Originally Posted by Killingbird
stumbled upon this thread and just want to say GLGL!
Thanks a lot! Such a supportive atmosphere here, it's great.
So Easter started and I'm on holiday. I actually went to work yesterday, was nice to see some people after two days at home. However, it didn't affect my fever the best way and I'm a little ill again. But it's ok, now I'm going to rest for a few days and grind a little. It's a little hard to concentrate for a long period and today's morning session wasn't very good. I'll play another one in the evening and hopefully I can keep my focus.
I'm having coffee right now and thought about writing something about my real life stuff and what my future looks like. It's probably pretty boring and as you can tell I'm not native so I don't know how awful my English is. Hopefully this is readable at least on some level.
Tuesday was the last day to apply for universities and colleges over here. I couldn't decide anything wise and I really don't know what I'd like to do so I passed the whole thing. Right now it feels like a good move and I'm happy about it and hopefully it turns out to be the right decision.
The biggest reason for me to not to go to an university yet is not money (education is free here), not inability to get anywhere but my self-esteem. I don't feel comfortable in big groups and I have trust issues. When I get to know people I think I'm fairly good company and people like me but before that there's just huge barriers between me and others. In small groups you have to interact with others and most importantly they have to interact with you, which helps to start trusting people as I see what they are really thinking about.
This all self-awareness stuff comes from the past 10 years. When I was about eleven or so, they found out that I'm carrying one auto-immunic disease (wow, disease sounds so negative, not sure if it's the right word
). I never really had felt any pain, but they spotted that my chin was weirdly small. As later was found out, my chin joints were completely corrupted. Obviously I got some medication, and as a result from that my cheeks just puffed up. Funny being a teenager and looking more like a baby.
It's better now. Not normal, nowhere near that but not that bad either. I'm not sure if I've just thought about these things too much and the problem is more in my head than in my actual looks, probably both. I remember that before this diagnosis I was pretty happy and didn't care about my looks at all. Or I didn't know about then. But the last five years or so I don't think a day has passed without me checking my side-profile with an extra mirror. Sounds stupid yeh.
I think this has also caused that I'm pretty good doing work alone. And I'm motivated. If there's something I want to do, and I can do it without other people hovering around, I will do it. This is because I don't have to think about what other's think. Poker is easy this way. You play yourself and only for yourself.
Not sure why I'm writing this here. Anyways, my future looks fine for me right now. I can keep one year break from school, I have supporting parents letting me do this thing and I might also get some work. I'm confident I'm going to university one day, maybe after my chin surgery or before that, who knows. I'm fairly talented in all school subjects and I think I can get in anywhere I want in our country. But first I'm going to finally do those things I enjoy, and right now that's poker and feeling free. Maybe I can join some live tournament here in Europe this year if online grinding goes well. Travelling is awesome
Some poker later in the evening, gl all the Easter grinders if there's any