When you're up to it, I'd recommend going to the local park and taking walks. Get out and smell the roses as they say. I also like the above idea of playing video games from time to time, because it can be very fun and serve as a substitute for poker.

Thanks for the advice. I'll continue to avoid live poker, and probably take a break from online too. I do love the game, even though I am a lifetime loser. I lost a lot of money online back in the day, mainly because of poor play because I was tilted. Today, I am not titled, but people can read me easily. Maybe I can read a good poker book. I feel like if people are close enough psychically they can read my thoughts even online(thought broadcasting)if they are within a mile. If they were my neighbor, they would know what I have because I say in my mind what hand I have. I also think sometimes the birds can transmit my hand through chirping to other birds and through their minds- I don't have any concrete evidence of this yet though. I was able to cash in a $100 100k gtd on black chip poker last week, 50/1000 for $350. I was close to scoring huge. However, I agree that taking a break is a good idea. I can't wait until the day when I can come back and play competitive poker. I do feel I am smart enough to almost overcome this huge "disability", people do say I am smart and I was a decent student in school. I have a college degree and should be way ahead of where I'm at if it wasn't for alcohol/drugs and some unrestricted gambling. I think if I had a girlfriend and less anxiety things would be going much better.

My mental health is in bad shape, but I can testify that staying clean/sober helps a lot. I was diagnosed paranoid schizo in 2005, and have almost always been a little proud to have the disease. I feel it makes me unique and I am going through something not a lot of people do. I feel like one day it will be good for me. But I also wouldn't wish the disease on just anyone. I've been through a lot of hell(overnight stays in jails, rehabs, psych wards). I have a supportive family and circle of friends who care about me and want to see me succeed. I have a good job, solid income, and a lot of positive things in my life right now. I definitely need a new hobby for now though.

Your inner monologue is your own and nobody else's. Once you truly believe this fact, you will be much better off.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

-Gandhi

I can tell you people can read my thoughts.
I think you are a troll although many people say the same thing.

I have to actively differentiate between what I think, what I know, and what I believe. If I don't then I get all mixed up. I'm sorry that you think I'm a troll. It makes me sad to hear that because I'm really trying to help you.

Maybe you're not. I just wanted to use the term. But I guess the only way to determine if my thoughts are being read is to play and see how I do. However, I am going to try and take a break one day at a time.

Bob, I find it odd that you wouldn't tell OP that you live with the same condition. It seems like he might take you more seriously if you did. Maybe you have upthread and OP and I have forgotten.

That's true rodeo. I never explicitly stated to -evlife that I'm schizophrenic and about 95% recovered, imo. I have many hours logged dealing with depression and psychotic thoughts and thus I consider myself a budding expert at dealing with it. I'm also on somewhat of a personal crusade to change the world one conversation at a time. However I try not to flood the forums with it, no matter how much I want to. It's no coincidence that just today, since it's mental health awareness month of course, I saw a post on facebook that my friend shared. It was this video, which I will let speak for itself. Since this is kind of important to me I would like to request that the powers that be may embed a video in this post. Here's a link to the video, which I'm not sure is going to work:

https://www.facebook.com/attn/videos/1391599620875493/

cheers.

Stratego has a lot to offer for someone who wants a substitute to poker. You can play for free online, and it's a game of position, risk, and bluff. It will keep your mind sharp.

I can't imagine what OP is going through, but I would suggest this.

If you are going to play poker at all, for now, don't try to "beat" it. Just play at a very low limit (where the low stakes may calm your nerves, as it is much harder to stay calm when there's a gigantic dollar amount to be won and lost) and try to play WELL. The game may actually be too much of a raketrap to beat. it's OK.

And then focus on your decisions. Forget about whether the other players can read you. Just think in terms of "what should I do in this situation". And apply everything you have learned from 2+2.

So, for instance, if you are supposed to semi-bluff a flush draw in a particular spot, just do it. If they can read you and put you on the flush draw, fine. Doesn't matter. Just focus on making the proper play.

The reason for this is because you are going to find when you do this that physical tells are actually not a big part of poker. I give off tons of physical tells. Everyone who has ever played against me knows it. And yet, at the very least I'm pretty much not someone that anyone in a typical 20-40 or 8-16 game is ever going to make any money playing against, and anyone who is not a very good player is probably losing to me.

If you are making mathematically sound plays, the physical tell only, at the most, prevents you from getting paid off or causes you to get called on the river. That's it. One bet. All the bets you put in on previous streets, based on math-- well, as long as you are better at math than your opponents are, you are going to be profiting on all those bets long term.

As you improve your play, I think you will realize more and more that the physical tells don't matter so much, and that will help you relax. And at that point you can move up out of the raketraps and play a game you might be able to beat.

Playing in these conditions is like golfing in a hailstorm, in my humble opinion.

I think you'll feel up to it in time, but for now it's way too much to ask for you to play your best. If you can't play your best because of thoughts that you are not able to interpret, thoughts that seem to contradict themselves, thoughts that seem crazy, or thoughts that are overwhelmingly negative. Don't play until you're ready to play, imho. Put yourself in the best position possible for future mental health, and poker is still going to be there. If you can't live without poker, it's likely that you can't live with it either.

my friend you must win some of the time when you play, right? So when you catch top set on flop and improve to a boat by turn and board doesn't pair and no flush is out there and you bet it all the way and scope pot.....IF, they can read your mind....why didn't they fold??? Good luck brother!

Thanks so much everyone for the responses. Does anyone have any good book suggestions? I think I'm going to break for a little longer and then when return stick to live low limit and 1cent2cent online with the occasional $100 100k gtd. being that I've had some success with it. Hopefully my mental health will continue to improve maybe going to try something new and my psychiatrist is leaving she was a college student?

I think I speak for everyone when I say you're welcome. It takes some courage, moxie, balls, whatever you call it where you're from. You got it.

Good luck.

Maybe you'll like articles by Barry Tanenbaum and Roy Cooke

http://www.cardplayer.com/authors/124-barry-tanenbaum
http://www.cardplayer.com/authors/19-roy-cooke

i had saved most of their articles before they made it for money. But i think you can take 7-days trial and do the same.