"There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way."- Christopher Morley

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I'm a little reluctant to write about this, I grazed on it briefly before but it's tough to find the appropriate language to communicate exactly where I'm at. I don't want to negatively influence anyone who loves poker and I'm not sure how relatable it will be to most people on this poker forum.

I have a new outlook and perspective on how poker is going to fit into my life in 2017. I was experiencing a lot of cognitive dissonance last year in regards to how many hours of poker I wanted to play. On one hand I wanted to play a lot on the other hand I wasn't really enjoying it and I felt like the more I tried to push myself the harder it was to motivate myself to start a session and the more I found myself distracted, unengaged and counting down the clock until I could leave. I think it is probably a natural occurrence to grow tired of doing an activity that can be considered tedious, repetitive and monotonous for 6000+ hrs. My results have been getting worse and I think this could have something to do with my diminishing passion and interest in playing poker so much. I also contemplate my life's purpose, is it really to just play poker and try to win as much money as possible? I feel like maybe I have more potential to excel at occupations outside of the gambling world and maybe poker is a distraction from my life's task and how I want to impact the world and my legacy when I'm gone... I don't want to get too deep in this tangent it's just something I think about.

I made the decision this year I am just going to set a goal to work 2000 hrs and set no specific volume goal for poker. I'll spend my time doing what I feel like on that day whether it be working on my art, playing music or playing poker. That is what freedom and autonomy means to me. I don't want to rely on only one specific way of earning money. Some people may enjoy playing poker all day, I had phases when I felt like that. Now I would like more variety in my days so I will strive toward that vision this year.

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Art:



Mini Challenge #3

[51] Work 55 hrs
[35] Run 30 Miles
[2] Upload 10 Videos
[10] Fitness
[10] Nutrition
[10] Education
[10] Meditation
[10] 8 hrs quality sleep

2017 Goals

[119.5] Work 2000 hrs
[90] Run 1000 miles
[ ] Travel to as many new places as possible
[ ] Date and have fun with some new girls, be the best guy I can be
[3] Poker Player Volunteer Organization Meet ups
[16] Upload 365 videos across all channels
[24] Fitness
[22] Nutrition
[23] Education
[23] Meditation
[29] 8 hrs quality sleep

I wish you the best on trying to come to terms with where poker fits in your life and finding the proper balance that works for you. My guess is most people would be better off doing the same.

I just looked at my stats and realized I've spent 5,453 hours at the poker table (so in the same ballpark as you). However, all of those hours have been purely recreational hours (I mean, ~1,350 of those hours were spent at 2/4 Limit, lol) and it's taken me a while to accumulate those hours (since 2006). Thanks to being purely recreational, I still enjoy heading out for my ~weekly session, and when the clock is counting down to the time I need to go, I'm still always try and eke out one more orbit if I can. My results have also been diminishing (games are getting tougher, rake is getting worse, etc.), but thankfully I still find it fun.

You might find your enjoyment of the game returns once you downgrade it's priority in your life, although admittedly we are in two completely different places financially.

Ggoodluck!G

i personally find the more i study the more i enjoy it. study more get better and move up. how will you live without income from poker. what's your annual budget?

Thanks, didn't even feel like it was that far.

Thank you!

Yeah maybe the enjoyment will return at some point. In the past when I was feeling burnt out I could take a couple weeks and feel reenergized but the last few times I take a break and come back I am already feeling like it's a chore the first day back on the grind.

I should probably be studying more, need to find some material that I find interesting. I know I can beat 1/2 for 14/hr and 1/3 for 17/hr I doubt I can improve those much. My rate at 2/5 is also 17/hr which I think I could probably improve to 30 or 40/hr if I played my best. But I haven't been able to play much 2/5 because of bankroll pressure. Feeling stuck at the lowest stakes is certainly a contributing factor in not really enjoying poker much.

I am still planning to derive income from playing poker. I just need to figure the best use of my work hrs. If I can earn 20/hr playing guitar and never have a losing day it's seems like I should be playing more guitar than grinding 1/2 which is less money and inconsistent (been though 2 800 hr breakeven stretches and in the midst of a 200 hr one right now). Then there is art which I broke even at last year but I really enjoy creating art, I think I can turn a profit this year if I participate in some art shows and increase my online presence. The art market is 100x bigger than the poker market so I feel like maybe there is more long-term potential if I focus more effort on improving my art skills.

I don't feel like my spending is outrageous at 1.5k to 2k a month. But last year I only earned 11k from poker so I was operating on a deficit, now I am a few thousand in debt.

Mix it all together. Poker can supplement. Can you get steady work playing guitar? If so, and you enjoy it, I would do as much of that as possible. Same for the art. Though I'm pretty sure that's not steady, but more like break even/slight -EV for long stretches, then big paydays. Can you do all three? I guess you're already saying that. It's just that I would throw in as much as possible of the one that pays an hourly (music) if I could.

Carl,

I have been following your thread periodically since I found it in March 2012. Always a fun read to catch up on a few pages here are there. While I admittedly have not read the entire thread (it is extensive), I think its fantastic that you have put so much dedication to documenting what you enjoy doing. Out of curiosity, I took a look to see when you originally posted this, and saw it was back in March of 2011. That is almost 6 years now! Good on you for using this forum as a tool to document your progress, share your successes/failures, and give us an entertaining and interactive way to follow your journey.

Wish you all the best man. I live in Scottsdale but I'm out in vegas every few months. Let me buy you a beer next time and lets play some cards. Keep it up, this thread encapsulates what this forum is about.

I really like this! So much potential in avenues outside of poker, glad you are sticking with your passions as you grow and evolve. I'll be along for another year of the ride here in Vegas, good luck with all endeavors!

nice post, Pure! good luck finding the right balance.

Well I can't say I didn't see this post coming for sometime now as you don't post hand histories or really talk about poker all that much. But I also want to thank you for all the time you took to make this many posts and being nice to everyone.

That being said maybe you should take a 1 month break from poker and just play guitar and do art. While I don't get it because I'm in the opposite boat where I don't have enough time to play poker I can imagine after years that it can become tedious and boring at 1/2 and 1/3 or anything you do over and over. I love/hate my job that I have been at for 5 years. It's just repetition and that can feel like torture when you want to do other things.

I would like to challenge you to not play poker at all for a solid month and see if that makes any difference at all. Since you are more at guitar anyway it may be a profit booster.

Also I like your art but it's all kinda the same in terms of patterns. Have you ever tried realism or taking local art classes. They help build fundamentals and can really take your art to the next level. As a child my parents but me in art classes as part of summer programs to keep me busy.
We would practice sketching for at least an hour a day where we would take a table with random objects and sketch them. First only 1 minute sketches 5 of them, then move to a slightly different spot and make 5 more 5 minute sketches. Then make some sketches where you don't look at the paper at all. Then a 20 more utensils sketch then use a different pencil or pen. All this exercises help build strength in your ability to draw more realistic objects. I maybe getting ahead of myself here as you perhaps only want to make your art. But it helped me a ton as a kid and I still draw today so I thought maybe it would help.

No matter what choices you make going forward I think you should be really proud of how far you have come and how much you do. I still enjoy your posts and hope that at least that will continue. Thanks again for all the post Carl.

Taking a long break is a good idea. Maybe it is becoming "job" or maybe you are seeing how you are limited at the lower stakes? Another idea would be learning and playing different games. Omaha, stud, limit, razz, etc. or maybe tournaments? Some people require large amounts of mental stimulation for fulfillment. Maybe take some totally unrelated courses at a local community college like welding, electrician, HVAC, or plumbing? Maybe there is something out there you would really be interested in? Science, math, etc?

Just wanted to say a small thank you for the inspirational story/thread.

Sedona Trip Part 1



Thanks for the replies, I'll try to respond to each comment individually when I get a chance.

Bottom line is I'm still dependent on poker for income. I've already taken plenty of time off, hence the low volume last year. I have to reach into the reserve tank and keep chugging along. I knew getting into poker as a job nothing is guaranteed and there will certainly be times it's tougher than others. It would be naïve to think otherwise.

What's your poker life roll?


Did you ever move to vegas

Come on man at least make an effort to read.

Sedona Trip Part 2

Congrats

Wow!! Will read the whole thread for sure!! But already see u've accomplished ur goals and made it! Congrats!

Mix games always run big. Bankrolls need to be a lot bigger than the typical 1/3 roll.

I think he's going to be spinning his wheels not getting anywhere by stretching so thin. He's going to have to have insane work ethic/ heart to be putting in 80+ hour weeks in order to get anywhere. Not hating at all but if op had that kind of insane work ethic he wouldn't still be grinding 1/3 and having trouble putting the hours in.

I say choose one thing to pursue and go 110% with it. If you need cash before starting then just bust your ass at getting what you need and then go after your goal. Yeah grinding poker and playing guitar 50 hours a week for 6 months instead of doing what you want to do is a drag. But it will give you motivation to never have to grind it again and be successful at whatever it is you want to do.

Outstanding job with the two latest videos of your trip to Arizona. Equally outstanding effort in the marathon. Good to see you heading in a good direction and progressing your form with the videos. It really seems like you are on to the next step in the evolution of Pure Aggression.

Best,

I don't know how much of this falls under tough love as opposed to just advice and thoughts, but hopefully it's helpful either way and not too tough! I know one thing; it's long.

In general, avoiding getting stuck at the lower stakes is largely about volume when you're in trouble with the bankroll. Perhaps trying for a 250 hour month, or 400 hours over two months would get you back in good shape. I know that's rough, but financially it could be the move.

I'd also advise you to have an open mind toward improving your winrates. Unless Vegas 1/2 and 1/3 are way, way tougher than the rest of the country, much higher winrates are possible. The jump from 7 bb/hr to 5.6 bb/hr from 1/2 to 1/3 when 1/3 should be deeper is likely pointing to an area to focus on: deep stacked play. Your winrate should be the same or higher at 1/3, unless there's some weird factor in Vegas that I don't know about. Deep stacked mistakes would also be a reason your 2/5 winrate is lower. Obviously without a lot of hand histories there's no way to say for sure, but it's the first thought I had on what you might want to look into.

I'd also suggest thinking outside the box to an extent. You've been playing for a while, and as people get more experienced they tend to ingrain their views on what is correct for them, what their style of play is, how they think about poker... these things are all tougher and tougher to change as they become habitual. As a result, studying different materials may not help much - you're going to be looking at it through your filter, when you really want to improve/change your filter. Poker is all about changing and evolving your game over time, or getting to the point where you can make all the changes on the fly.

To some extent your experiences with downswings may also be making you more likely to have sustained downswings rather than the other way around. I think this is the case for most people, and I am very careful to try to avoid it myself. It's why you see a lot of new/young players crush it until their first major downswing and never regain the same level of play again. I'd encourage you to take a wide angle lens and look at your play over the years and try to be critical as to what has changed or hasn't changed (and what should have or should not have).

You should also think outside the box... Improve your image at the table to work with your style of play, as well as your meta game. There are a lot of ways you could do this and I think it's worth 1-2 bb/hr for you.

I think a change of scenery can also help a ton. It's one of the first things I suggest to pros who are on a downswing or frustrated with the game - even just a couple weeks playing somewhere that the player pool doesn't know you could be very profitable for you, and also make the game less mundane. Sometimes even a weekend is good enough.

One of the things I've always respected the most about your poker career is your longevity and ability to just keep earning. You're not the flashiest player, you don't have the highest winrates in the world, but my impression has been that you know these things, stick to your strengths, and you've got a long track record of continuing to get the job done... That's a huge positive trait and I think it's something people in poker don't respect enough... But now's your time to use the experience you've gained to try to make the changes you need to your poker game, poker mindset, and overall business mindset for Pure Aggression Inc., to figure out what needs to work for you.

For example, it's easy for me to say go play 400 hours in two months and pad the roll, but if you know that's not possible given your current burnout/fatigue, then you know best.... So use your head, and all of your experience and put together a plan... then execute!

P.S. - Some other things to consider in addition to poker, art and music might be getting a gig as a poker dealer, bartending or waiting tables. They're jobs you could get quickly, could consistently earn at and could have flexible hours and use as a temporary solution - it's no big deal if you quit those jobs after 3-6 months when your roll is in good shape again, in that you can just leave them off the resume if you go for something else in the future. If you're able to make 20/hr playing guitar, that's gotta be better for you right now than 14-17 at poker, right? More fun based on your recent posts about burnout with poker, steadier and more money. Also, if you have ideas/plans related to expanding your art/music and your profits from them, I'd suggest posting them here and bouncing ideas... you never know what might stick from someone!

P.P.S. - If you have any questions about some of my thoughts on poker for you, or whatever, feel free to hit me up.

pure you just gotta pony up and put in the work. you're not going to get out of your situation any time soon without putting in the hours, and having the drive, self discipline and work ethic required to get you where you need to be.

something that helped me which could help you is this: remember that almost all the successful people out there are of average intelligence just like you. variance played a role (not in the ways most people think), but be certain they busted their asses off, they made sacrifices, they worked 2x as hard as the guy sitting next to them etc. You can do all those things. You need to think about discipline, work ethic, drive as a muscle group. If you haven't been exercising them, forcing them to grow of course you're going to be really weak in those areas and obv that's preventing you from what you want in life.

easier said than done i know, but you just gotta put your head down and ****ing do it. you have to put massive amounts of hours, and make big sacrifices if you want to make it at a high level (at anything imo).

alright, you hate playing poker because it's boring af, probably worse than watching paint dry since you've seen all the spots and tells and all the other bs a million times. but you need the money. so pony up and just put the ****ing hours in. dont let the game, or your self beat you, break you, prevent you from getting where you want to be. you gotta brute force it.

i think some of the worst advice out there these days is the "be you, do what you love" garbage which can be interpreted as be lazy af and put the bare min in and you're a loser if you haven't found what you love to do in work. the real advice imo is: do what you're good at, what you have aptitude for, and put in the work and the time to get to an expert level.

dude should be a motivation coach imo

This is best post I have read on 2+2, in very long time!!!!

Well done

I stongly suggest you think about all his points. Expecially the filter part.

I would hit him up on his offer of studying. As different point of view is always enlightening.

I have watched many of your blogs also. Definitely think you can increase your winrate at both 1/2 and 1/3 by changing your "filter".


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Just speaking from experience. Do you know what it took to get out of that similar situation? It took 16 hour days, 6 days a week for an entire year. It took blowing off family, friends, a girl friend, vacations, camping trips, sleep, you name it. I went from a lazy af entitled person into a tank. I developed motivation, drive, self discipline, work ethic to the point where I actually enjoyed the 16 hour grind. It's amazing what you can put your mind and body through, what it can change in you and actually learn to crave for.

The point i'm trying to make is if you want more than the average struggle, the average joe then you better be willing to fight and bleed for it because nobody is going to hand it to you.

Upswinging was actually addicted or at the least obsessed with poker. (My guess, of course). Normally, an addiction is a bad thing. He's turned his into cash, so bravo zulu to him!
The funk we see here, is the same in any job where you start out loving it, then transitioning into comfort and then finally boredom and maybe loathing. (Again, guessing).
I think all of the previous comments are excellent.
You should ask yourself where you want to be in 5, 10, or 20 years. One year goals are nice, but what about the long term?
Do you have/feel a purpose in your life?
Will you have regrets for time/opportunities lost, later in your life?
When you are older you will look back, I hope you find the answers and wish you the best! 😀