im very grateful you helped me when you didnt have to. you are a nice person

dont know much about depression besides that it is real and can get very bad.

may the run good be with you.

heh, pretty obvious that urubu has a way bigger problem than db

db is busto and is depressed, it is possible that he may self-destruct if he gets balla money again but since that's like worrying about a starving Ethiopian's cholesterol levels. I'd like to think he is able to get himself a healthier mentality.

Just to clarify thing regarding my backing situation. I've never played stakes I wasn't told not to play in or tested myself against good regs for the sake of dickswinging while under my stake. It was made clear that I was to be the guy everyone hates who sits across all stakes possible casting his line and hoping for a bite while picking my spots at 6m tables. My downfall was ultimately stop loss. Waiting for a fish at 10/20 all day and not being able to assess my mentality honestly is not something I'm good at.

I wouldn't say that I'm addicted to poker or gambling. I don't indulge in any other forms of gambling (they aren't as easily accessible for me tho : S ). I have played poker for two weeks in the last 5 or so months of my life. My sense of self worth is / was HEAVILY influenced by what I thought of myself as a poker player because quite frankly, idk how to do anything else. <<< Red light that I need other things in my life and should go to college.

I highly recommend watching this speech (not just for DB, everyone should watch it):





There are 5 parts total, if you want to find the last 3 it's easy enough on youtube.

I disagree with you, but I think he's addicted to poker. People will think that's stupid because poker IS gambling, but I think some people are addicted to poker in other ways than just the gamble. My closest poker friend is 10x the player I am, but has less because he's like DB, but I know he isn't a 'gambling addict', he doesn't like table games, he doesn't get a thrill out of getting it in to flip etc. He is 100% addicted to poker though.

There are just so many things to be addicted to in poker. Competing, the 'pipe dream' of being the best PA/Ivey/Isildur/whoever, bla bla.

Not sure how much of a difference it makes in how destructive it would be for DB to pursue poker. I think a poker addiction is easier to kick than a straight gambling addiction and I also think it's easier to cure poor bankroll management issues if you're not taking shots just 'to gamble'

I dunno, sorry that's probably really irrelevant but I've always felt people will lump gambling addicts and poker addicts as the same when often (imo ofc) they can be very different. I could be 100% wrong about this, whatever.

I'm with krmont though, if he takes up poker again he should have SOMETHING to keep him in line and give other things in life a sense of value. Part time job seems the best way.

Regarding your backing situation I think we would all be able to give some more specific, better-suited advice if you give us some more information:

I'm firmly in the same camp that you shouldn't just ignore your staking obligations if you continue to grind poker but if at all possible work with your backers to find a mutually beneficial situation.

120k hands no MU 60/40 my way. Cash outs were never specified really since there was no point in time when I was up in the stake. I wouldn't want to leave my backers before atleast getting even on stake because they are friends of mine and the deal we made looks more like a favor than anything else.

I mean no MU is no MU. You have to be ruthlessly self-serving at this point.

I have had a no MU backing deal also with people I never wanted to leave at a loss. At one point though I was well over 60k in the hole and had to say to them, I need to leave and play elsewhere to make some money.

They were fine and I went back to play for them when I was financially better off.

Point taken, but I don't think it reduces the severity of the situation at all.

Find someone who you admire and care about you and talk to him/her about your situation.

Good luck.

I think WAZZ nailed the gambling problem, I read the thread yesterday and thought the same. You clearly have one, you said yourself leaving poker was not an option, for someone contemplating suicide, I think that says a lot.
I didn't say anything becuase frankly, most of us are functioning profitable addicts. We think becuase we are winning we are not addicts, but we are. Who are we to give advice on walking away.
A job could def help with your financial situation. Volunteering will do a lot more for your emotional well-being and social life, if you can find the time, and an organization that you support you will not regret this. As many have said keep getting help and talking to people who are important to you. GL DB

There's nothing for me to say that hasn't already been suggested in this thread, however I do not agree with the latter of krmont's msg. I really can't see how you can grind online part-time whilst having a part-time job... you will simply lose value for money (since poker is all you have done so far in life).

ie. you just make a sick bluff for $500 online and then you have to go to work and realise you need to work 50 hours (or whatever your wage is) just to recoup this single pot which occured in the matter of seconds. On the other hand, you have a sick $2k session and may think, whats the point of going to work? It'll take you a month to earn what you just made in a few hours with a job, so f**k it and you quit your job.

However, you most definitely can play part-time whilst studying. I can only suggest study and slowly play parttime, or quit poker altogether and start working.


Good luck

Our situations and lives are very different but this paragraph is way too close to home for me not to say something. I don't want to write the story here, let's just say a year and a half ago I was almost exactly how you describe yourself in this paragraph and now I'm doing a lot better.

The hardest thing to understand for people who haven't been there is that being really depressed is completely disorienting. The worst part isn't that everything feels like ****, it is that you have no idea where to aim or how to judge if you are making progress. So you just don't try, instead of trying and seeing only minor short-term benefit.

You have to suck it up and try anyway or the process never starts. The only thing you can do now is decide you want a better life eventually, try to do new things, and let the first step set up the rest. The goal of trying stuff right now isn't to fix your life, it is to fix how you look at life so later you can fix your life.

Try several ways to spend your time productively, consider several paths to being an self-sufficient adult, listen to advice and observe what balanced people around you are doing to be balanced. Definitely stick with meds. I have a really hard time believing you can pull yourself out without school or a non-poker job, but the exact details can go in any of hundreds of directions and none of us really know enough to judge if poker can play a role too.

You have tons of time, you just have get out of the house and start firing. Don't evaluate yourself on what happens in the short term. You have to flail around some to learn how to assess the options and the person you'll be when you're through this is not in charge of your brain right now.

You can hit me on skype any time to talk more

It's incorrect or at least misleading to say that all successful gamblers are problem gamblers. I think what separates the problem gambler from everyone else is that the problem gambler gets a rush out of losing, as well as a rush out of winning.

Just because we engage in habitual gambling for significant amounts of money and tie our success at poker to our happiness in some way does not mean we are all addicted to gambling. If the above was a definition of addiction, then I am also an addicted student, my mom is an addicted dietician, and my dad is an addicted computer programmer.

Gambling is certainly a more stressful activity than computer programming or being a student, and lends itself to self-destructive behavior. That doesn't mean that everyone who suffers stress caused by habitual gambling is an addicted gambler though.

Hit me up on Skype Sean... I don't have any available rooms, but you are more than welcomed to crash on my couch for as long as you want in Mexico and take your mind off of everything.