Hi I have actually contemplated a few weeks now about whether or not to do a PG&C thread or not. Recently though I have had a downswing and I have not coped with it very well so I thought now is the time to go ahead and get this thread posted.

A brief introduction about myself

I'm 30 years old and play poker for a living. It's a really cool job to have but also a very stressful and lonely job too. Would I recommend it to other people to try? Probably not.

For the last year and a half 90% of my play has been at full ring and I have tried several times to make the transition to 6max because it's so tough to find high stakes full ring games these days. This is where most of my mental problems have came from.

I play a very solid low variance style at full ring and grind out a decent winrate there but when I play 6max the swings are just crazy in comparison. Half an hour into a session you can be down 8+ buyins and that's "totally standard" apparently.

I'm sure it is but I don't react well and find myself either spewing a bit or going in the huff with the game and stop playing for days/weeks at a time which is really pathetic for someone who claims to be a professional poker player. As I type I have not played poker in over a week and have made excuse after excuse to try and avoid loading the tables up because I'm on a $5k downswing and have no motivation to play.

I have loaded HEM up to try and do some hand history reviews but I find myself automatically going to the pots where I have ran bad and start feeling crap again and quitting that after 5mins.

Here are some graphs and stuff.





You might look at these and think to yourself wtf is he moaning about? But this is 300k hands since October 2011 when I started my new database. I look at some of the other grinders playing the same games as me and they play 100k hands a month and have the big winning 10k and 15k months that I can only dream of this now.

I could put in the same volume if I could just get over my mental blocks so in short, this **** needs sorted if I'm to have a future in the game.

So what are my goals?

I have downloaded Jared Tendlers ebook "The Mental Game of Poker" and I intend to listen to this when I am away on holiday for a couple of weeks on Monday. He is very well respected in the poker community and I should have utilised his material way before now so I'm hoping that this helps.

I also have the deuces cracked series by Tommy Angelo to watch when I am away as that also comes recommended very highly.

I don't do any fitness exercise at the moment either and I understand that exercise helps you keep a clear mind so I play on starting to run once a day when I come back from my holiday.

I am also going to set myself volume targets when I get back and gradually increase them each month if I feel my mindset is getting better.

What do I hope to achieve with this thread?

Interesting question. I'm not really sure. I'm kind of hoping that it acts as a bit of motivation for me. I hate losing/failing and would hate to see the thread start out full of promise and goals and for me to fail. I guess this thread could be a driving force so to speak.

I also hope that other players who are also struggling with their mental game and find that it is holding them back take something useful from this thread and we can bounce ideas of each other.

I won't really use this thread for discussing poker hands but more so for posting the way I'm feeling after a bad beat or after a bad session or when I I tilt shut all my tables and even positive things like when I have a good session.

I'm going to try and type my feelings in the immediate aftermath of these events occurring so that I can see my raw feelings on paper and this will give me a more honest way of looking at them and finding a solution to them.

Conclusion

I hope that you don't see this thread as me just moaning about bad beats. It's not my intention to do that and my backer and friends will sigh and tell you that they take most of my run bad moaning on skype. Identify and fix is the aim of the game here.

If you guys have any similar stories you would like to share then please do so and we can work together at getting our heads in the right place. I don't care if you are a 2nl grinder or a midstakes grinder your opinions and contributions are welcomed.

Thanks for reading.

Edit: Once the thread has got rolling (if it gets rolling) then I'm going to pm Jared Tendler and ask him if he can spare a few minutes to have a look and see if he can offer any advice as I think that would be kind of cool seeing as not everyone has the bankroll to pay for private sessions with him and he knows that so I have seen him post various bits and pieces before.

Seems like your definently going in the right direction! I've been there and what helped for me was to constantly stay connected to the logic in my thought process. Focus on the logic and not the results. GL!

Wow. Talk about looking in the mirror. I go through the exact same mental blocks OP. I look forward to this thread and hopefully I can contribute and get something out of it at the same time.

This month was going killer for me. I was destroying my limit for the first half of the month and I felt great. At exactly the middle of June I had a wedding to attend to. I got trashed, hungover the next day, tried to play but couldn't, fell into a bit of depression and basically stopped playing for a week.

I got my motivation back during the weekend and decided to get back on the grind starting Monday. Ofc, I drop 8 BIs in 4k hands and start getting into that fear zone. I start to wonder if I was ever a winning player and if I'll ever win again. Just pure damaging thoughts. I was having trouble folding when it was clear I was behind because "god damit! I surely can't lose with AA for the 5th time today?!?!?! Is it possible!" Yes, it is.

I took a step back. Loaded up my last 100k hands and ya know what? I'm a pretty decent winner over that sample. My last 10k hands are just a blip on the radar. This gave me the confidence to hit the tables again and get back into that A-game zone that I was in the first half of the month. Folding AA or KK to a turn c/r isn't infuriating anymore. It's just part of the game and folding in this spot is +EV and shouldn't make me angry.

Anyways, thanks for the inspiration. I'm going to start my own thread now because of this. GLGL the rest of the way.

^THIS!

I thought I was the only one suffering from this. It sounds like you raided my brain and lived my problem, only you play way higher than i do. Coincidentally I've also recently got Jared's book. I hope we get to the underlying problem and solve that so we can move on and play better.

Very interesting. I see a lot of parallels to my own mental issues with poker. I struggle to cope with putting in volume and the variance of the game also. I made approx $90k last year playing mainly 200nl... but after 6 weeks of rough variance at 200 this year i dropped back to 100nl (stupid) and am now struggling to get used to the variance at 200nl again (even more retarded). It's almost a perverse psychology but even after x years of playing the "money" side of poker still affects me, wish it didn't but it does... if i drop $1k, whether at 100/200/400 then i feel really pissed off. So Am interested to see how this thread progresses and whether i can pick up some tips from what you learn too

As for the 6max thing, I also made the move from fr to 6m (albeit having learned hu in-between). I think it's just a case of practice and not over adjusting too much, i spewed a ton when i first switched but like anything it just comes with practice and getting used to different ranges. stick with it and you'll be fine. Obviously (as you realise) coaching is an option. either way, subbed and gl!

This is probably the reason why i would never be able to go completely pro. Having a regular job and having poker as side income really helps with the mental side of things. I find it to be crippling when ur going through a 20 buyin DS and thats ur only income - this **** is no longer any ****in fun... i know i dont have the mentality to go through this over and over years in years out, i think you should ask urself the same questions..

Thanks for the feedback and it's good to know that other people can relate.

I'm sure we will figure it out over the coming weeks/months.

Edit: scammer?

No it was a misunderstanding due to somebody reporting me offering free coaching via pm.

You can read about it here:

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/55...anned-1216738/

good luck! looking forward to this thread

Cool so I have came back from my holiday refreshed and played a few short sessions while trying to work up to some reasonable volume again.

Today however has been ridiculously frustrating and I have just snap quit a session.

It started off this morning with a fish limp calling 5x pre with 45o and flopping two pair vs my KK and of course all the money going in. Then a few hands later he limp calls Q3o and flops QQ3 vs my AQ and of course all the money goes in again. I managed to keep calm for the most part and ended up finishing the session slightly in profit.

Onto the second session though and I am starting to build a stack on one table until this hand:


$2/$4 No Limit Hold'em Cash, 9 Players
Poker Tools Powered By Holdem Manager - The Ultimate Poker Software Suite.

MP3: $669.95 (167.5 bb)
Hero (CO): $744 (186 bb)
BTN: $433.20 (108.3 bb)
SB: $222.47 (55.6 bb)
BB: $200 (50 bb)
UTG+1: $569.98 (142.5 bb)
UTG+2: $400 (100 bb)
MP1: $400 (100 bb)
MP2: $411.35 (102.8 bb)

Preflop: Hero is CO with 7 5
3 folds, MP2 raises to $12, MP3 folds, Hero calls $12, BTN folds, SB calls $10, BB folds

Flop: ($40) A 6 9 (3 players)
SB checks, MP2 checks, Hero checks

Turn: ($40) 8 (3 players)
SB bets $20, MP2 raises to $50, Hero calls $50, SB calls $30

River: ($190) A (3 players)
SB checks, MP2 bets $95, Hero calls $95, SB folds

Results: $380 pot ($4 rake)
Final Board: A 6 9 8 A
Hero showed 7 5 and lost (-$157 net)
SB mucked and lost (-$62 net)
MP2 showed 8 8 and won $376 ($219 net)

This hand infuriated me. I knew that I was behind before I clicked call on the river but couldn't find the fold button. I was of the opinion that I was entitled to his stack and why does the board always pair, how bad do I run etc etc.. was going through my mind. When will I run normal again I was posting in skype.

So I was officially tilted which of course is totally irrational. I lost 40bbs it's not the end of the world but it's what I would have won that was pissing me off. I knew if the board doesn't pair I win it all so in my mind I'm thinking I lost a 200+bb pot. But that's not how poker works. We can't just stop the river card coming and rake the pot.

Fast forward a few hands and I have position on another idiot and this happens:


$1/$2 No Limit Hold'em Cash, 3 Players
Poker Tools Powered By Holdem Manager - The Ultimate Poker Software Suite.

BTN: $195.15 (97.6 bb)
Hero (SB): $201 (100.5 bb)
BB: $237.90 (119 bb)

Preflop: Hero is SB with 6 6
BTN raises to $6, Hero calls $5, BB folds

Flop: ($14) 3 K 6 (2 players)
Hero checks, BTN bets $7, Hero raises to $21, BTN calls $14

Turn: ($56) A (2 players)
Hero bets $46, BTN calls $46

River: ($148) 8 (2 players)
Hero bets $128 and is all-in, BTN calls $122.15 and is all-in

Results: $392.30 pot ($2.00 rake)
Final Board: 3 K 6 A 8
BTN showed 4 K and won $390.30 ($195.15 net)
Hero showed 6 6 and won $0.00 (-$195.15 net)



This was the final straw for me and I rage quit all the tables before the blinds had even came back round to me.

Looking at my HEM I have had swings of over $1k today and I have finished the day $10 down. I feel I played great for the most part and that should make me happy and I should be taking positives from that but instead I'm sitting here at my desk pissed off because I should be up quite a bit and unstuck from my current staking deal.

I do feel that I have made a little bit of progress since listening to Jareds book. In the past I could have tilted in the first session and not bothered even playing a second session but I have realised today that I have an awfully long way to go with regards to my mental game.

Going to go a walk now to try and clear my head. I played just under 1k hands today so it isn't terrible volume and I have a coaching session with a student tonight so that will hopefully shift my focus from my game to his game.

Not a regular player at these stakes, but in Hand #1 couldn't something be said for 3betting the turn?

Sure but the sb was a whale so I opted to flat to keep him in the pot. I was 99% certain that MP had a set that I would get paid off from anyway.

Explains it i guess )