Hello,

The apathy that I developed towards fun and excitement turned around and now I'm as excited as ever to be alive. The real life stuff that was consuming me is finally coming to an end. Everyone is alive and well. I didn't have any booze for a long time and I think it helped. I've had a shot or two over the past week but haven't actually been drunk since Christmas. Winter was uneventful, except for a ski weekend in Vermont at Stowe. I never got the basketball coaching gig that I was going for, but it's cool.

Of course there has been much more to life than I can fit in a properly short update post. I celebrated my 37th birthday in February with some family at Mohegan Sun. Played a fun mix of games but didn't set foot in the poker room. Got a big smile from a cute blackjack dealer when I approached her open table and noticed that it was $100 minimum bet. I said, "oh **** $100 min? thanks anyways." and I continued on my way.

I've once again found the thrill of competition to be a prime motivator. I decided to get premium membership to sealsclubhouse.com, which tracks tourneys at swcpoker and only cost about 15 bucks. It confirmed my suspicions that I have a small edge on the competition and that I have some homework to do against the good opponents, one of which seems to be running super hot vs me. I have a small, yet positive return on investment percentage of 8.6 over 650 multi table tourneys, but I'm in the middle of a long breakeven stretch of over 400 tourneys. I could blame this or that but it wouldn't do any good.

So I'm still gamestarting limit holdem a lot but I don't get anywhere near as much action as I did when I was an unknown. Once in a while we get a multiway game going but it's sporadic at best.

At the moment I'm just happy that things in real life are getting back to normal and everyone is safe and doing well. Poker is once again fun for me and I still get excited when I'm in a big pot just like I did over 16 years ago when I won my first homegame tourney.

Hope everyone is doing well.

It's good to hear you're doing well.

Great news!!!

As you can see, you are not alone. Everyone has their issues. Everyone has their ups and downs. The key is to empty all of the bad stuff out of your mind before trying to load the good stuff. This is similar to getting rid of all viruses before loading new software onto a computer. I think meditation is the best way to empty the mind.

I'm currently in a situation were I can play great and win for weeks but then have one bad session and feel like quitting. It's completely irrational. I know I'm a winner, but I will not feel like playing or studying for days or weeks. Part of my lack of motivation comes from not having the bankroll to play the limit I normally play. This is due to some good things(fixing up my house and getting it ready to sell) and some bad things(family and friend obligations). I will have plenty of money once I sell my house. The problem is I keep using this as an excuse not to play now.

Ultimately it comes down to the stories you tell yourself and others. It's very important to be aware of what you are thinking. If you tell yourself something enough your subconscience will take that as the truth and create into reality.

I'm happy to here your doing well! Keep up with it. The mind is like a muscle which needs to be exercised on a daily basis.