Awesome post Ben, thanks a lot for the well thought out comments. Honestly I felt like I was probably going to reach out to Scott at some point but now that he's won the main I feel like it will seem like that's the reason I'm trying to be friendly. In trying to evaluate myself in the last few months I've realized I hold onto things for too long and I don't forgive easily enough. I take one thing someone's done, decide that that's who they are regardless of what happens in the future, and want nothing to do with them. Not the best way to live life. Always trying to improve myself though so hopefully in the future I do less of that.

I came on here just now before reading your post to to make a new post titled "I might need some help heads up" lolll...another 2 2nd places tonight. I've effectively completely reversed the downswing from the last 2 months in 9 days without a win. I guess 6 2nds will do that for you. But 6 2nds is also like $8000 less than 6 1sts so I am definitely going to start studying that part of the game. I got coolered in one today (maybe?)...I 3b KJo 40bbs deep and got flatted (that might be a horrible 3b for all I know), flop came J82dd and he had an AJo that he elected not to 4b. The other one we battled hard 3 handed, all taking the chip lead at one point, but then one opponent knocked out the other and I was down 3:1 to start. That being said, I ended up getting a big draw in on turn vs top pair, so again, maybe not optimal and I definitely need to study up on that. I normally do pretty well at that stage of the MTT (117 1st to 106 2nds on P5s anyway) since not a lot of NJ MTT guys are gonna be much better than me at heads up lol, but it can't hurt to get better. Obviously it has a ton to do with how you play 5 handed and down as well since having all the chips going to heads up is going to allow you to win a bunch whether you're actually good HU or not.

We'll have to meet up again at a future live series. You seem really well thought out and grounded and I like to think I'm like that most of the time (despite how crazy I might seem from this thread ). Best of luck Ben!

So as mentioned above, I might need some help heads up lol. For the 3rd time in the last 6 nights I took 2nd in the Party 10K. Also added a 2nd in the WSOP 30r (formally a 10K, now an 8K). Add that to the Party 40K 2nd and the 2nd in the Party $55, and we're up 5 figures in the last 9 days without a win. Lotsssssss of money left on the table. I don't think I've played awfully in these heads ups but there is no doubt I've played far from optimally. Have been watching a ton of RIO videos the last week and done 2 or 3 review sessions with Max on Skype this past week. Most of our talks go something like this:

Max: "Well you'll have a lot more of this than him so we can size up here with range."
Me: "But. But just exploit and they do whatever your exact hand wants them to."

It's great having Max, who is playing against a player pool that has advanced so much more, discuss how to stay balanced and how to theoretically play optimally. I play my best when I'm thinking like this, and while the videos I watch often get me thinking that way, it's nice to be able to ask specific questions to someone who is playing against that pool regularly. We found a hand from the Stars 60K this weekend that I botched in several spots, and had I really played it differently at all I would have made more chips one way or another. I had the CL in that tournament with 50 left, lost AK to KQ for a lot of chips in a nasty runout, lost AA to QT on JJ9, and lost a flip to bust 20th with 12K up top, and was cursing my luck. But finding this hand that I played poorly was actually really encouraging. It made me feel like wow, I'm not always helpless to this run bad, I need to continue searching harder for ways to play better and find these spots that could have further continued to save my tournament against future run bad.

So anyway, sickness is gone, I'm running regularly again, 4.25 miles in 30 minutes today, tomorrow I think I'll drive to my old college Ramapo and do a 5 miler in that area. I'll be going to the city Thursday and to a friend's house on Saturday for a couple of parties as my 2 off days this week, so Tuesday/Wednesday/Friday/Sunday will be the other 4 days I'll play. Next week we'll make our triumphant return to live poker with the Parx $340. Looking forward to staying focused and continuing to really put the work in.

I'm right there with you with a bunch of 2nds recently. It might be the most frustrating thing possible. There was a night earlier this week where I took 2nd in 3 tournaments, and the difference between 3 firsts and and 3 seconds would be my by biggest score of the year. I don't think there's a ton that can be done tbh, in most tournaments by the time you gets heads up it turns into a shove fest.


That conversation with Max is a conversation I've had internally with myself a lot recently as well. My gut for a very long time was to balance. Then I realized playing on an anonymous site (and, in you case to a lesser extent a NJ site that seems to have players that aren't adjusting) that just playing to exploit all of the **** players is going to be so much more profitable. Trying to find the balance between exploiting and, well, balancing, can lead to a lot of lost money. Just my 2c, and you seem to be on the same page. I'll end the 4AM mini rant now I guess because I'm not sure what my point is other than "I fell you"

The NJ sites have actually done a pretty good job (maybe too good at times) of keeping the structures deep throughout FTs. Lots of play and as you can see from the time stamps of those two MTTs above, both started at 7:00, both ended at 12:50, so almost 6 hours per MTT despite only having about 100 people. I've been 30-40bbs deep most of the time starting these heads up so that's actually been pretty nice.

It sucks to think what could have been had we been able to close out all those tourneys, but definitely good to remember how good we ran to get to heads up at all. With 10 left in the Party 10K I got AQ in vs KJ and got the K74JT runout, then won 99>QQ for my tourney with 5 left in the WSOP 30r. Just keep grinding and things work themselves out.

I've literally thought to myself before "I need to find the balance between being exploitative and being...balanced" and then chuckled at the wording and I read your comment about that in the same goofy voice I've said that to myself in lol. Sounds like we are on the same page!

Haven't read this entire thread, but you seem to be on the right track with a lot of things. I can't count how many of these things I have read over the past decade where 5 years later they are at the top of their games. Anything can happen obv, but I'd say you have everything going for you.
We play together often and you made a pretty ambitious turn call vs me on Sunday and got very lucky, so I kinda don't like you, but I wish you the best of luck

HH for the fans.

Agree with you on balance. But think you can just exploit the fish/weak regs and have more of a balanced/GTO approach against the few top guys.

Assuming he agrees, I guess we know where I fall on his scale

Thanks Katie, we've played quite a bit over the last couple of weeks I think. I definitely wanna see the hand, I'll be the first to admit I make a lot of mistakes but have no shame in getting there at any point in time!

Yeah I definitely exploit a ton and wonder if I'm going overboard sometimes. Finding that balance, as xnbomb said earlier, can be tricky.

If I appear to have tried to exploit you it's probably more that I was just misapplying theory lol

Check his hendonmob out, Abe surprisingly has a track record.

have you ever discussed your ROI over x number of tournaments or time length? I don't remember ever seeing that ITT, sorry if i missed it...

Eh, no opinions really. I was at a final table with him for one of the Borgata wins he has and he does some stuff I don't approve of gameplay-wise (pump fake pushing his chips out after I've made a bet then stare at me to try to elicit a reaction) and in general (entering a woman's tournament) but I just do my best not to anti-sweat people anymore. As far as results and buy ins go, the guy has like 8 Borgata trophies or something so it doesn't shock me that he'd hop in a $2700. You have to remember that different people play poker for different reasons. Abe has stuck to his story that the only reason he hopped in the women's tournament was because he busted the only other tournament running that day and "hadn't had his fill of poker for that trip." If he's rich or has decent money from a different job and he's playing to have fun, then he's not going to worry about buy in level and might just want to play these nightlies to have fun.

You made your first 2p2 post to answer a question in this thread?

No I have not, and I honestly don't know how to lol. My HEM doesn't seem to properly track my buy ins and earnings and it says I'm down a ton of money playing tournaments so I don't know what the issue is with it. I used to track my buy ins rigorously and could get a rough estimate of my ROI from last year but this year I don't know if there's any way to do it.

I think Korotki's Hendon is the perfect example of running on the good side of variance.

Have also played with him, wasn't a fan.

/hating done

I really don't get the Korotki hate...

I mean: yes, he did hit a woman in the head a few times at a restaurant because she was smoking and then he claimed it was fine because he was just doing some jokey "faith healing" thing: http://articles.baltimoresun.com/199...healer-smoking. And sure, he once ripped off a bunch of injured firefighters he was representing by price gouging them, which resulted in the suspension of his law license for 18 months: https://www.ravellaw.com/opinions/a3...9bf291167ef48e. But it's not like he's some money-hungry scumbag who used his legal degree at one point to engage in ridiculously overly litigious behavior even though, yes: he did file a 50 million dollar class action lawsuit against GM in the 80's because they started making convertibles in 1984 that diminished the value of a convertible he bought in 1976 that he thought would have been more of a collector's item if GM hadn't viciously reneged on their word that they were done making convertibles.

This was all many years ago, though. Now he's by all accounts a really sweet gentleman who is a joy to play with who never angles and who always takes beats with aplomb. And did I mention he's a joy to play with?

Sorry, derail over.

poker rewards scum, kind of a reverse karma

Past Week

Wednesday

My friend who I often visit in the city, let's call him Greg, because that's his name, came over on Wednesday and we hung out during the day before my roommates came back at night. Since I was planning on taking Thursday and Saturday off I needed to work that night, and I'm proud to say that I actually did my job! Unfortunately as they were all leaving for the bar around 10:00, I'd busted everything except the $100 Stars 2nd Chance and was looking at a $700 losing day. I know I've been advised not to worry about daily/weekly/whatever profits but I just seriously can't help myself lol...it bothers me much less than it used to and I feel like knowing what place I need to get in a tournament to break even on the day focuses me even more. I think I also still play optimally and will realize that laddering from 5th to 4th with a short stack is still very important even if I need to get 2nd to break even on the day.

Anyway, I was 14/14 in the 2nd chance when they left and I told them I'd probably be meeting them there soon. Luckily for me I ran very good, spun it back up, and finished 3rd for $700ish. After plugging my numbers in I realized I made $12 on the day. Free drinks at the bar!

Thursday

Greg and I hopped on a train back to the city and were back to his place around 3PM. Got some food and played some Rocket League before our friend Aaren showed up a little later. Around 8 or 9 we headed to Greg's friend's place to pregame before heading out for the night. Oftentimes when meeting new people in the city it will be a little uncomfortable and they'll either be really eclectic or everyone's trying to be a bro or whatever, but Greg's friends were seriously fun to hang out with and I had a great time there. We walked in and they had ESPN on, where a replay of the heads up match from this year's main event was playing. They laughed when I said I know everyone who wins this tournament but when they realized I was semi-serious they were pretty interested in what I do. I swear the reception I get when people learn I play poker professionally has been overwhelmingly so much more positive over the last 2 years than I expected it to be when I started out. It's a great ice breaker and people seem genuinely interested in asking a lot of questions, which I actually love answering.

We played some pong, took some shots, eventually headed out to a place called Jimmy's BBQ on 31st near Lexington. I ate there once and it was a pretty chill place with a bar with good food. Well we walk in on Thursday and it's hopping! Multi levels, typical club atmosphere, apparently it's college night and it ended up being a fun time. From there we headed to another bar, again a really nice place but I don't remember the name, and stayed pretty late, maybe 2:30 or so. The group had trimmed to two of Greg's friends and Aaren, Greg, and I and we finally decided to just go into a little Irish Bar and play some darts and pool. We stay there until after 4 at which point I split from the group and wander around with someone I met, in all places, at the quiet Irish bar. We walk around until like 6 or so at which point we split up and I head back to Greg's. Aaren had texted me that he'd leave his phone on and I could call him to get in, but after a half hour of trying, I couldn't contact either of them so I grabbed a taxi to Penn Station, hopping on a 7:10 train to Secaucus to transfer over to Glen Rock. As I'm walking through the station I see a ton of people with briefcases and suits and ties heading off to work and I start to think about the bizarre life I'm living. I eventually get to Glen Rock around 7:45, get an uber home by 8, and walk into my roommates as they're leaving for work. I hang out with the dog until about 9 until I finally crash.

Friday

Friday consisted mostly of sleeping but I did my best to feel like a human by 7:00 when my session needed to start. I mincashed the $200 hyper turbo Stars had running as part of some series. Always nice to cash something that runs so fast, but always a really sick sweat the other way since the variance is so high and you could just sorta win the lotto for 5K. Grinded the $100 WSOP tourney they run on Friday nights really hard. And by that I mean the software froze every 20 minutes or so, and when you have 18bbs with 14 people left in a tournament with $3000+ up top, that can be a teensy bit frustrating. I switched back and forth from my phone to my computer trying to make sure I didn't freeze up. I managed to take the lead at the final table but eventually had to settle for 5th. I've begun limping range from SB when stacks are like 15-30bbs deep (depending on the player, sometimes I'll limp shallower, sometimes deeper, sometimes I'll open on those stack sizes but limping's the general strat). So with me at 280K at BB at 200K at 6K/12K I limp the AKo in the SB and snap and fist pump when he rips it in, but unfortunately he has 22 and the 242 flop does not leave me optimistic about winning the hand lol. Ended up making about $500 on the day.

Saturday

The plan was to hop in my car around 3:00, drive to a park to run, come back and shower and then head out to my friend Katie's birthday party in Point Pleasant, but when I got to my car I saw it was blocked in by my roommate's car, and he had already left for the 1:05 Yankee game. So that sucked, but my other roommate was leaving for the same party in about an hour, so I hurried to just run from my house and we headed out around 4:30. Katie's parties are always awesome and this year was no exception. She lives next to the Manasquan River and her backyard empties out into it, allowing us access to it. Katie and her 3 roommates lived across from us in college our Junior and Senior years and we always had a ton of fun with them. We drank a bunch and around 9PM Aaren and I decided to give the paddle boards a try. Those are the boards you stand on and row. There was a strong wind coming inland so it took everything I had to even get the thing out past the dock. I was very proud of myself for not falling and got a kick out of the absurd number of times Aaren splashed down lol. When I got tired of fighting the wind I turned the board around and literally did not paddle once as I went flying back into shore. The wind was legit!

Sunday

Went to bed around 3 or 4 before waking up around 10. My Yankee game roommate agreed to drive me back but we asked anyone if they wanted to go to brunch before we went. Greg was the only taker so the 3 of us headed off. I got some mimosas and steak and eggs and felt like a new man. Greg then suggested we head back to his place in NJ to go to the pool and I couldn't really resist. We floated around drinking some Bud Light Limes on a pretty perfect pool day until about 5:00 when I told Tee Dubs I needed to get to work. Unfortunately I wasn't able to make it back until about 7:00 so when I regged all the Sunday tourneys I only had about 25bbs in each. The Stars tourney this week was a $400 $75K, again for whatever series they were having, and I spun it from 10K to 50K pretty quickly. I did the same thing in the Party $215 and was feeling pretty pumped about my prospects on the day. Unfortunately I ran into a few bizarre spots and didn't cash anything, losing about $900 on the day.

In the Stars $400 I 3b KJo on the button vs HJ open (flat might be better) he called, I cbet a dry 942r pot for 30% or w/e planning to barrel all the overcards and give up otherwise; he called. Turn was a 9 and it went check check; river was a J and I literally said "****" out loud lol. I've ran into this spot quite a few times recently and never seem to make the right decision, strictly in the sense that I bet when I'm beat and check when I'm not. He checks so I think it's a very clear value bet; I bet about 45% pot and he thinks a bit before calling with QQ. Sigh. A new player moves to my left and is running like 50/30/20 over his first 20 hands at the table. I open CO at 1400bb with 42K to start the hand with 55 and he puts in a 3b to 6100; he'd been making these incredibly small sizings every time he'd 3b and hadn't shown a hand down yet. I think I'm at my best and have my best results when I play without fear and trust my reads so I shove the 42K expecting to get more than enough folds for it to be profitable, occassionally getting called by hands I flip with, but he snaps with AA and holds to bust me 60th with 36 paying. Oh well

In the Party 50K a player with 33K limps UTG2 at 600bb. He's way above average but I've been winning every hand I play and have 50K myself, and make it 2000 with AKs on the button. BB flats and UTG2 just rips the 33K in lol. These are the spots you find in NJ a lot, the ones that a theory video is never going to go over, and you just have to decide wtf it is people are doing this with. I eventually decide that 6 combos of hands beat me, he's running 20/10 so it's not like he NEVER opens so he MIGHT be opening his AA and KK some % of the time, and while I flip a lot I can run into some randomness I beat sometimes. Plus if I win this pot I have inf and a really good chance of making something happen. My timebank actually got down to 2 seconds before I called. He had QQ and I lost. Wasn't able to salvage that one and bricked everything the rest of the day. I actually 1 tabled the Party 10K for a solid 2 hours and was glad I stayed focused in it even though I was bummed about the other tourneys, but it was no dice in that one too. I played a very abbreviated schedule since I went to Greg's instead of coming right home, and I don't think I'm gonna beat myself up about it. I had a great time this weekend and didn't skip the session completely. It just sucks that Saturdays are the days that people can really go out and have fun and it's probably the worst day for me to be doing so. I'll look to continue to figure out just how much leeway I want to give myself in those situations in the future.

Couple thoughts-

1) Registering for the stars hyper. I've been trying to think if there's value in playing high buyin hypers; on the one hand, there's the shot at the lotto ticket like you said, and if you get a stack you can abuse the bubble; on the other, is the rake really beatable?! I can't make any decent decisions on these and am interested in your thoughts

2) You seem to be in the same spot as me in regards to sb/bb play. I've started limping much more when the BB has a reship stack and it seems to be working out. It feels like the wrong decision, though, when BB wakes up with a flipping hand he clearly would have folded to a raise

3) AK play is such a meh spot. Like they always have it there...except when they don't. It's such a difficult spot there. I think the right move might be to fold, especially when you are abusing the table, but I'm never hitting the fold button with AK

4) Right play with KJ imo, unlucky

1) They do lower the % rake on hypers (was a $190+$10) and I think people make enough push/fold mistakes that it shows profit, but the variance is obviously insane so you should definitely have way more buy ins for it than normal MTTs. That being said, a $200 hyper is sort of a 1 time thing in NJ so I didn't mind gambooling

2) Yeah I like the limping strat but if I open the AK he's probably still shoving the 22. Maybe he folds if I rip the 17bbs but then I'm missing a ton of value from his all non pair hands. I'm fine with it in general just need to win that flip next time!

3) Yeah folding might be right it just seems absurd to me to rip 55bbs in with aces or kings, you just lose so so so much value, and I actually think this might be the difference between ROW fish and NJ fish. In NJ the fish often tend to lean towards being too nitty and ALWAYS having it when they make a sizing that obviously can not be good regardless of hand, while ROW fish are on the spewier side. Not totally sure about that but it's the vibe I get, though I have seen a lot more spewy NJ fish recently to be fair. Maybe it's better to "wait for a better spot" but if he never has AA/KK and I'm flipping 90% of the time and dominating 10%, well let's take that equity! And when I factor in there are 6 total combos of AA/KK since I block, and I think he's opening AA/KK at some frequency so maybe I cut that down to 3 combos, then I only need him to take this line with AQs to already have 3 combos of hands I crush. Idk the equity runs close but the thing is it's for 55bbs, so if I just have a slight equity edge, then it's worth a lot of big blinds, if that makes sense, so I'd be more inclined to take the spot.

4) Thanks, yeah I think value has to try to be gotten, and I'm sure I'm just forgetting all the spots I bet for value and he folds and remembering all the times I value own myself. But I legit said "****!" out loud when the jack hit lmao, just got that feeling I was losing more chips that hand. Don't regret the bet though.

Two Year Anniversary!

We've made it 2 years in to the thread without dying or going broke, oh happy day! Lots has happened in the last couple of years so I want to do a proper write up of all the goings on. Feeling quite tired right now so I think I'll wait until tomorrow to try to summarize my first 2 years of documenting being a professional. In the meantime, thanks to all who have commented on this thread since the start! It's always been therapeutic to get my thoughts down in writing and having people to get feedback from has been an added bonus!

Parx $340 Day 1D

Bagged 241K last night at Parx after showing up 15 minutes into level 1. I almost always show up a few hours late to Big Stax and decided to get there on time and really grind. I'd fire as many bullets as it took to get to day 2, but fortunately I got there at 10:20 (10AM start yesterday), took my seat, and at 11:30PM I was still in that same seat putting chips in a bag! Honestly I don't think I played that great yesterday. I called incorrectly on river a few times. Once I remember being fine with it, thinking if villain had 22 or 76 it was the only way I was going to lose with my A4 on an A5346 board and I'd seen him bluff in weird spots earlier; he had 22 so as long as he has one of the hands I'm weary of and he does indeed have other bluffs in his range, I'm okay with it. But I made a few other calls I really didn't like, including calling river with 4c4s on A52ccc8xAx against a guy I leveled myself into thinking was overbluffing. He had AxTc and the more I thought about it the more I realized he just had a ton of value and almost certainly not enough bluffs.

I also missed a few value bets, mostly against the same guy, though these spots were close. At one point I open AA and get a few callers, before BB donks the KT2r flop. I decided to exploit and just raise there and he calls, and then x/c's the 8x turn. He checks dark going to the river and at this point I feel quite confident he has a king, and I don't think he's both peeling K8 and down AND getting to river with it, so he MIGHT have some K9, but I think his range is dominated by KQ and KJ. I have 40K back with about 65K in the middle so I'm planning on shoving river, which ends up being a Q. So now on this KT28Q board I have to decide whether to shove for value or just check back. I think a large % of players check back here and don't sweat it, but to really be crushing the game you don't want to miss any of these spots for value. If I think going to river it's equally likely he has KQ or KJ and he has all the combos of those hands, then when the river is a queen, he now has 9 combos of KQ and 12 combos of KJ. So if I assume he's 100% calling with KQ, I need him to be calling with 75%+ of his KJ to make my shove profitable (21 combos of KQ (9) + KJ (12), I lose 40K 9 times when KQ, need to get called 9 times by KJ to break even, 9/12=75%...I think this math makes sense correct me if I'm wrong). So if he's finding a fold with KJ at any frequency then maybe my check back is fine. I did check back and he showed KJ and I won the pot.

I did some things well too though. I was always looking for spots and trying to chip up, but I was happy with the patience I displayed at times. There was a stretch of a few orbits in a row where none of the hands I got were even close, T4o being like the best hand I was dealt. While I wanted to continue to lean on a table I considered to be somewhat weak, I didn't let my ego convince me that I could open any two and just use my post flop edge to win. I sat there and folded away, even folding buttons when folded to me, despite the temptation to just open any two and just go for it. When I was fortunate enough to chip up to 200K at 1K/2K I attempted to really get my stack trending upward, instead of having that slight fear of losing those chips before day 2 like I used to. I lost AQ to AJ for 25K each, then went 7500 with KK over a 2400 limp from EP vs a kid who was really lost; he donked the QT9r flop and with only 30K going to the flop, I put him in and lost to his J8o lol. So some misfortune dropped me back to the 100K mark and I just didn't sweat it or get anxious about it. I was happy with how I didn't let myself get "attached" to the chips; it's easy to get all amped in a live bird when you have a bunch of chips in front of you, only to feel bad when you lose a lot of them. I felt very disconnected from the chips themselves and that desperate feeling of wanting to win, and I think it really helped to allow me to play my best.

I ran good again down the homestretch, with SB ripping 50K or so at 3Kbb with A2o and me finding AK in the BB and holding, then button shoving 24K at 3K big with 53s and my A6o holding, and after playing a few hands in the last 15 minutes of the day I was able to chip back up to 240K. The turnout was absolutely absurd yesterday, with over 1200 entrants on 1D alone and about 2800 total entries, with late reg open for a full level today, so there will be a ton of money up top. Heading into today with 241K at 2500/5000/500. The goal today is to not worry about any of the extra stuff, to just feel as relaxed as I did yesterday, and to play my best and not sweat the results. I feel confident I'll do all those things and be fine with whatever result occurs.

Awesome mindset, good luck on day 2, I hope you ship it!

glgl

Thanks guys!

Ended up busting 185th/2805 for $959. Really not sure if I played well but happy with the way I went for it. Had it up to 370K or so at 6Kbb and then got moved to the left of a kid named Soheb who had about 1.5M and was very active. Literally my first hand at the table it folds to him and he opens to 18K in the SB, I defend KJcc, flop comes AJ9r and I call his c-bet. Turn is a 3 and I call his 2nd barrel, river is a 3 and he bets 77K into 130K or so. I elected to fold but I think it really just comes down to how often he's willing to fire 3 barrels with air. I really wrestled with the spot as I think folding my 9x and calling my Ax seems like a good way to balance this, but I wasn't sure what I want to do with my Jx, especially now that this "best" Jx I have has a kicker that doesn't play anymore. The hero in me really wanted to call and be right, have a bunch of chips, and show the overwhelming table chip leader that he wasn't going to just run through me, but I think one of my biggest leaks, especially live, is talking myself into calling on rivers when I shouldn't. I folded but still not sure about it.

Later on I 3b A5s from the button vs his CO open, he peeled, I whiffed flop and continued for a size that would set up a pot size turn shove if I decided it was a good card to barrel, he x/c'ed. Turn put 3 to a flush out there and he led for like 30% pot and I mucked. I survived the table with 200K and a feeling that I probably could have done more there, but again, if I'm making mistakes I'd rather they be aggressive than passive losing calls on the river.

The day came to an end when MP opened to 23K at 10K at a new table, I 3b shoved HJ with 88 for 220K, and SB iso'd with AA. Not really concerned with whether or not the shove is good, as I think it can't be awful, and I've been taking a new mindset with getting short in tournaments. Once I get under that 25BB range, I feel it's important to remember that you are now variance's *****. If you didn't want to be in a spot where gambling was necessary, you should've worked harder to find spots before you got that short. Granted, there will be lots of times when it's unavoidable and you now have to gamble, but I feel my push/fold strategy and 3b shove ranges etc are good enough now where worrying about what to do with <25bbs is silly and the focus needs to be on what happens before then.

When it comes to live tournaments I've decided that I'll view them as playing a sort of free lottery. I play well enough that I think if I were to run bad live for the rest of my life I'd probably break about even, and that's okay since I play enough online to make up for it. But if I ever put that one Big Stax, that one Borgata big field event together for an entire tournament, I'll have a lot of money. And if not, that's okay too. Just important to not get attached to results and to enjoy the ride.

Bagged 175K (40K SS) in the Parx $550 on 4 bullets. Sold 45% at 1.2 so was in for $250 each. Busted 2 bullets yesterday before dinner and just decided to come home, played an online session and chopped the Stars 10K heads up for a little over $2000. So we're up money in the last few days with 35bbs going to day 2 of the $550. Two of the first three bullets involved me getting all in on the turn fading 8 outs (once AQ vs AJ on QT48, once AJ vs K8cc on AAK6cc) and losing the hand to bust, and I somehow really enjoyed the entire time I was there despite that. Kept my head up and kept plugging, and realizing I was only in for $250 per bullet, the same as a Stars Super Tuesday buy in, gave me an extra level of calm. It's funny how I've been playing as long as I have and I still see how important BRM is in playing optimally. I definitely would have felt less comfortable if I was in for the full $550 each time and might not have taken all the spots I felt were good.

Going to a friend's house for a party tomorrow, though it looks like it's gonna rain, and I think I plan on heading home that night rather than staying there and trying to be up in time and in the right mind to play by 11AM. A good night's sleep is important for what will hopefully be a long day Sunday.

Really frustrating poker day all around yesterday. I was really happy with my work ethic and how I stuck in there and just kept registering. Wasn't thrilled with how I played, and then had very bittersweet results in everything. Think I actually won small but blah.

Parx $550 Day 2

Couldn't really have gone much worse. I once again found myself at a soft table and for some reason I just never seem to do well at the easy tables live! I think I often try to do too much, and yesterday I was glad that I stayed patient and didn't force anything, but it just didn't matter in the end. I started with 175K at 2500/5000 and literally won one pot the whole day. I didn't really even lose any big pots, just lost all the pots I entered and found myself short after 1 level. The 2 bigger pots I played came when I completed K8o in the SB 4 ways, K43ccc checks through, I lead 11K into 24K on the 7x turn, the first limper minraises to 22K...I don't know what to do in these spots live to be completely honest. Feels like I'm never good but folding getting that price does not feel right. I call, river another off suit 7, check check, I lose to KxQc.

Another hand I open 77 and get flatted, flop J94r I cbet he calls, turn T I shut it down he x's back, river 6 I check he bets 25% pot I fold. I defend BB a couple times and have to x/f when I whiff, and now I'm at 90K still at 5Kbb. I open KJo in CO to 12K, SB 3b's to 30K. Again, not sure what to do against this micro sizing IP. I only have 18bbs to start the hand but it's 18K to win over 50K. I decide to flat and go with it if I flop any piece. Flop AA6 goes x/x, turn 5 x/x, river T x/x. I just decide not to try to bluff him off what I assume is a high PP lower than AA, and sure enough I lose to QQ and have 60K going to 6Kbb.

I fold 3 hands and then find JJ UTG1 and rip the 57K, same guy who's been winning every pot against me flats MP with TT, T in the window and home I go

Sunday Online

I don't feel like I played my best yesterday but was able to play and run well enough to make a couple runs. I lost AA to KK for the chip lead 7 from the money in the Stars $50 10K which was dumb, lost KJ to T9dd on KJ6dd2x in the Stars $100 12K for CL 10 from the money which was also dumb, ran pretty bad in the WSOP and Stars majors, etc, but just kept registering and was happy with the way I stuck to it. I won a hyper satty to the Stars $500 15K but it didn't run so I just got T$, and by the end of the night I was in for over $2K and was left with the Party $162 10K and the Party $215 40K. After winning QTs>JJ in the 10K I went into the FT with about the same amount of chips as the bottom 5, while the top 4 had created some separation. The payouts are pretty absurd, with 6 paying and 6th getting $800 while 1st gets a little over 3K. So the mincash is huge. At the same time I was running very good in the Party 40K, winning a bunch of flips and finding myself with the chip lead after the bubble broke.

With 2 tables left in the 40K I got moved to the direct right of one of the tougher NJ regs who is aggressive maybe to a fault, but gets away with it and crushes in NJ. He 3b me literally every time I opened. Was probably 7 for 7. Incredibly frustrating as any time I peeled I whiffed and had to decide if I wanted to play for stacks with ace high, and I never found a spot where I liked a 4b. I chipped way down and did eventually have the right stack/hand to 4b rip and got it through but I genuinely was forced to have a plan for what I'd do vs a 3b every single time I considered opening. I made the final table 6th of 9 with maybe 20bbs while 2 players had 4bbs each. Then the ridiculous frustrating part of the session occurred.

The shorties would not bust. I would estimate short stacks got it in behind 6-7 times and got there every time, as I sat and folded down to nothing. I looked for spots but they simply weren't there; any time a spot was close there'd be a 3b in front of me and it wasn't close anymore. Finally we lose a player, and I shove K7s in the SB for 75K at 9Kbb. I get snapped by the BB's K2o and a 2 on the flop ends my tourney in 8th. INCREDIBLY frustrating that the first time I get it in I'm ahead and lose when shorties have doubled with the worst of it half a dozen times. I finish 8th for $1600 with 1st being $8K+$3500 live seat. Meanwhile on the other table we are at 7 left with 6 paying and I am close with 3 other players around 10bbs. I shove AT and am snapped by AK to bust on the bubble again.

So yeah, super frustrating, made like $200 on the day with lots of potential. I'm going to go home today and try to get some studying in; haven't done enough of it lately. Hopefully I can get some momentum going again soon.