Do you really believe people in 3rd world countries don't get depressed? Just take a look at the suicide rates list as complied by the WHO, you can see most of the top ranked countries by suicide rate are in the 3rd world, and some of these 3rd workd countries are known to under report suicides in the first place because of the stigma attached to suicide. Most people that kill themselves are not happy people.

Incidentally, Indonesia has higher reported female suicide rate than male, which is very rare. Not sure what that means, but interesting.

I am sure you got it right,the reports, number and etc..but,its not like that all the time

when the first time you heard the word depression? do you think back then they take anti depressant medication?I am sure we have low and down moments on our lives, but any drugs or medication isn't the only solution..and as far as I know depression only categorised as disease in western world -- thus the drug/medication and etc

KK,all you need is support from people close to you and try walk to the other way around.. Not weed,drugs or all that medications..

Hey KingKrab.

I'm only on page 5, but I'm thoroughly enjoying your writing. Your honestly and perseverance through tough times have been impressive. I'm rooting for you. GL!

an entire year? I don't think since the start of my adult life. But I'm certain that's the case for any adult. Alcohol is just a social and cultural norm, to be consumed many times a week. I mean, that's how it's sold to us by marketing, bars, and any/all social situations. I actually don't drink too much nowadays, so I've noticed, If you don't drink you're the weirdo, at a bar, club, dinner... Another thing, what do people who don't drink do? Do they just stay indoors and knit by themselves, or do they find a bunch of other non-drinkers to do sober stuff with, like play monopoly? (Not rhetorical, I really want to know if someone can answer for me)

But yea, for the last years of my journey, I haven't abstained from pot, except for a few weeks at a time. only time I stopped was when I was taking the anti-depressants, and I threw those out 9 weeks into it. That sh** was turning me into someone I couldn't recognize.

I've been completely sober for 12 years... I do all kinds of ****. Travel all over the place, I go to Vegas 2-3 times a year, I was just in the Bahamas, go to local bars, country dancing at local country bars, see local live bands, see huge live bands at big concerts, go to comedy clubs, I'm in a bowling league, go to sporting events, the list goes on and on.

Just because booze is marketed like it is doesn't mean your life has to suck because you don't want to buy into that bull****.

And all that **** about you being the weirdo if you don't drink... That's in your head man. People really are so self involved they don't have time to really worry about whether you drink or why you don't. I have many friends that drink and many that don't. If people you meet don't want to associate with you cuz you don't drink, trust me you're better off without those ones. And believe it or not there are actually people out there that just don't drink. They don't like the way it makes them feel. I know I could never understand them. I met a chick at a poker tournament a few years ago in Louisiana that was a dealer that I ended up hooking up with and she just didn't drink. Lol I was like yeah? She just didn't like it. She loved to go out dancing though!

My life has been infinitely better since I quit drinking and using drugs.

I was diagnosed with severe depression and was suicidal when I was 15-18. I was homeless off and on from the age of 16. Went to a few different psych wards, treatment places, ect. Saw several psychologists in that time. Got put on everything from Paxil to Zoloft to Seroquel and on and on. All that **** is just putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound.

After all that BS I quit using drugs and drinking and changed my life. I met some people that were willing to help me out. Helped me change the way I thought. I used to be a toxic person. I used to have the worst outlook on life and the world. Not anymore. And I haven't had to take a psych drug or felt like that in over a decade. I have a pretty good life now and feel like I have purpose. I wouldn't trade the worst moments of my life now for the best moments I had before.

I went through a period in my life where I was unhappy with what I was doing, drinking myself into a stupor every night and suffering from depression.What I learned from the experience is that if your life is going badly, you need to change it.

For me, that was quitting drinking completely for 6 months (I drink occasionally nowadays but in moderation), moving close to family for a while and eventually changing my career path.

Life is too short to live doing something you are unhappy with. Figure out what is not working, and stop doing it. Try new things, find something you enjoy and are interested in, work hard at it and the rewards will follow.

This reminds me of what happened one night back in my first year university. A bunch of us went to the university pub drinking and dancing the whole night till the pub closed, then we went to one of the resident and drink some more. At the end, one guy wants to drive home and I stopped him and told him I will drive him, he got really mad and said what right do I have to stop him, and that I was drinking too. He wouldn't believe me when I told him I had been drinking pop and water all night long. Just because I was dancing all night long and having a great time like everyone else didn't mean I was drinking.

Since then, I have drink on occasions, but usually just one drink or non since I am usually the one driving.

Ĺist of things I do/did that doesn’t involve alcohol :

Skiing, hiking, soccer, volleyball, golf, going to movies, attending professional sport games, playing games on computer, reading, watching plays, symphony concerts, ballets, target shooting.

Things that sometimes I have one drink, sometimes not:

Dancing, dining out, comedy clubs, shooting pool, live music events, parties.

Well you get the idea, most activities don't involve alcohol, and those that do, I have never felt out of place when I choose not to drink.

I don't play soccer, volleyball or ski anymore because of my knees, but that has nothing to do with being sober.

You kind of have to think in other people's shoes.

If I am a drinker/partier and I read what you wrote, I would just think you're a chump who's too pussy to have fun.

Then I feel sorry for you, and I wouldn't care what you think.

KK,

I sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Hopefully you realize that nothing is really as bad as it seems. Think about it, the terribleness in your life is that you may have to go back to work. Honestly it's not really far fetched that you'd feel down in life. The last couple years have been with you having not much money, sleeping in your car, splitting your time between casino and backseat, and not having any actual friends or family to spend time with.


You need to come to terms that having a job isn't as bad as you build up in your mind. Atleast a job would put you around normal people, and give you a chance to meet a lady and have friends, have a house/apartment and have money in your pocket. I mean, if you felt like **** having a job and also feel like **** playing poker, you might as well do what gives you the better life.


I hope you're just in a funk and figure things out. Are you renting out the bedroom?

the funnest times ive had in life involved drinking and doing drugs. dont listen to pokerdogg he doesnt know what hes talking about. everything on his list is majorly enhanced when under the influence

At the very least you have an excuse when you shoot the neighbours' dog while target shooting.

Guaranteed your gambling habit is fueling the chemical imbalances in your brain and is the overall contributor to suicidial thoughts. Quit poker, go work for a Cannabis club and sell weed for a living. You will be happier and more successful.

Segel is playing David Foster Wallace.

You should read some of his work. His novel "Infinite Jest" (the publication of which and subsequent book tour is the basis of the film) is always a good place to start.

His commencement speech to Kenyon College in 2005 (known as "this is water", audio below) is pretty well regarded as well.

Imagine how cool it would be with Steven Seagal playing David Foster Wallace.

TLDR; Thank you, everyone, for the sound advise and compassion. Believe it or not, responding to and conversing with you guys is the bulk of my social interactions these days. This might be sad, but I choose to see it as a positive, that I do have at least some caring people in my life albeit through a computer screen.

I can most definitely see from the responses, who has, and who has not gone through a similar hardship. I’m hoping I run much better in cards than I did in Feb. because depending on what my therapist says the first session, I may be racking up some therapy bills.

A part of me doesn’t want to grow up. I’m certain many of you know how that feels. I grew up playing tony hawk pro skater 2, and when I thought about those pro skaters, pro athletes, rock stars, I judged them. Judged them for playing a game for a living, for not having the balls to sac up and take on real responsibility, work, or hardship.
What was so appealing about poker was the ability to get up and go whenever I wanted. It’s become a huge part of my personality. Sh** gets hard, run the fu** away. Life is hard, escape with marijuana.
Sorry for the depressiveness man. I really wish my life were bubbles and M&M cookies. I do appreciate your forwardness though. It’s things that I’ve probably heard before, but a reminder is often necessary.


Very powerful words man. It hit me right in the chest. I’ve gone my whole adult life, expanding my knowledge about disorders and understanding psychology, that I’ve become a skeptic on a shrink’s ability to “heal” me. But it’s something that I myself have not tried.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been able to help others people out of their ruts; for some, external psychological attention can be very beneficial. Hope I’m not being too confusing. It’s like this in my head: a first level shrink can heal the general population and their woes, but he himself has understanding for a vast majority of people yet he himself has a more complex set of problems. shrink1 cannot be “healed” by patient1, or his wife, who is also just a lowly peasant in terms of psych skills and empathetic understanding.
shrink1 needs a higher powered shrink, shrink 2 to speak with. shrink2 has all of these problems, set on by his profession and his own life, that he needs to see a specialist himself, shrink3. Fu**, I don’t know if any of this makes any sense. It did in my head at least. Anyways, the point is, I don’t think a shrink will heal me, but just charge me an arm and a leg for meeting with him twice a month for as long as I can afford it. I don’t want to be a complete skeptic without trying it, especially if it has a chance.


I know you mean well my friend, and I agree the drug industry does have heaps to benefit from, but I don’t believe you and PresentMoment were saying the same thing.
What you must understand, is there is a Hierarchy of needs in psychology. (look it up, i’m too lazy to find and upload). at the bottom, are the necessities for life, such as water/food/shelter. at the tippy top, is esteem and self actualization, or what I like to think of as “first world problems.” Depending on how, when, and where you spawned your life, you are lacking in some part of the hierarchy of needs. So depending on your situation, an individual might have different problems than you, but they are very real problems to that individual. Lacking water will cause one to die, but lacking love or career fulfillment to some may not be a life worth living either.

What I do agree with, is that all a person needs is support of caring people around you. I don’t have that. Even if I did, my problems are cut into me so deep, that average joe or average blondie wouldn’t be able to have the sufficient experience to be able to have true empathy and understanding to help carry the weight of my problems.

I think of pain as energy in physics. Energy is neither created nor lost, it’s just shifted elsewhere. A very dark person can be helped by another, by taking on, lets say half his pain. But that pain is shifted onto that next person, so each ends up bearing half. That’s why I believe therapists needy therapy. But that might just be my own stupid opinion. Sorry for the rants



That gives me hope man. I did a trial run for the whole sober thing as I mentioned before, and it was hell. (it’s not just in my head) Like Parker said, people do judge, and think that non-drinkers are pus*ies for not drinking, not wanting to have fun. But I also believe that those guys, and all adult humans, are most definitely alcoholics. It’s just socially acceptable to be an alcoholic, but it’s not socially acceptable to be sober. it’s someone’s birthday? Lets get drunk. Wedding? Drinking, drinking all night. New years, holidays? Drink! Drink! Drink! Oh, it’s the weekend? That cause for drinking celebration! We’re going to a ballgame? I’ll get us a 6-pack! Sad breakup? Drink. Happy about your promotion? Lets get drinks to celebrate! You get the idea.
I’m sure it’s easier if you have friends/significant other who is also sober all the time. Maybe I hang out in the wrong circles, but finding a good one of those is like finding a unicorn.

Sorry to hear about your depression and suicidal thoughts from before PFS. We have a sh**ton more in common than I originally thought. From what I thought, that way of thinking is not something that just disappears, it’s something that you learn to deal with.

Pro skaters worked their ass off, pro athletes worked their ass off, pro anything worked their ass off.

Just because they make it look easy, it doesn't mean they were born with those skill set.

Poker is the same way. Great players work hard, something most people don't understand.

Not sure if you’re trolling, but half of me absolutely does agree with you. Workaholics + Sunny in Philadelphia is the nuts while high. Lets, shmoke a bowl sometimes.
Doesn’t mean I haven’t done some really stupid sh** when I was high/drunk. I try not to be out in public too long while inebriated for that reason.

Feeling judged… being the only high person in a normal social situation, and you can actually feel the others judging you. I’m thinking, they can definitely tell that I’m high, and I’m being weird. I probably have a goofy smile on my face, or my eyes are probably bloodshot and squinty.

I called off $65 dollars on the river with high card Ten knowing I was beat, just to see what Villain had.
I took a sh** on a car while I was drunk.
I burned my eyelashes while trying to light my bowl.
I almost hit the biggest dude at a bar while high, just because someone dared me to. (thankfully, someone else grabbed me and told me not to. Probably would have gone to the hospital that night.)
I have broke/fractured my hand on a brick wall punching it while high.
I’ve gotten into some of the worst fights with a girl because of pot. I’ve said some things, I shouldn’t have said while I was high. Things I can’t take back.

Thanks bro. I guess everything now seems a little bit better than everything last year, but you’re right, not having any actual friends or family around is really what’s killing me on the inside.

I’m sure I’ll be able to bounce back. Yup, sleep is something that I cannot complain about. After smoking a little, I get a good 9 hours every night. Off topic a bit, but I had a weird ass dream the other night. Some people say they can’t dream after smoking, but I have these crazy vivid dreams. So I’m on a commercial jet, but the takeoff strip is on the top of a skyscraper. instead taking off of the top of the building, it rolls off the side of the building, dips towards the streets, and crashes, 100 stories down. All the other passengers are okay, except me. Half my teeth, on the left side of my mouth have just completely shattered out. I’m okay otherwise. I shove my shattered teeth into my pants pocket, and escape the plane, there’s probably terrorists on the plane that did this. I run away… hide out in shady dark houses for a week. Any Dream interpreters out there?

Basically, you’re telling me to go into retail. So no thank you. It might not be big money, but poker has been the easiest way to make money for me compared to sales, retail, office work, physical labor. For right now, living minimalistic and stacking chips is alright.

But you are right, to an extent. except switch out all that gambling habit nonsense, I’m not addicted to gambling. I do believe that poker has made me more cynical of other people’s intentions. That might be the root of my “everyone’s out to get me” syndrome.

Obviously dude. I have mad respect for the top level players at any field, one of my biggest heroes is Lil Wayne, and I don’t even like rap music, let alone his music. Those skaters got to their levels because of determination, hard work, some inherent skill, but most important of all, is the outlier effect of being spawned at the right place and the right time, aka LUCK. If those individuals had spawned half a decade earlier, they wouldn’t have the tools or public interest to reach the high level of (monetary) success that they did reach.

Same thing with the Mid 2000’s poker players. Sure they had talent, but they also had the degeneracy and the “Gamboool” mentality at the right place and the right time to play big and cash in on the Apex of whale money at the cusp of internet gambling, while even if I had the talent, I wasn't old enough to own my own credit cards/bank account to deposit large amounts online.

And when I look at these retired skaters, and retired poker players, if they hadn’t hit the spawning jackpot, they would be an average joe just like anyone else, working retail, making coffee, waiting tables. Most of them wouldn’t have the skill set to dive right into med school.

Come on, less crying more ******ed hand histories.

You chose to quit your job to move to a city where you know nobody to live in your car and play badly in some of the most ridiculous poker games I've ever heard described and now you feel a little bit sad. What the **** did you think was going to open?

Suck it up, study poker, improve and win.

Or **** off and get a job. Apparently you have a degree from a top university and decent work experience, it shouldn't be too hard to find something. Of course, your not interested in that "corporate grind", you just want to whine to a bunch of strangers about how sad you feel in your chosen mediocrity.

You and this thread had so much potential at the start but **** me they're both seriously going down hill fast.

Fu** you man. I’m really trying my hardest to get through this. I’m trying my hardest not to fall off the deep end. I try to keep myself uncensored. I’m open to talk about anything under the sun, if you had just asked. I thought engaging with you people would not only be therapeutic, but also enlightening.

And what do you mean by “******ed” hand histories? Are you implying that I’m playing them incorrectly? Maybe I play them a little bit on the obscure side, but I feel like I get my money in good the majority of the time. Why don’t you stop being a typical instant gratification millennial, and absorb some depth?

I don’t know if it’s the Marijuana use or just my current state of being, but my motivation is not at it’s highest point. There have been no hands to showcase lately because I haven’t been going in for work very frequently. I promised myself that I’ll go in at least one of the weekend days.

If you wanna see sh**ty plays and sh**ty players, go to your local card room and partake in the lollivepokerfest while you still can. Put your own god**mn money on the table. Or, If you’d like, I could stay off the grid entirely for a while. After multiple sessions of therapy and I’m better, I’ll log like 200 hours, then just report to you all the “******” hands. That would make me no better than those “news” websites that report primarily about celebrities and shock news. Hands come as I play longer sessions. As I’ve explained in my previous thread, I’m certain you don’t want to hear about all the mundane hands where I raise pre on the button, C-bet flop and take it down.
If you don’t like who I am as a person, then there are plenty of other people on this sub-forum that post graphs and HH every other post. Online players probably play like, 200x the amount of hands that I play. My bad, my bad for being in a slump and having a sh**ty life.


Anyways, for the rest of you guys, sorry for the rant. hope you guys enjoy your weekend.

P.S. Your life had so much potential Dogarse. What happened to you? Oh I know. I’m certain that your superiority complex and your judgmental attitude towards everything and everyone, has most likely driven you into a similar, sh**ty situation. The only difference between you and I is that you’ve accept your fate and have become complacent with it. I, albeit slowly, I am working on me, doing things outside of my comfort zone because I don’t want to accept this lonely, meaningless life. I’m either going to dig myself out of the sh**hole I’m in, or I’m gonna die trying.

It IS the marijuana, you should know full well that it does no favors for motivation.

And sadly it's also incongruent with your second statement, trying to get out of your comfort zone and work on yourself, which I think we can all agree is something to aspire towards.

I strongly advise you to lay off the green stuff for a bit and see how it goes (this comes from a daily smoker).

Gl man, keep your head up.

no updates in a while, everything ok?

im guessing you play the $200 3/5 game at Commerce? maybe we've played with each other before?? say hello if you see <------ this face at your table and good luck!

hey is everything ok man? ive sent you a couple pms you never replied. anyway hope your doing well and also if your interested in employment my restaurant apparently could use a waiter and most likely a bartender atm since everyone, including me, is taking vacations in the near future. resume isnt a big deal if you want the job you pretty much got it as we tend to hire through friends. on the other hand im looking into buying a cheap car so i can start making trips to commerce. stop being so shy and shoot me a text sometime so we can meet up.

Your my motherfkn hero.

Ill take this advice to heart myself and im not even OP.