Hello everybody, after a bad run under very bad bankroll managmement I pretty much busted my roll. Went from 200€ deposit to NL400 and NL600 in two weeks, I think I could win there, but never managed to built my roll up to that. I'm very confident in my game, but always have to small roll or have something come in between where I have to withdraw.



BE with RB.

I'm making this to purely show to myself ofc I can stick to it now that I got the skill under my belt.

First goal is to grind up to 1000k€ and start playing NL50, which is my strongest game and I believe I can manage at least 10bb/100. From there on it's about building roll up to around 2.5k€ where I will shoot NL100. Depends on how I feel like, even though that is already very aggresive.

Pretty sure I'll do it this this time.

BY THE WAY, if anyone wants to stake me I'm up for it. We can arrange things over skype (what limits to play etc.. it would be even better for me, since I'd be under control), I'll give u my contact, history about poker etc.. I would really hope someone is up for it, I'm pretty straight forward and down to earth man.

Surely you have a bigger (winning) sample than this to be asked for a stake.

Probablly purged around 6-7 databases in last 2 years for 'fresh start' when the same kind of stuff happened = me firing a shoot higher than I should.

Want to do a quick update, started first few days quite okay. Then I started playing NL50 6-max and am just getting destroyed everytime I play, got so many bad runnouts and just standard preflop lines, 3bet pots where I lost it's ridiclious.

All in all it's okay, but this **** better stop soon. It's very hard to find motivation to grind for 8 hours right now, after having my BR quite crippled. Luckily there is still enough ******s that give me money for free..


All games:


Without NL50 6-max:


With NL50 6-max:


My last full database of NL50, it should turn around any time soon for ****s sake: (also played some hands bad, due to tilt, which I haven't experienced in long time.)


Having no luck at all, also lost spin n go for 100$ after my opponent was down to 0.3BB lol.

is that stars or?

No, can't play on stars in my country. Euro sites.

okey, in glgl

Beautiful mindset you have.

glgl

brm is for fish who cant stop getting stacked

Gonna do quick update to not **** things up. Was up to 1300€ w/ RB, but fell down to 1035€, so BR stands at: 1035€ (+835€ since thread).



I'm doing very bad on NL50 6-max, but crushing on FR. Partly it was because I was trying to put in a lot of volume and just grind my BR up as fast as I can, while not really thinking too much about spots.

When I reach around 1500€ BR, I'm going to play smart again. Right now was 9 tables of grinding through **** and not paying any attention really. I'm gonna try and reach 2500€ BR by the end of July.

I'm incredibly exhausted right now, maybe day off would be okay also. I put in a ton of volume in 8 days and it paid off, but it was just playing really dumb tbh and not thinking about anything or having any reads on my opponents.

Have to calm down and take it a lot more slow from here on, I did my job of grinding up from 200€, now I just have to take it easy on the volume and think a lot more.

To be honest I feel so exhausted I can't even find right words for proper update right now, because my mind is just tense and burned out, but I still know I could of played 50k hands in these 8 days if I weren't a complete little *****. However, I'm not even happy about the result, I'm just tired, I feel only being tired right now.

still around 200€ in profit after rakeback.

If you are going to read through this wall of text, please as I ask at the end of the text, give me some advice, because I'm not really sure what to do.

So we are back to square one. Of course I jump into the juiciest NL100 3-max games and get destroyed in every single hand by the most ******ed players imaginable. Can't even beat NL50 6-max for some reason, neither do I have motivation to figure out what my problem is, but it is definately a mental problem and not a skill problem. I did very well at FR, NL100 6-max and FR were nothing special, NL200 was just a ******ed shoot ofcourse, but NL100 3-max was terror. NL50 3-max on other hand was treating me pretty well. NL30 was full of bots colluding I believe, the games were much harder than most of the NL50 tables that were full of human regs.

I've been trying to figure out what my problem is (beside taking shoots with too smal BR) and I think it is mainly not having a mentor/coach in life. I don't even realize how burned out I'm and understand my feelings after grinding for 10 days+, friends even call me zombie in laughter and I get where they are coming from. However, I still can't just stop playing, because I feel I'm missing value. It's also extremely hard to play under zero motivation.

Poker after few days of grind isn't really fun to me anymore, it goes from fun strategy game, to ''I have to sit on my computer for another 8 hours and wait for right cards to come''. Especially when you don't play the most optional game and just play ABC, because you are too tired to think. I really need to join a study group for motivation/grind or just find someone that is willing to kind of look after me, pull me under his wing and ask me how I feel/what I'm doing behind the tables. I know I can beat NL100+ and I've done it numerous times when I was feeling hyped for poker, but after I burn out and variance hits, it's just gg for me. I do feel like I could crush/beat almost anyone when I'm focused/motivated enough to take notes and I did this numerous times to regs, that started to sit me out after a while, but the problem is I can't be focused forever and ever.

I was really thinking where to from here on, I've been playing poker for 4 years now, first 2,5 years were total degenerate years and the last 1,5 years were quite profitable, but I just don't find motivation anymore to start from the bottom and work my way up. That's why I made this thread, but instead of thinking when I had 1200€ BR - ''Maybe I should spread this money on 3-4 different sites now and grind on others when there is no action on main one'', I think about ''We can take a a shoot on NL100, because there is a huge fish on it''. Which is just ******ed.

I was thinking where to go from here on and what to do to clear myself up and kind of came up with this:

-> Clear up my drinking/smoking/hanging out on coffe with friends habit for 3 hours per day (holy ****ing **** is this sad). Start working out again and meditating/visualizing once per day.

-> Give it all until christmas (make at least 10k€) and go on from there, if I fail, I'm gonna throw in the towel and call it a day and just quit poker.

-> Live like a monk for next 6 months and just do what I have to do and live the most EV+ possible life imaginable, even though there will be almost zero socializing.

-> Find someone that will be willing to co-operate with me, sweat few sessions, point out I'm completely ****ing ******ed when I need to hear it and look after me like a father figure almost.

It's not that poker is hard really, I just don't know how to reset my mentality and not feel any regret about all the time I kind of spent on it, while still having problems with long run mentality. It's the basic, ''forget the past yada yada'', but I need to find something deeper than that.

If anyone read through this, I really want to hear some advice from you guys, I'd appreciate it a lot.

My take on it, from an "old man"...

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You will take the option that fulfils your needs the most.

You know what you would "like" to do but your basic needs are making you do things that you don't want to do or at least don't think you should do.

What your mind wants now is someone to make the poker option that little bit easier for you (human nature not a personal comment) and you think that when they do that for you you will find it easier to stay on track and get to your goals.

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There is no shortcut.

If there was then it would not be so fulfilling anyway.

If you want to be the best that you can be in life you need to take the hard route sometimes. Prove to yourself that you can do something.

Set some smaller goals that are still tough for you and smash through them.

Then get bigger and bigger and give yourself the chance to be something GREAT in life.

GREATNESS DOES NOT COME THE EASY ROUTE.

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I know it can be tough my friend, you saw my thread. But hell I am learning some life skills that I would never have learned on the easy routes in life.

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Hello guys, I've put some money back on and grinded while I studied for my final exam, did like 2-3 sessions, nothing spectacular.

Also sticking to more conservative BRM, because I just fail everytime I have an agressive one. Running pretty ****ty, not only in EV wise but also in 3b pots, 4b pots, few coolers and few ridiclious backdoor wonders vs fishes when we got AI on flop. So yeah, even though it seems like I'm crushing it, this is still a pretty bad run in terms of all the setups I got really.

Will start grinding seriously on friday again, since I'm having my last exam on that day.

I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO JOIN A SKYPE GROUP/MOTIVATIONAL GROUP OR JUST MEET FELLOW GRINDERS TO DISCUSS HANDS, YOU MUST PLAY NL50+. It can also be only 1 person, I don't care, I just feel I need a buddy that is in same struggles as me and is willing to put in the time/sacrifice and hang out on boring nights while grinding.

PM ME



+50$ RB

And the reason for the last 50$ drop is this guy, that went AI with his last money, got there ofc by calling ******ed 4b jam (3b 90%+) with T7o and then ran over me for 2BI more lol. Gotta love HU.



See you! Can't wait to start putting in time to grind again, got a lot of balance in my life again. Been drinking/smoking/hanging out and slacking on training a lot more than I'd like to admit to myself. Picked up Divine Comedy by Dante and it kind of struck me, even though I'm not religious, but it did pin point my bad habits out and gave me inspiration to be more true to myself and follow the good path and not the path of a complete animal that my ego likes to be at times.

Want to do an update after a doomswitch that just happened and I had quite weird downswing, despite already running bad. It's kind of funny I'm still doing 'well' after all the coolers that just went down. I could post a bunch of hands like AK>QQ, AA>KK, QQ<AK etc, but there are also a few where I had 90%+ and they just hit what they had to. I also lost a 400BB pot with set over set, where I flopped top set, reg raises, I re-raise.. turn J, I bet small, he jams, he has JJ. meh. I dropped quite a bunch vs fishes on HU tables after running ****ty, but can't do anything about that really.

I'm very happy with how I play, don't really care about the nonSD winnings so much atm.

About last 3k hands downswing there's nothing I could do really, boards and cards played themselves out. I did make 2 questionable calls where fishes just had it, but that's about it. Still waiting for things to turn around. In total I'm up about 150€ with RB/bonuses, which is great after all the coolers that went down. Hopefully it turns around soon.

I'm also very composed and this downswing didn't really tilt me or anything, which is another EV+ thing I've worked out with myself.

For next month goal is to hit 3k at least, put in around 200 hours and keep myself and environment I work in clean.

Good luck and keep grinding!