Open Side Menu Go to the Top
Register
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr)

11-14-2011 , 10:09 PM
I would attempt to rekindle old friendships as a place to start. Even just chatting with old high school acquaintances about what they are doing in life can be great.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-14-2011 , 10:41 PM
good luck
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-14-2011 , 11:00 PM
roflcopter Vikes.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-15-2011 , 12:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doorbread
I don't really have friends. If I did going outside would be easier.
If you aren't naturally a gregarious personality then you will have to work on it - it won't just happen. Realistically you aren't going to increase your social relationships by going to the bar, etc. type scenes (even though practically i realize you couldn't do this anyways as you are underage). Do you have any hobbies? Do you like sports? If you don't, are there any hobbies in which remotely appeal to you? What about volunteering?

The best way to improve your social life is to put yourself in a situation where you will be able to naturally converse/interact with as little awkwardness/instigation needed on your behalf. That doesn't mean going to the gym (i think going to the gym is very important but not as a means to increasing your sociality) - if you aren't outgoing you simply aren't going to pick up friends in a environment where it isn't naturally going to happen. All that is likely to happen is that you will become a spectator in a social environment (only marginally better than being locked up in your house).

My advise

- Get a job, even if just temporarily. Working for $10/hr will help you to appreciate the enormity of the money that you play for even in midstakes (which it often doesn't feel like) and it will give you a steady income and most importantly it will (although depending on the job) put in you regular contact with people in an environment that is typically about as easy as you get to make friends. Furthermore, if you just work part-time, it shouldn't significantly cut into time spent playing poker if you so choose to continue pursing that. If you don't get a job, look at volunteering. Again, an easy way to get connected with a group of people in a casual, easy-to-interact environment

- Look at applying to a community college. Personally I wouldn't rush this. I've done undergrad/postgrad and have vastly changed my idea of what i wanted to do for a career after each one. School isn't something you should rush into "just because". But you need a long term plan and given the volatility of poker I don't think you should plan anything semi-permanent around playing poker for more than a few years and you will need an education of some sort (trade, uni/community college, etc.)

- Find some hobbies and join some clubs. If you go to college make sure to join clubs. A shy person isn't going to rock up to uni and end the year with 100 friends - find something you enjoy and engage with others that enjoy the same things.

-Look at renegotiating the terms of your stake. As others have said I don't think you should walk away from the stake given what I understand of the circumstances surrounding the stake. But at the same time it is ridiculous to try to win 300 buy ins with no income when you presumably only lost something like 100 buy ins initially on the stake. I think somebody mentioned a deal like 50-25-25 with 25 to the stake and 25 to you for living expenses, etc. If they can't stake you higher then I'd look at trying to change MU into a buy-in - based system where maybe you have to win back 1.5x as many buy ins as you lost (so if you lost 100 buy ins you are now 150 buy ins in MU so 30k if they don't up the stake) - I don't stake so practically probably a poor idea but putting yourself in a situation where you have to slave for 6 months to just get back to even while being broke the entire time is a very daunting task and can't be healthy.

And if you do continue to play poker - you really need to reevaluate what you want out of it. To be the best at a game like poker, where you have a bunch of intelligent, talented and super-motivated, requires living an unbalanced and slightly (and often far more than that) obsessive life. Some people can deal with this and some can't. Personally, if i put in the hours of study/play that some of the top players put in I actually feel I would have a realistic shot at beating high/nosebleeds. But I actually don't know if I could give such a level of commitment to a game as volatile as poker. I sure as hell know that I couldn't be happy doing so. And thus, for me, I have decided that I would rather sacrifice a chance of being "great" in poker for the sake of a more balanced, happier life. Ultimately it is only money - it can never make you happy.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-15-2011 , 03:28 AM
This thread is one of the greatest on 2p2. It shows that some of the best poker players on the net have great hearts when one of their one is hurting.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-15-2011 , 06:16 AM
Re: volunteering possibility (maybe bring a family member?). Think it could help with several things to try out someting like this.

http://www.volunteercentersn.org/pro...e,specialevent

''HONV Projects - These are projects managed by HandsOn Nevada. You are making a one-time commitment to attend a one to three hour project that will be managed by a HONV volunteer Project Leader to ensure you have a fun, meaningful volunteer experience. Typically they take place in the evenings and weekends.''
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-15-2011 , 12:05 PM
+1 to Volunteering... I did quite a bit at Habitat for Humanity, and it was an extremely rewarding experience.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-15-2011 , 02:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doorbread
I don't really have friends. If I did going outside would be easier.
Its important to realise this isnt a fatality, and certainly doesnt have to be a permanent state.

Start off with small interactions, be kind and smile while keeping in my mind building true friendships takes time, and things will work out for you over time.

GL man
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-15-2011 , 03:26 PM
DB, sorry to hear you are going through this.

It's obvious that are you have developed enough skill at poker that it can be asset for you going forward in some capacity. In the past, your lack of BR management caused poker to end up doing more harm than good for you. I think what you really need to assess is your ability to control your weaknesses in these areas moving forward and try to learn from your mistakes. Realize that simply by grinding 1/2 and 2/4 and putting your aspirations on hold to take on challenging players for a few years, you can take control of your life in a very positive way.

If you do continue playing poker, it needs to in a framework that is beneifical to your life on the whole. Being disciplined and grinding out lower stakes for a while, you can pay your backers back, save up some money and go to school, and get yourself on solid and less stressful life path. I also felt like playing poker made it easier for me to make friends in college, because young people think poker making money from poker is cool. It sounds like it would really be good for you to make some new friends and meet people outside of the poker world. You just need to temper your huge aspirations and allow your poker knowledge to be an asset to your life in order to stabilize it.

Also try to define yourself less through poker. It's hard as a young person because it's such a large part of your life, and that's why going to school and having other interests and friendships that take up your time will make poker less of an all consuming investment for you hopefully. And there's tons of good advice in this thread and you seem like a bright guy so hopefully there is enough for you to get back on your feet.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-15-2011 , 06:21 PM
Quote:
+1 to Volunteering... I did quite a bit at Habitat for Humanity, and it was an extremely rewarding experience.
I wish I had thought of this. The opportunities for doing volunteer work are endless - Habitat, a food bank, whatever. You will make friends, you will be "out", and you'll get some perspective, i.e. you'll meet people who would swap places with you ($60K MU and all) at the drop of a hat. You'll also feel incredibly good about yourself, which is invaluable.

And thank you to those showing sense about SSRIs. Those drugs save people's lives.

DB, save this thread as a Word file, re-read it, then go, and do.

Regards, Lee

P.S. Thanks to superstars such as Phil and Brian for stepping in here; that was extremely generous of you and likely sent a powerful message.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-16-2011 , 07:34 AM
Not sure if it was mentioned, but you could think about getting a pet.
it obviously doesnt replace friends but imo it can still cheer you up if you´re having a particulary bad day.

Im also fairly sure you can make friends if you make an effort, its not like your an unlikeable person or something.
In fact, i always thought of you as one of the coolest people on 2+2. You´re smart, always willing to help, and never a douchebag.
Just look at this thread, it says alot about how much people respect you as a person, and i dont see why it couldnt be like that irl.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-19-2011 , 12:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 50khands@400-600
It will only hinder your progress if you constantly have this sense of entitlement in the back of your mind where you "should be up 500k". You aren't, it sucks, but that is the reality. You need to forget about where you were and forge a new path.
this is pretty much a spot on mindset for "getting over" downswings and badbeats and not tilting. its very hard to not think of where you were at your peak. but the fact is, you're not there now, you're where you are. your roll is not $500k, its $20k, so you start from $20k with your eyes on making $21k.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dlpnyc21
One thing that I haven't seen mentioned heavily that you can do immediately is read. Read whatever interests you, fiction, non-fiction, anything that will challenge you and hold your attention. You can lose yourself in books, and improve your mind in ways that you might not be able to do right now given your psychological issues.
fiction is pretty relaxing for me. dont read self help thats for sure
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-21-2011 , 02:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadScientist
This thread is one of the greatest on 2p2. It shows that some of the best poker players on the net have great hearts when one of their one is hurting.
+1
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-21-2011 , 03:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doorbread
I don't really have friends. If I did going outside would be easier.
Hi Doorbread, I talked to you on the phone once!

I'm hoping someone who has experience in having to develop a social circle later in life can chime in and offer thoughts on this issue because it affects me as well. I'm 23, dropped out of college at 18 to do other things that ultimately failed. I have a pretty good job now and up until Black Friday I was playing poker nearly full time. I had a less than stellar upbringing and was far from popular in high school, and since then making friends is a challenge. I have a few hobbies, am in touch with popular culture, TV, sports, etc. and am pretty easy to get along with. I try to connect with my peers by attending social activities that I'm invited to, but I always feel out of place and it makes me very uncomfortable. I go out to bars with what few friends I have about once a month, but it's not really a friend-making venture to me. I wouldn't really call it anxiety because the thought of getting into social situations makes me happy, but once I'm there I never feel like I share commonalities with people even though I'm positive I do.

I honestly feel like I'm going to be stuck forever having acquaintances who contact me occasionally but never become good friends with me because I simply don't know how to make friends without coming off as needy. Girls notice this too; I'm fun and challenging at first but once they find out that with the exception of about five friends and a bunch of poker buddies I have no social life, they lose interest. I feel like if I went back to school I could make friends etc. but I don't qualify for any financial aid and I can't afford to put myself through school. I'm also very wishy-washy and indecisive with regards to career/life choices. I was a month away from moving abroad to play poker and then decided against it, and I fear that if I quit my current job to go back to school I won't stick with it and will be put in an even worse spot.

Right now I'd like to get away from poker completely and do other things in life but I don't know where to start. I printed out JMans epic post and have read it a few times for ideas, and have even gotten around to do things like getting on a workout program and going out more just for the sake of being out. But I'm mostly unhappy and usually the only thing that gives me hope is interaction at work. When I get home I end up on 2+2 or putting in a session on Merge. It seems like I'm completely consumed by the game and the lifestyle; not the allure of money and freedom, but just being around it all the time for a few years has sort of locked me in and I can't get away. Part of the reason I didn't move abroad was because I'd be even more focused on poker than I am now, and I already feel like it's an unhealthy use of my time, but again I don't know how to get into other things because nothing I've found stimulates my mind and emotions quite like poker does. I feel like I've made literally zero progress in my life since high school and I think it's time I get some help.

Last edited by CBorders; 11-21-2011 at 04:03 PM.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-21-2011 , 04:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivev
Not sure if it was mentioned, but you could think about getting a pet.
This is bad advice. A pet is awesome short term, but doorbread is not stable enough to take care of another living animal, he can barely take care of himself. Not to mention he's probably likely to change houses and maybe travel within the next few years. Maybe some sea monkeys could give his life new meaning though
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-21-2011 , 06:50 PM
Update DB? How've you been doing? What've you been up to?
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-21-2011 , 08:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by CBorders
Hi Doorbread, I talked to you on the phone once!

I'm hoping someone who has experience in having to develop a social circle later in life can chime in and offer thoughts on this issue because it affects me as well. I'm 23, dropped out of college at 18 to do other things that ultimately failed. I have a pretty good job now and up until Black Friday I was playing poker nearly full time. I had a less than stellar upbringing and was far from popular in high school, and since then making friends is a challenge. I have a few hobbies, am in touch with popular culture, TV, sports, etc. and am pretty easy to get along with. I try to connect with my peers by attending social activities that I'm invited to, but I always feel out of place and it makes me very uncomfortable. I go out to bars with what few friends I have about once a month, but it's not really a friend-making venture to me. I wouldn't really call it anxiety because the thought of getting into social situations makes me happy, but once I'm there I never feel like I share commonalities with people even though I'm positive I do.

I honestly feel like I'm going to be stuck forever having acquaintances who contact me occasionally but never become good friends with me because I simply don't know how to make friends without coming off as needy. Girls notice this too; I'm fun and challenging at first but once they find out that with the exception of about five friends and a bunch of poker buddies I have no social life, they lose interest. I feel like if I went back to school I could make friends etc. but I don't qualify for any financial aid and I can't afford to put myself through school. I'm also very wishy-washy and indecisive with regards to career/life choices. I was a month away from moving abroad to play poker and then decided against it, and I fear that if I quit my current job to go back to school I won't stick with it and will be put in an even worse spot.

Right now I'd like to get away from poker completely and do other things in life but I don't know where to start. I printed out JMans epic post and have read it a few times for ideas, and have even gotten around to do things like getting on a workout program and going out more just for the sake of being out. But I'm mostly unhappy and usually the only thing that gives me hope is interaction at work. When I get home I end up on 2+2 or putting in a session on Merge. It seems like I'm completely consumed by the game and the lifestyle; not the allure of money and freedom, but just being around it all the time for a few years has sort of locked me in and I can't get away. Part of the reason I didn't move abroad was because I'd be even more focused on poker than I am now, and I already feel like it's an unhealthy use of my time, but again I don't know how to get into other things because nothing I've found stimulates my mind and emotions quite like poker does. I feel like I've made literally zero progress in my life since high school and I think it's time I get some help.
You should find a sport/ activity to do that will put you in touch with people that have similar interests. It doesn't have to replace poker / 2+2, just take back some of that time, maybe giving you somewhere to go after work on some nights of the week.

It is clear enough that you don't want to play poker and don't know how to stop because there will be a poker shaped hole. Maybe a self ban or something ?
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 12:00 AM
I'm into skateboarding. That's where most of my new acquaintances come from.

Also I'm kinda like Doorbread in that I'm in makeup. I feel guilty about leaving the deal in makeup. I understand it's acceptable to stop playing completely but I'm in makeup because i borrowed money once and took shots at some live tournaments (hotels included in deal). I also feel a lack of validation in that I've played thousands of tournaments over the years and came so close to scores that would make me happy with the time and effort I put into this, yet I never got what I wanted. I understand that part of the risk is not getting the reward, that I could have worked harder and game selected better etc. but understanding those things doesn't make giving up easier.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 04:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roy
Update DB? How've you been doing? What've you been up to?
First of all thanks to everyone who's taken the time to post in this thread or send me a message and I apologize if I haven't replied. I dislike talking about this as good as it feels to let it all out somewhere.

All in all I'm pretty much the same me I was when I posted this thread. I made the thread expecting to get good advice and not being ready to start on my end and get the ball rolling. My backers put 5k into an account a few days ago and told me to play 2/2 for awhile and I have put in a few short sessions. As much as everyone has said poker is a bad idea it makes me feel good when I play and afterwards when I review my session and realize that I don't totally suck. There's only 25k hands left in the stake and I'm dreading the conversation I'm going to have to have with them.

I've made a Merge account and would like to know if anyone around has a BoA / Merge along with moneybookers or some other e-wallets so I can collect 2.4k I'm owed from students as well as possible future payments. I'd be willing to pay a vig for this service. I'm comfortable enough to talk and think about poker with someone to coach so I'd like to start again (at lower rates than my previous $600/hr). It would be good for me and the money could help my mom out. She's gotten a 2nd job on top of working full time and I feel horrible just laying around all day when she works 6 days a week.

I don't think people understand how difficult it is for me to physically leave my home. It's unlikely if I'll join my family for Thanksgiving being that non-immediate family will be there. I'm totally afraid of people in my current state and I don't know how that's gonna change in the near future. I fear that people see in me what I see in myself so I can't allow myself to be seen by people. I can't get over this hump without help, but I'm too afraid to ask.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 09:41 AM
If you were to separarate your emotional and logical side perfectly in answering this question, how do you think you will get over this issue of yours?
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 12:06 PM
Can you invite someone over instead of going out? Any 2+2ers live near by? Might make it easier to get out afterwards...

Also, I think Thanksgiving with your family would be awesome, just make something up to satisfy the curiosity of the distant relatives.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 03:12 PM
once u make those small steps and do things you fear you will fear them less over time. Thats the only way to do it. Or you can drug your emotions into submission. But there is no way things get better without taking action. You cant create a different point of view on things sitting at home and hoping that will fix it, you gotta jump into the action.

And when you are sitting at home your mind is probably making up a 100 excuses not to do those thing, and they all make sense. Just know that the people giving advice (jman in particular) here are right , and you actually need to do those things you hate, and you will like them over time.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 06:35 PM
Everything else aside, I think you really need to see a professional about the leaving the house issue. That comes first. I'm not sure how to make that possible without leaving the house, maybe there is some service where someone can come to you? Not sure if that would be more or less comfortable for you but it's an idea.

Regarding payment and getting money off merge, I would read the transfer threads (one in HSNL and one in Internet Poker) as well as the Marketplace as there are all sorts of ways people are coming up with to get money off there.

Last edited by Roy; 11-22-2011 at 06:40 PM. Reason: added links
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 06:38 PM
This was the first thread I opened in the Marketplace > Gift Cards forum:

Quote:
Originally Posted by depechbnkn
for Green Dot, Amazon, Netspend and Bank Wire

will do trades from ten dollars to ten thousand

Five year merge reg

10 plus trades last two months on 2+2

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...stcount=107115

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...stcount=107120
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/15...inted-1124375/

If he can send you a bank wire for merge money then that seems ideal. I don't know what his rates or vig are if any, but I recommend looking around more and checking some of the other threads to see what kind of best deal you can get (and preferably set up some sort of long-running agreement where you have students send money to him online and he ships it to your bank).
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote
11-22-2011 , 08:42 PM
Great thread. 2p2 have really rallied and there are tonnes of amazing, well thought through posts and lots of very good advice!

Unfortunately I have little to add on top of what has already been said, and i don't feel qualified to give any advice given my limited experiences in life and poker thus far.

I'd just like to wish the very best of luck to Doorbread and all others struggling in this community.
Getting my Groove Back (tl;dr) Quote

      
m