not because I cant play at home but just because its so quite there.

But yeah, finish school! and play poker on the side. As for the rest, goodluck. Ooh yea 1 thing, wasnt exactly sure what your goal is:P

Goal is to play poker seriously. Good idea about the library, but would be pretty hard to grind the sunday tournaments... And most bigger tournaments are in the evening.. :P Thank you for reading and replying. 2+2 is not so bad after all :')

Just read the whole thing and damn... I see that you are really passionate about poker, it sucks so bad that your parents are so against it. I mean my parents were kinda similar but they never interfered with me actually playing (lucky for me). It's really cool how you gave a big insight of your background towards poker, not that common on PC&G threads.

My personal advice would be to really just to sit down and measure all your options, pro and cons of it all and taking primarily your happiness/satisfaction into account, of course it's good to have in consideration your parents and other peoples thoughts but don't let that take over you, if poker is what you want then it's completely within your right to go for it.

Anyway, this makes an interesting pg&c thread, knowing that your main goal seems to actually be ABLE to play poker comfortably with no restrictions.
Btw what kind of format do you play/want to play the most? (Just so we know :b)

Sub'd and GL with it all! Keep updating!

Mostly going to grind MTT's I think. Thank you for reading and thanks for your advice.

I have already measured most of my options, but it's a bit hard to make the decision to focus on poker when nobody is supporting me. It sucks doing something I really enjoy and not being able to share it with anyone. But I guess it's just another part of poker.... I would just have to adjust to this as well....

tl;dr

No seriously GL

I hope my life's plan helps you:

I don't know if in your country is the same but here in Brazil you don't work to much as government employee (my friend's father work from 9a.m to 16p.m), so I'm planning get one of these jobs as "hobby" and play poker and the rest of free time

gl OP

Thanks! Great mindset having a job as your hobby and being a full time poker player on the free time. But it will be a hard thing to do if you really want to take poker seriously. Working all day, grinding all night, sleeping...... never....? :P And what about traveling to live events?

I actually have my own business company, which is a much better solution. Then at least I have a small income each month and can have my own working schedule. I'm just in a tough spot in life I guess.... trying to be successful at everything I do and doing to many things at the same time... And when friends and family hate when I mention poker, it really sucks being me. So that's why I have considered dropping out of school, getting my own place etc. but I guess it all just comes down to me feeling like an outcast just because I happened to get into poker so much...

It is really helpful knowing the 2+2 community is here if I need some support. It feels so nice finally being understood. Finally being able to say I want to give poker a serious try and not being looked at as an addicted gambling idiot. I'll keep updating how things turn out.

Definitely wouldn't suggest dropping out of school whilst you're starting out. Gotta have something to fall back on should it not work out for any reason! Interesting OP, best of luck to you!

subbed
feel like im in the same position, i have no idea what i want to do but all i know is that i just want to get good at poker

The day you give up on your dreams is the day you give up on yourself. Listen to your folks and accept their opinion, but at the end of the day, you are the only one who truly knows whats best for you.

And you are not alone with that lonely feeling, that everyone thinks your a failure just becuse you dont want live a mediocre life with a boring job and a dip**** boss. The thing that separates you from the dreamers is your work ethics. And you seem to have that. There is no shame in trying, **** the haters.


I am currently working on boosting my BR, i have around 5.7k profit in MTTs, but i didnt have a job then so i had to cash out... Now i managed to build my bankroll from 18 to 155 dollars.... Get rich or die trying right?

Best of luck
(I have no idea if i made any ****ing sense, but it breaks my heart when people doesnt get any support)

Btw, have you been to Casino Cosmopol in stockholm? Im turning 20 soon so probably going to loose some mony over the next months before i figure live poker out !