I'm starting this to motivate myself to grind more, monitor 'progress' (more on this later) and hopefully have fun someday reading what I've been through. Been playing online poker for years. At one moment I was even a pro, playing nl100 back in the days. My life curse was that I've always needed poker money to supplement the budget (and I'm thankful for that part). But the drawback was that I've never been able to build a healthy bankroll. Always playing on the edge (of BR), always racing with time. In the begging of the last year after yet another 'major withdrawal' (read: devastating BR yet again) I found a smallish fishy room and started afresh. My initial test 100eur slowly became thousands. I've been withdrawing a lot, but also winning like a boss. (Not Enet but similar; don't ask; you need to know some people in person and deposit/cashout goes hand-to-hand, so don't bother PMing)
2012 I started with 1.5k-ish roll and nl50. It was going okay when ... somewhere on March/April ... **** hit the fan and little did I realize that the worst epic-est cooler of my life was about to begin. And I'm not a noob by any means, played for 6+ years and about 1.5mil hands as a rough estimate. Anyways, this bad run is lasting like 80K hands so far and even though I know that some people have been through this it's hard to accept that you are actually the one of them. Guess I've been playing long enough to eventually see the ugliest of many faces of teh variance. And the moment couldn't be worse, my job is on thin legs and on August I'm about to become a father for the second time (and WILL need lots of money). I'll spare you the bad beat HHs, just imagine getting 2,3,4-outered several times a day over and over again, for months now, where if you win - you win a small pot; if you lose - you lose 200+bb pots. Unfortunately I can't post any graphs cause the room is not supported by trackers and I first would die just to see the EV line.
To make things even more complicated, after my bad run I dropped to nl20 and **** continued. A month or so ago a good I was sitting with a good friend of mine who knows how I play and have trust in me. He proposed to stake me for nl100. And it wasn't even conventional stake, cause I know that his whole idea was to help and that he'll refuse to share any profit. For the record the 'regs' (tons of donks and lots of fish) who play nl100 also play nl50 and sometimes nl20/nl10 donks take a shot if there are not enough tables or when they feel/don't feel like gambling. He knows very well that I've already played with most of them, have notes etc and that during whole 2011 I've already proved I can beat the games consistently. And he even told that he feels really bad that I'm wasting my time at nl20 and on several occasions asked me "how much do you need for nl100?". Every time I would refuse, not wanting to get into debt even though he's in the affiliate business and that 3K is not something he'd die after ... but still.
The next day there was a message on my phone "you've got 3k transferred. have fun
" So I started hoping that for once my good hands will start holding up. I wasn't asking to win flips, just to start as a (on average 70+%) favorite and end as favorite. But no, didn't happen. Sinking continued, my old 500ish roll was busted and a 1K from stake. I dropped to nl50 and this is where I'm now.
BR: 1945e from 3500 started so -> BR: -1555e
Goal 1: get back in black
Goal 2: make 3K on top of that so I can continue on my own