Yes, that's essentially what I meant. There's another factor that is similar. I have been debating writing a huge article on it but, well, there's a lot I've been 'thinking' of doing.

ICMizer doesn't calculate timeEV.

Say you are playing the Big 109. You have 100k chips. An hour later break comes again and you have 100k chips. But at this later time people have busted and your stack is worth more dollars. So, by gaining 0 chips, you gained equity. Where did the equity come from?

ICM teaches a bit about this. It's especially apparent at final tables. Two other people get all in and one is eliminated. The resulting value of the new chip stack is less than that chip stack separated between the two players. Where did that value go? It went to other players who weren't involved. That's why ICM is such an important concept at final tables.

But that effect still exists even if there are 100 people left in a tournament. Two guys get all in on another table and destroy some equity between themselves. That equity disperses to everyone else in the tournament. This effect is due to the nature of tournaments and how they pay out. It's the equity other players give you. timeEV.

Day 45 - Morning

Well, haven't been as consistent with writing as I wanted. It's kinda the nature of chaotic life. I wanted to write a small bit on that.

I often times find myself in a chaotic spinning. I know I'm not the only person that experiences this. It's just sort of the brain searching for stimulation and trying to deal with stress. It's not a good state to be in for poker.

I'm not really sure where to go with explaining this, but I'm slowing myself down. I've gotten back into meditation practice and importantly I've taken steps to remove chaotic... triggers? from my life. A bit one is internet use. It's such an easy way to fuel the brain's desire for stimulation, but it's so unhealthy. Browsing the internet is feeding the addiction with no positivity. I'm also reading more. I have my friend Daryl sending me real book(s?) so I can step away and relax into something other than poker when I want to do something productive and interesting.

Not going to spend time formatting or editing, I just wanted to put something down and post it. Small steps.

Day 221 - Early Morning

I haven't written here much lately, but I have a lot on my mind. I've actually been extremely busy with poker since I last posted, and I feel like my game is as good as it's been in awhile.

Posting here is very cathartic for me and I'm going to be using it for that. There's a lot to catch up on, but lets just take one step forward and get restarted.

Day 223 - Early Morning

Is it any surprise that the session I played after my last post I won the Big 22? I don't feel like that's coincidence. The first time I feel the inspiration to post here in months I follow it up with a massive crusher session. It's not even the first time that's happened.

Personal mental state and confidence has more of a roll on our lives than we even imagine.

I'm reading my journal I brought with me to Cabo in 2012. The first page I wrote:

I remember that time, but it's almost impossible to understand how I felt then. I was making one last attempt - in 2012. Yet, somehow here we still are in 2016, slaving away. I've survived, but life today isn't better than it was in 2011 or 2012. It's almost certainly worse as I've spent so much time with poker I've let my own life wither away.

I'm flying home today to see family and consider the future. There's so much more I want to do in this life than play poker and I'm not sure that Mexico is the place I should be.