if anyone has to wonder why i hate everyone, it's because of these sentences + my brother got a sweet girl with them, and I get none.


you probably already knew all this anyway.



and since Martina is gone, I'll add in the obligatory "you're a fatass"

i haven't had success lately cuz i haven't been on it -- I actually havent' dated in over a year and a half partially because I don't want to, partially because I like doin' my own thing. Starting to get bored though so I'll probably drop 20 lbs in a flurry this year and start sticking it to girls again

but my last match story went like this:

1) see pic/profile, seems normal, probably about a 6 or a 7, average body
2) send emails back and forth for a few days
3) few phone calls too, starting to tell she's sexually charged/wound-up
4) meet in person @ thai restaurant + 3 cocktails or so across the street
5) walk to downtown park on the river to watch boats and ****
6) finger her & end up getting HJ right there on the bench (bike & hiking path 50 ft from us)

2 days go by

7) comes over and more or less rapes me

1 month of this goes by, every few nights

8) I break up with her cuz some other dumb chick I had been chasing for a while started showing interest (it's a tarp!)

8 months go by

9) cyber-stalking of nympho chick reveals she recently had a kid
10) i do some math and suddenly flip out
11) realize math was wrong, i'm in the clear
12) O_o @ the fact that I was banging a preggo chick and neither of us knew it
13) crisis averted

i woulda gone back to the well again if the kid wasn't in the picture, she was a 6 or a 7 but her sexual prowess made her an 8 or 9

pics plz




so, in a karmic twist of a Shyamalanian proportions, about 15 minutes after i get done bitching about my brother, see post above.

some random girl i dated last year sends me an AIM, and now wants to hang out.

"too bad. I was hoping maybe we could plan a late night of movies and catching up

if you're single that is"



orly

sexy time it is

no pics available from back then, this was like 3 years ago

now all she has on her FB are pics of her kid, wtf who cares

btw there have been approximately 4 movies watched in their entirety in the history of mankind whenever a chick says "let's plan a late night of movies and catching up"

Can anyone give me money on stars or tilt for money on AP? pm me. only like 100 or so

Nice hand. You run goot.

I'd say there is a bit more than 4.

And, I hate when all they do is post pics of their kid, you're right, who the **** does really care? No one..

I dated a chick a few years ago and now she has twins or something and is married, like wtf!

in my experience, anytime a chick says "lets watch some movies, i'll bring the wine", that's her not-slutty way of saying "bang the **** out of me"

i can DVN

i am leaving within the hour, but PM your name/screenname and ill transfer 100 withu

Is it a good sign that ILP hasn't posted a TR yet?

he sent me a text update at like 9pm, but i will let him tell the story if he wants

$25 to your favorite poker site to anyone who can track down the original booty meat

TR hasn't come yet cause I stayed up really late and then had to go work at my pseudo-job and after that I went to see Avatar with a friend. Here is the TR:

Well the first good thing is she showed up. Around 5% of the time you get stood up in this business so that's something that's always on my mind. As far as the date, I think I performed very poorly which I would say is not characteristic of me given that I've been on 100-200 blind/online dates over the last 11 years. At this point, I should know what the hell I'm doing by now. And usually I'm very calm and relaxed and everything flows very well, but for some reason I was nervous as hell. I kept talking about boring subjects for too long, I wasn't even attempting to be humorous, and I kept saying "you know" after almost all my sentences. It was bad. I felt like I was in high school all over again. I don't know if this was because I'm rusty (This has only been my second date since the breakup), or if I was just intimidated by this girl. I think it was mostly the latter.

I mean to me at least, this girl was gorgeous. She had the face of an angel with unbelievable soft, tight skin. One of my friends coined the term "dolphin skin" to describe this feature and I think it fits perfectly. You could really tell this girl was 21. She had a beautiful smile and these mesmerizing deep blue eyes that I would get completely lost in if I looked at them too long. I think her eyes may have been what rattled me the most. Her body was perfect too. I would guess she had small C-cups which I think is close to optimal and her ass was nice and tight like one made in 1988 should be.

Whenever she was talking it was hard to listen to her because a constant barrage of intrusive thoughts kept attacking my mind. "You don't deserve this girl" "She's so out of your league." "God I would give anything to hold her." "I wonder if she shaves down there." etc. Well anyways, the standard procedure on these dates is we part ways when dinner is over and we then email each other later if we're still interested. That's the way I almost always set things up. If the girl wants to do something beyond that, it's her call. Well after about an hour, we got to talking about movies and I mentioned Slumdog Millionaire saying I thought it was good, and she had never seen it. Then she says, "Lets go see it." And I was like, "Tonight?" and she said, "Sure.". At this point I'm thinking, "OMFG I don't know why or how but this girl actually likes me, please do not f**k this up."

Then she's like, "Lets go to your place." My first thought was, "Oh ****, my room's a mess and there's pubes all over the bathroom floor because I tried cutting some of my manbush for the first time in my life the other day. My sheets also haven't been changed in over a month and now they smell weird. Basically I'm a complete idiot because I should've prepared for this possibility ahead of time, but I really never thought it would get this far. The odds of her liking me were already very low. Combine that with the low probability of her liking me and wanting to go to my house after dinner and then we're getting asymptotically close to zero. That said, nothing justifies me not being ready for this infinitesimal opportunity. Anyways, I told her my room's a mess but I'll clean it very quickly, but then she said, "Well if you want we can just go to my place and watch it." Inside, I was like, "Thank God! Crisis averted and never again will I be this ill-prepared!"

So we got the movie and went to her apartment. We started watching the movie on her couch and she immediately leans her body against mine. This was very exciting to me. We barely know each other and she's already initiating physical contact. This doesn't happen to me very often. At this point, I knew I had to make a move before the night was over. Her gesture was an invitation and I can't ignore it. I decided I wouldn't do anything big during the movie since she had never seen it before, but I did do something. About an hour into the movie I started holding her hands and gently caressing them along with her arms. She was very receptive to this as she started to do the same thing to me.

After the movie, we talked a little, while we we're still holding hands, and then there was a lull in the conversation. At this point, I was like, f**k it, I'm going for a kiss. Before I could even reach her lips, she aggressively grabbed me to pull me closer to her and we started making out. My swashbuckling hands ventured all over her body and she never pushed them away. It quickly became clear that she would let me touch her wherever I wanted. After some heavy petting and sensuous neck/stomach kissing, I unbuttoned her bra and went to work on sucking and kissing the best looking breasts I have ever seen. It was at this point I knew, I'm gonna have sex tonight. I couldn't believe it. It was a wonderful euphoric feeling. I still couldn't understand why this was happening so quick. Maybe she was just really lonely and horny and I just happened to meet her at the exact right time. I quickly pushed such musings out of my mind. This wasn't the time to be analytical.

So several minutes after I was sucking on her amazingly taut titties, she said the magic words, "Let's go to my bed." My heart almost burst out of my chest. I felt like one of the luckiest men in the world. Once in her room, I quickly pulled off her pants as she was laying on the bed, and then I got to enjoy one of my favorite experiences: Pulling the panties off a girl for the very first time. Nothing beats that. The pussy was perfectly shaved, and I promptly went to work kissing, sucking and licking that pussy as best I could.

As I was going down on her, I thought to myself, "I wonder if my skills are even remotely as good as Palo's on this?" All I knew for sure was I was going to do the best job I could. I would not fail this audition. I was down there a very long time, licking pussy, licking ass, licking everything. I wanted this girl to know exactly how I felt about her. After that she pulled me up and we made passionate love.

I'm not sure how well I did in this department because I was a little off my game. For one, I had to take a massive sh*t, and two, I had already beat off earlier in the day (more poor planning on my part). But I think it went well. The pussy was tight as hell, and I lasted as long as she wanted me to last and then I sprayed my love juice all over her back. Afterwards, we cuddled and I lightly touched her all over until we both feel asleep. I woke up two hours later at around 5am and went home to try to get some decent sleep before work. I hugged her and kissed her good bye.

We talked on the phone tonight, and we made plans to play some Nintendo Wii at my place tomorrow. I think it's safe to say I officially have a new girlfriend now.

****! It's gone?! If you can't find it, I doubt I can.

woooo... I always thought cereus is a poker platform and never clicked this threat.

now beeing here by accident I realized that "Official Cereus Reg" must be a code for "Official dating strategy discussion threat".

will def read this in the next few days.

Nicely written TR.

Manbush made me el oh el. You need to trim that **** up regularly man. In a relationship or not.

Best part was "I wonder if my skills are even remotely as good as Palo's on this?"

Is it strange that you got to **** her the first night? Is that a good sign or a bad sign? I guess for you it's good cause you want sweet sweet love to this amazing chick. I'm glad you got yourself a nice pretty girl. Sometimes we get lucky!

I agree, that pulling the panties off a girl for the first time is probably the most awesome thing ever.

Sick read.

ILP - 1
HIP - 1

Being born in the 70's, it's hard for me to understand that this is even important, but I'm starting to come around. The black girl I was dating used to bug me about this, saying it was a jungle down there. I just don't feel comfortable with sharp objects around that area. Luckily thanx to pure boredom, I got over that fear and cut 70% of the hair off. When you say trim regularly, how often is regularly?

I would definitely pay Palo for some good coaching in this area, as long as I could see some live demonstrations.

It is very strange to me. With most girls I **** the first night , I see it coming from a mile away. This girl had that sweet innocent look to her face and there was no sex vibe at all during dinner. She mostly talked about how she loves helping needy children and how she hopes to have a job in that type of field.

I would say the faster a girl puts out the better. I like the idea of a girl wanting to **** me really bad. I don't mind if that implies she wants to **** anything really bad.

Yeah I can't wait to have sex with her tomorrow. I always enjoy the 2nd time better than the first, mostly because the first time around I'm usually too focused and stressed about doing everything right instead of just enjoying the moment.

Yeah, I think this girl is the hottest I've been with so far although she does have some huge character flaws: 1) "Crash" is one of her favorite movies. 2) She likes country music. 3) She hates South Park and Family Guy.

On my deathbed someday, these will be the images that flash through my mind. I have forgotten the names of many of the girls I've slept with but I'll never forget any of those precious panty-pulling-off moments.

Seriously, what are the odds of me and you both banging new chicks on the exact same day. This permutation will never happen again.

Ok here's a pic. I really don't think it does her justice though. She looks even better in real life. (The baby is not hers. She's a nanny) Insults are welcome.

twins?









i think its awesome we both got a new girl on the same day. i just go back to your analogy of a girl biting the hook with no bait.

along that parallel, my fish just jumped into the boat with no line in the water

Match made in heaven imo.

does she know you are older than dirt?

She's a 1 (binary scale,ldo). I have a friend who kind of looks like her.

there is no way that girl is a 9, sorry.