Cliff's:

I'm a rec (and also a wreck).
I online poker.
I like writing and have some vague ambition of writing a book (about mountains in Scotland, not poker)...hence the motivation for a blog about my other hobby.
Laughter is the only thing that separates us from the beasts, and poker is endlessly funny....hence the motivation for a blog that is not full of graphs, strat and ego (plus it's nice to be different)

Most posters on here won't be interested in the (hopefully humorous) ramblings of an old fat guy, so I guess I'll broadcasting to myself for a while. Maybe that'll change as time goes by.

I play 5nlz in the gym on my Android & currently 25nlz on the PC. All on Stars. When I get the occasional night to myself (I'm married and the trouble and strife is very demanding of my time) I'll play some MTT about the $20 buy in level.

If I ever bink one I'll be making a right t@@t of myself on here.

Let the banter commence.

So when I go all smartphone (on my Pixel, because Apple is a ***** ing cult, not a company), I'm playing blind pretty much (no notes, no reads, no hud, no FA) plus I only have limited control over bet sizing...why?



Which is all kinda cool, because as us military types say...

train hard, fight easy.

Beating 5nlz with those limitations is no vlodnic picnic...plus it makes those boring bike sessions fly by.

A 5 nlz hand from today (5nlz no HH... 25nlz HH will be posted properly)

Hero has 55 on btn

Co raises 3X hero calls, SB 3bets, CO calls, Hero calls (in case you don't got it yet - zero reads)

Flop

AAK rainbow

Hero starts to consider bluffing strategy

flop is checked round, yeah right SB...

turn is 5

Hero is....confused.

check, check, Hero is less confused and bets half pot...call, call.

Hero is confused again.

River Q

check, check

Hero looks under bed, sees sp monster and checks.

Villains show down exactly what they bet and Mr No Balls is glad he is a rec.

Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BTN: $25.00 - VPIP: 11, PFR: 11, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 9
SB: $44.89 - VPIP: 45, PFR: 45, 3B: 0, AF: 1.0, Hands: 11
[b]Hero (BB): $25.00
UTG: $50.94 - VPIP: 67, PFR: 33, 3B: 100, AF: 2.0, Hands: 6
MP: $25.00 - VPIP: 26, PFR: 11, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 19
CO: $28.73 - VPIP: 50, PFR: 17, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 6

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is BB with A J
UTG calls $0.25, 4 folds, Hero raises to $1.05, UTG calls $0.80

Flop: ($2.20) 6 4 8 (2 players)
Hero bets $1.11, UTG raises to $49.89, Hero calls $22.84 all in

Turn: ($50.10) Q (2 players - 1 is all in)

River: ($50.10) 7 (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $50.10
Hero shows A J
UTG shows T K
Hero wins $48.10
(Rake: $2.00)

25nlz @ 0700 GMT = Total Fish Fest. I Stars

Do you play zoom or regular tables?

Zoom. I used to hate Zoom. Then the Dark Side found me.

Nice gif thing...I want one but have not worked out how to get one yet. I tried searching the forum, but the only sticky i found didn't work for me #sadface

I had to resort to google to learn what a vlodnic picnic is. This thread was the only result. You've beaten the googlewhacking game!
Achievement unlocked, close thread imo.

sp 0/10 my bad. Another Fatboy Fail


http://www.quodb.com/search/hearing%...al%2C%20either

In court today...witness to the case against the **** who wrecked my back fence. Waste of time...was not required...so spent 4 hours in a tiny witness room playing 5nlz on the phone (with a weak signal).

Two hands, one funny, one strat (yawn)

No reads remember

Hero Btn KK

SB 3bet & Called my 4bet

flop 743 rainbow SB x/r my cbet and called my jam.

SB shows 43s.

That's some ballsy play at 5nl...pity about the K turn.

Hero opens T8s (spades) MP (that's not even the bottom of my range)

btn calls

Flop AT8 two hearts

Hero cbets close to pot. Btn raises (a fishy over-sized raise)

Hero mutters.....?

Hero jams

Villain snap calls.......?

Only posted this because of some spraff I posted today in BQ and this hand is soooo typical

Stack a fish...



Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

Hero (BTN): $25.00 - VPIP: 24, PFR: 18, 3B: 6, AF: 2.5, Hands: 316904
SB: $35.47 - VPIP: 17, PFR: 8, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 12
BB: $60.96 - VPIP: 50, PFR: 25, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 4
UTG: $31.40 - VPIP: 31, PFR: 23, 3B: 2, AF: 1.4, Hands: 137
MP: $27.01 - VPIP: 17, PFR: 15, 3B: 2, AF: 2.7, Hands: 130
CO: $25.80 - VPIP: 40, PFR: 20, 3B: 0, AF: 0.3, Hands: 5

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is BTN with 5 7
2 folds, CO raises to $0.75, Hero raises to $2.25, 2 folds, CO calls $1.50

Flop: ($4.85) T 4 3 (2 players)
CO checks, Hero bets $2.45, CO calls $2.45

Turn: ($9.75) 6 (2 players)
CO checks, Hero bets $4.93, CO calls $4.93

River: ($19.61) K (2 players)
CO checks, Hero bets $15.37, CO calls $15.37

Final Pot: $50.35
Hero shows 5 7
CO shows 5 5
Hero wins $48.35
(Rake: $2.00)

stack another one...

Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BTN: $10.36 - VPIP: 33, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 3
SB: $24.18 - VPIP: 26, PFR: 16, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 19
BB: $25.00 - VPIP: 33, PFR: 28, 3B: 14, AF: 0.0, Hands: 18
Hero (UTG): $56.45 - VPIP: 24, PFR: 18, 3B: 6, AF: 2.5, Hands: 316904
MP: $24.65 - VPIP: 22, PFR: 16, 3B: 0, AF: 2.0, Hands: 37
CO: $25.69 - VPIP: 41, PFR: 18, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 17

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is UTG with A J
Hero raises to $0.70, 1 fold, CO calls $0.70, BTN calls $0.70, 2 folds

Flop: ($2.45) 3 J 7 (3 players)
Hero bets $1.50, CO folds, BTN calls $1.50

Turn: ($5.45) A (2 players)
Hero bets $2.18, BTN calls $2.18

River: ($9.81) 4 (2 players)
Hero bets $52.07, BTN calls $5.98 all in

Final Pot: $21.77
Hero shows A J

wait...wait!





BTN shows 7 7
BTN wins $20.79
(Rake: $0.98)

Played a ton of readless 5nlz today...jeez those 3 bettors!

Card dry all the live long day, but did have one of those "wtf was that" moment

Hero in the BB with garbage.

Btn (80bb) limps in, sb completes, Hero checks.

Flop whatever. I have some backdoor stuff. check, check, btn min bets, call, call.

Turn gives me a gutshot, check, check, btn min bets, SB folds, hero calls.

River fills the straight (four to the straight on the board)

Hero pots....btn....jams

I have a look; I have second nuts, fkit call.

Moby Dick has two pair.

Later.

Fish do the weirdest sheet.....

Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

Hero (BTN): $32.89
SB: $68.07 - VPIP: 12, PFR: 4, 3B: 0, AF: 0.5, Hands: 26
BB: $12.98 - VPIP: 60, PFR: 20, 3B: 50, AF: 4.0, Hands: 5
UTG: $32.58 - VPIP: 24, PFR: 12, 3B: 17, AF: 0.5, Hands: 25
MP: $46.90 - VPIP: 28, PFR: 21, 3B: 19, AF: 0.0, Hands: 47
CO: $29.38 - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 1

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is BTN with K Q
3 folds, Hero raises to $0.54, 1 fold, BB raises to $0.83, Hero calls $0.29

Flop: ($1.76) 9 K 5 (2 players)
BB bets $1.68, Hero calls $1.68

Turn: ($5.12) 4 (2 players)
BB bets $2.50, Hero raises to $30.38, BB calls $7.97 all in

River: ($26.06) 9 (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $26.06
Hero shows K Q
BB shows J T
Hero wins $24.89
(Rake: $1.17)


.....

Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BTN: $41.60 - VPIP: 11, PFR: 11, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 9
SB: $21.85 - VPIP: 50, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 2
BB: $85.09 - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 3
UTG: $11.53 - VPIP: 44, PFR: 22, 3B: 0, AF: 1.0, Hands: 9
MP: $48.15 - VPIP: 9, PFR: 6, 3B: 0, AF: 2.0, Hands: 134
Hero (CO): $25.35

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is CO with K A
UTG raises to $0.50, 1 fold, Hero raises to $1.75, 1 fold, SB calls $1.65, 1 fold, UTG calls $1.25

Flop: ($5.50) 5 A J (3 players)
SB bets $5.25, UTG folds, Hero raises to $23.60, SB folds

The raison d'etre of this blog is take a light-hearted - some would say flippant - look at the freaky world of online poker. Not just some odd hands, but fundamentally the whole damn weird & wonderful sheet that happens pretty much everyday.

So with that in mind...true story (with pictures for the cynical f'kers amongst you)

Sunday

1530 Wife goes out to buy clothes for 8 day Italy Holiday tomorrow.
1531 Fatboy thinks..."wonder if I can get a hand to post B4 I have to pack".
1532 Open HM and Stars.
1532 Stack fish first hand.
1532 Close HM and Stars.
1533 Post Hand.

Have a nice week y'all.

Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BTN: $34.58 - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 8
SB: $13.12 - VPIP: 100, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 1
Hero (BB): $25.00
UTG: $21.93 - VPIP: 50, PFR: 50, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 2
MP: $27.96 - VPIP: 100, PFR: 100, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 1
CO: $44.46 - VPIP: 21, PFR: 18, 3B: 10, AF: 2.1, Hands: 185

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is BB with A A
1 fold, MP raises to $0.75, 2 folds, SB calls $0.65, Hero raises to $3, 1 fold, SB calls $2.25

Flop: ($6.75) 8 3 6 (2 players)
SB bets $1.00, Hero raises to $5.48, SB raises to $10.12, Hero calls $4.64

Turn: ($26.99) 6 (2 players)

River: ($26.99) T (2 players)

Final Pot: $26.99
SB shows Q Q
Hero shows A A
Hero wins $25.78
(Rake: $1.21)

Greetings Sportsfans,

Back from Italy…diet gone to hell in handbasket…great food out there (‘kin expensive tho!). Ton of gym time now required *sigh*

Played in the Sunday Storm yesterday. Card Dry. Cashed $21. Groundhog Day.

You see some wonderfully weird sheet in this recfest…would have preferred to post this properly but I’m getting strapped into the Remy Martin and I did nae mark the hand, now I can’t find it.

BB = Doing a lot of weird stuff, donking, and not 3betting great spots. (50 BB)

CO = fit and fold tightish rec. (30 BB)

CO raises, F, F, BB calls.

Flop A high dry

BB donks, CO tanks, calls.

Turn brick

BB check, CO tanks, bets half pot, BB snap min raises, CO tankety tank…jams.

BB snap calls…with K high. No draws, not even a gutter. K high.

How? What? Why?

In Venice, so naturally did a little light reading on the local history…this Casanova dude was some baller. Apparently but for tilt issues he could have made pro….

"I had neither prudence enough to leave off when fortune was adverse, nor sufficient control over myself when I had won."

Needed a mental game coach, didn’t he. I don’t think they had that sort of thing back then…old Freud didn’t come along for another hundred years.

Still at least he recognised his own limitations and stayed a rec. He’s my new role model.

Later.

hahaha

History repeats (#14)...told ya online poker is weird

FB54...to himself Maybe just a few hands see if I can get one to post...yeah i know it reg hours, but I'm running hot, so w/e

Fourth hand

Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

Hero (BTN): $25.00
SB: $25.00 - VPIP: 33, PFR: 33, 3B: 25, AF: 0.0, Hands: 12
BB: $32.10 - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 1
UTG: $35.42 - VPIP: 22, PFR: 16, 3B: 11, AF: 1.3, Hands: 149
MP: $55.30 - VPIP: 20, PFR: 20, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 5
CO: $13.38 - VPIP: 12, PFR: 7, 3B: 0, AF: 4.0, Hands: 41

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is BTN with 6 A
3 folds, Hero raises to $0.50, SB raises to $1.75, 1 fold, Hero calls $1.25

Flop: ($3.75) 6 6 5 (2 players)
SB bets $2.36, Hero calls $2.36

Turn: ($8.47) T (2 players)
SB bets $6.07, Hero calls $6.07

River: ($20.61) K (2 players)
SB bets $14.82, Hero calls $14.82

Final Pot: $50.25
Hero shows 6 A
SB shows 2 A
Hero wins $48.25
(Rake: $2.00)

log off and post hand. Time for gym

Pictures or it isn't true

Italy's great. I've only been to Rome so far though but I loved and intend to go back. Also love reading Roman history.

Along with poker and climbing Scottish mountains, reading Roman history is a passion of mine too. I've read all of Adrian Goldworthy's Roman books and I can bore for Britain on the subject now. Which is what I was doing in the Coliseum last Wednesday.

Rome and Venice are both 'ed now tho...wall to wall Chinese tourists taking selfies. The queue for the Vatican was three hours long at 10 am.

Prices have gone through the roof too. Pizza and a small beer Euro20 cheapest.

Goldworthy's books are excellent. Read 3 of them so far and have a 4th one to get through.

You planning on bagging all the munros?

Eventually maybe. I have 198 but it's getting really hard to find the time to do them and most of the ones I have left are waaayyy up north in bandit country.

Poker Stars No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t/t Blinds - 9 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

UTG+2: t109650 1 BBs - VPIP: 21, PFR: 16, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 19
MP1: t15956 1 BBs - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 40
MP2: t53207 1 BBs - VPIP: 20, PFR: 18, 3B: 0, AF: 1.0, Hands: 40
CO: t58306 1 BBs - VPIP: 29, PFR: 24, 3B: 17, AF: 0.0, Hands: 17
BTN: t43525 1 BBs - VPIP: 13, PFR: 10, 3B: 7, AF: 0.0, Hands: 40
Hero (SB): t21368 1 BBs - VPIP: 25, PFR: 19, 3B: 8, AF: 3.9, Hands: 66566
BB: t141625 1 BBs - VPIP: 17, PFR: 10, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 29
UTG: t53186 1 BBs - VPIP: 35, PFR: 23, 3B: 15, AF: 2.0, Hands: 40
UTG+1: t29581 1 BBs - VPIP: 13, PFR: 5, 3B: 7, AF: 0.0, Hands: 40

Pre Flop: (t0) Hero is SB with 5 5
5 folds, CO raises to t3600, 1 fold, Hero raises to t20243, 1 fold, CO calls t16643

Flop: (t40486) T J 8 (2 players)

Turn: (t40486) 6 (2 players)

River: (t40486) K (2 players)

Final Pot: t40486
CO shows J Q
Hero shows 5 5
CO wins t46111
(Rake: t-5625)

Min cash, out on a coin toss.

Same ****, different day.

Traveled way up north, where the men wear skirts, on family business. Good mate of mine loaned me his drum for the weekend. Arrived, ate a bucket of chicken thought I'd mellow out with Friday 25nlz fishfest and some Black Label...nope.

Watched my laptop trying to upgrade Windows for three hours instead.



On the plus side, watched a really cool prog on the Isle of Man TT. Think I gotta add that to my bucket list.

Anybody know if Pokerstars do visitor tours??

Back on Sunday, late reg into Sunday Storm, good cards, running nicely, sit through the 30 minute global PS site freeze, good banter.

back on yay!!

200 (ish) out of 400 ish, M=16, average stack good.

Poker Stars No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t/t Blinds - 9 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

MP1: t584561 1 BBs - VPIP: 10, PFR: 8, 3B: 4, AF: 0.0, Hands: 39
MP2: t364321 1 BBs - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 5
CO: t1117609 1 BBs - VPIP: 31, PFR: 18, 3B: 4, AF: 1.5, Hands: 39
BTN: t234946 1 BBs - VPIP: 11, PFR: 5, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 19
SB: t296944 1 BBs - VPIP: 4, PFR: 4, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 26
BB: t784525 1 BBs - VPIP: 47, PFR: 20, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 15
Hero (UTG): t836922 1 BBs -
UTG+1: t128810 1 BBs - VPIP: 6, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 16
UTG+2: t1447945 1 BBs - VPIP: 15, PFR: 15, 3B: 0, AF: 2.0, Hands: 39

Pre Flop: (t0) Hero is UTG with 5 5
Hero raises to t60000, UTG+1 calls t60000, 6 folds, BB calls t60000

Flop: (t180000) 9 5 7 (3 players)
BB checks, Hero bets t142080, UTG+1 calls t68810 all in, BB folds



Turn: (t317620) J (2 players - 1 is all in)

River: (t317620) A (2 players - 1 is all in)



Final Pot: t317620
Hero shows 5 5
UTG+1 shows Q K
UTG+1 wins t353620
(Rake: t-39000)

three hands later....

Poker Stars No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t/t Blinds - 9 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

UTG: t575561 1 BBs - VPIP: 10, PFR: 8, 3B: 4, AF: 0.0, Hands: 39
UTG+1: t355321 1 BBs - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 5
UTG+2: t1108609 1 BBs - VPIP: 31, PFR: 18, 3B: 4, AF: 1.5, Hands: 39
MP1: t225946 1 BBs - VPIP: 11, PFR: 5, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 19
MP2: t272944 1 BBs - VPIP: 4, PFR: 4, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 26
CO: t853435 1 BBs - VPIP: 47, PFR: 20, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 15
Hero (BTN): t576202 1 BBs -
SB: t389620 1 BBs - VPIP: 6, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 16
BB: t1438945 1 BBs - VPIP: 15, PFR: 15, 3B: 0, AF: 2.0, Hands: 39

Pre Flop: (t0) Hero is BTN with T A
5 folds, CO raises to t60000, Hero raises to t573202, 2 folds, CO calls t513202

Flop: (t1146404) K T 6 (2 players)

HAHAHA, serves you right fkn stupid call



Turn: (t1146404) 3 (2 players)

River: (t1146404) J (2 players)



Final Pot: t1146404
CO shows J A
Hero shows T A
CO wins t1218404
(Rake: t-72000)

I this game

Funny on a number of levels...

Because I spent all day studying up on 3bets pots
Because I accidentally left the chat on from the Sunday Storm on Sunday

I don't do chat on cash tables



Poker Stars $25.00 No Limit Hold'em - 6 players
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BTN: $25.00 - VPIP: 25, PFR: 25, 3B: 0, AF: 1.0, Hands: 4
Hero (SB): $29.74
BB: $36.80 - VPIP: 25, PFR: 10, 3B: 5, AF: 0.9, Hands: 48
UTG: $27.29 - VPIP: 18, PFR: 13, 3B: 0, AF: 1.3, Hands: 61
MP: $25.35 - VPIP: 14, PFR: 14, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 7
CO: $63.61 - VPIP: 0, PFR: 0, 3B: 0, AF: 0.0, Hands: 1

Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is SB with Q K
3 folds, BTN raises to $0.70, Hero raises to $2.75, 1 fold, BTN raises to $6.10, Hero calls $3.35

Flop: ($12.45) K 3 9 (2 players)
Hero checks, BTN bets $4.00, Hero raises to $23.64,

Villain starts ranting about lucktards...awesome, must have QQ then

BTN calls $14.90 all in

Turn: ($50.25) 8 (2 players - 1 is all in)

River: ($50.25) 3 (2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $50.25
BTN shows A A
Hero shows Q K
BTN wins $24.13
BTN wins $24.12
(Rake: $-2.74)

Hey k/head, it's traditional for you bloaters to rant & whinge when you get sucked out, not when you win stacks!

PS

Photobucket fkn sucks!