Think he posted a graph in small stakes of crushing Party games and mentioned getting out and about.

I owe you all an update, just want to make sure I get all my thoughts across since it's been so long

pretty awesome thread, funny that i would find it as a result of reading hsplo which i never wouldve done if i hadnt made a series of horrible life decisions that resulted in me going almost busto to the point of having to play mid/high live nl/plo. cliffs notes on my stupidity:

play mid/high stakes for years with 100/200-200/400 lhe/mixed games being my normal game for most of the time, run super good for a few months until im playing 200/400 nl 2-7 and 600/1200 mix live and up to 1k/2k online, run normal (actually having multiple 6 figure swings on a weekly basis instead of commerce being my $ printing press), get dumped by gf who meant the world to me likely mostly from me moping and being moody and dependent on her attention as a result of poker swings, go from running 3-6 miles a day and going to a personal trainer 1 hr a day 4 days a week to sitting in bed for 4+ days at a time locked in my room ignoring my best friend/housemate when he tried to knock on door or talk to me, not look at my phone for days at a time, the 1-2 times a week id go outside would be to either get repulsive mexican food or to go to commerce to light 50k on fire playing poker in a mindset i never shouldve been playing poker in, rinse and repeat for about a year with 50k losses turning into 30 into 20 into 10 etc etc until i was still overrolled for medium stakes games and reasonably money rolled for bigger games but not even close to psychologically rolled for anything but the softest of games. add black friday and then another year of depression and a monstrous spending habit (amazon prime ftl) and you basically have life melt down.

thing that helped me the most by far was having friends i could talk to and hang out with. i could be in the foulest of moods in LA or atlantic city or vegas (i would still go to ac or vegas and just lock myself in my room if something depressed me) but i would still forget my woes and have the best of times once my friends guilt tripped me into leaving the comfort of my cave. also we drank. a lot. i still get down on myself pretty often, luckily during wsop my friends wouldnt have any of it and lo and behold even tho i was depressed from busting whatever tourney i still had a great time at wet republic or XS or nobu or wherever.

adding on to what cts and jman and others said about having a to do list, for me having a "not to do" list has helped a lot in some respects. i shot up from about 185ish (already at least 15 lbs overweight) to ~235 at one point but finally decided that suicide by eating wasnt for me so im at around 190ish now. even just having a healthier diet can have a huge impact on your outlook, you will not feel nearly as sluggish if you stop eating things that have almost no food in their ingredients (most of my favorite treats fit this category). health is a huge factor in poker, when i have been eating healthy and exercising i can crank out 20+ hour live sessions where i feel like im playing my A game like theyre going out of style, when im treating my body like **** i get about 8 hours (and 4-5 hours in im bored and tired) before im exhausted and unraveling psychologically. unhealthy people just arent as good at anything as fit people (except dying), its as simple as that. poker may be a sedentary activity but being physically fit will go a long ways to making you mentally fit.

anyway, a big thanks for posting this, you are definitely not alone. there are quite a few ppl who have obliterated huge sums of money, most of them lie to themselves and say they were unlucky or this or that, even when you were suffering from crippling depression unable to leave you room you were at least able to recognize what was wrong and you wanted to work on it which was a good step in the right direction. from the sound of it you are doing better which is great to hear. looking forward to reading your update in the near future.

you're doing it wrong

that may be but were still not going to the rhino

nit

also, now that i actually read your post, i noticed you left out the part that happened at the bar at ocean's

Lookin forward to the update db . Hopefully a nice inspiring graph of your comeback also

+1, looking forward to read it

Update plz

This ^

Hello everyone. I know it's been a good while since I've updated this thread. Since I last updated I had made real no progress. I was utterly ashamed that I had gotten all this good advice and kind words from people I looked up to and admired and hadn't been able to do anything with it.

I would sit in all day and night, play a stupid video game ALL day. It was an MMO and to further character development I had to do daily tasks to maximize myself which after awhile became not fun and super tedious, but it was mindless and gave me something to do while doing nothing at all. The game also doubled as a social outlet that enabled me to be carefree and child like, releasing my most morbid thoughts into a chat channel or voice channel and getting double the jollies when a teenager or someone in my 20's in a similar situation of lifelessness got a kick out of it. It's like real life with more dragons and much less women. Much, much less women.

I would spend my nights attempting to force tears, anger, any sort of emotion out of myself in bed, sometimes beating myself because I hated myself so much. It's 4am, I'm trying to force interaction on any sort of networking site or chat site with randoms in total desperation wondering why no one would talk to me. I isolated myself from places where people who may be wondering how I was doing were, but would think day in and day out how awesome it would feel if someone would ask me how I was that day or what was on my mind.

This went on until late May when my mother lost her job. Fairy tale-esque tragedy that gave me the motivation to grind, and grind I did. I ended up playing more poker in June and working harder on poker than I had in who knows how long. I ended up having a very good month and am now able to support the family until things change.

My mother is now attempting to work independently and do something she enjoys. Whether this is the smartest move for her, I am doubtful, but she supported me in my downtime and is more supporting of me living a frugal lifestyle than anyone else, so I will gladly support her as long as she needs me.

My June poker success brought me July life success as I left my house for the first time. I was able to do dinner with poker friends several times which helped me to realize that my life is great and that I'm an incredibly fortunate person, my misanthropy is not totally justified, and that it's OKAY to be myself.

That last bit was a huge one for me as finding out that I'm not so bad is such a huge thing that will manifest itself into confidence and happiness that people will gravitate towards. I'm self sufficient, without evil intent, and am an incredibly thoughtful person. I have a lot of things to like and be proud of myself for.

In the last month I've done dinners, dates (with actual girls!), drugs with randoms, and slept with the occasional hooker. I'm working out everyday to improve my form for the ladies and I hear it's good to be a generally healthy human being. The allure of a decent lady friend will probably be my biggest and most sought after obstacle as I'm 20, in Las Vegas, and not all that experienced. Women who have reached the promise land of 21+ in America want nothing to do with a man who can't drink, and women who are younger generally suck at life and ended up making me feel way better about myself. My sample size with them is pretty small, but god did those experiences suck.

I'm now looking forward to a less degen-y lifestyle. I will continue to find good people who I enjoy being around and setting small goals for myself like finding sick value oysters, running x amount of miles one day, finding some nice fresh produce and making a meal. I can be happy with things like these.

If I'm unable to break through that last bastion of the Vaginal Kingdom, Canada and other places await once I'm able to leave my family and I will crush poker in the mean time.

My life will be awesome and has been up this point. I can't wait to see where it goers.

Thanks again to everyone who posted and read this thread. I don't see myself being alive today had I not come back and read some posts here the few dozen times I did.

- DB

Glad you are feeling better. Love the sense of humor shining through in that post. Life is fun and I hope you keep that spirit.

Good Luck

Reading this makes me so happy. Good on you mate, keep going.

good times Sean, really happy for you