Not linking you to be a dick, I feel like this comic should be pretty enlightening to anyone who hasn't dealt with anything like this: http://www.akimbocomics.com/?p=573

wtf people he's 60k in the hole from poker, and just spent the last 4 months in his mom's basement not talking to anyone and said he has suicidal thoughts you think he should just buck up/go to school/grind a bit.

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.

At least Lee Jones was on the right path, getting back into poker is not the right step at the moment. At least getting a job would allow social interaction, get you out of the house, and provide some stream of income. Once you are on some form of a balanced life style then you can THINK about touching poker again. But jumping right back into poker is going to put way too much pressure on your success, you are going to try to make it all back way to quick. Just because you made a bunch of money playing HSPLO at one point doesn't mean that you deserve to be grinding it again, its going to be a slow process to get your life back but its entirely possible.

Sounds like typical depression symptoms, def don't try grinding it all back anytime soon. You need to sort out your mental state, which should involve going to your GP and consider counselling + antidepressants. Like others have said, going to uni/college is almost definitely gonna have a positive impact on your life.

You have the skill set to play poker and make money, but is not necessarily the best thing for you to do at this moment in time.

Like you said in your original post, you are more than likely to be at a really good place in your life at some point, you just need to get on the right track.

Get a part time job at first, start going to the gym daily (even if you only stretch for 20 mins and leave), don't drink anything but water, and forget about poker imo

Btw going to school also gets you mandatory health insurance that's hopefully covered by financial aid. That will help pay for therapy that frankly you really need.

You have money @ FT though right Door. When you get your money go straight to Vegas and put it on the favorite in the Superbowl. The favorite always covers on even years for the superbowl. Thats what Im doing . Degens going degen

I like this advice the best. Just do SOMETHING. Another option is to get a bit of money together and go to somewhere like Thailand for a month or so. Completely mix things up, see a different culture. People are generally pretty happy over there too, it's a nice enviroment. But yeah, you have to do something. Go for a run now.

I was remiss in not mentioning what grizy and others have said. There's a very real chance you're suffering from clinical depression. One does not just "snap out of it"; it's a chemical imbalance. If that's what you're dealing with, then poker will be one-way ticket to hell.

Get to a competent mental health professional and find out if you have depression. There are drugs that are damn near miracle pills for many/most people these days; they will allow you to get back on track with your life.

Regards, Lee

Would really have to disagree strongly with the concept of miracle pills as a cure for depression - I think working things out by changing your environment/ daily routine is a much better idea if you can do it.

I'm not sure pursuing something like online poker at the moment is going to be the best thing for your mindset. Its tough enough when you're not in a fragile mind state. I actually do agree that getting a job/ going to college is going to be the best thing for you. It will boost your self-esteem to be able to help you Mum out and most importantly give yourself a routine to get yourself out of bed in the mornings. You will meet more normal people your age and give you time to re-assess things. I'm not saying quit poker forever - but I don't think its the smart option right now. You are a smart guy and you're not going to have trouble getting a job and working things out from there once you get yourself out of this funk you've got in to.

Good advice here. Medication should be a last resort... Sounds like you need a change in surroundings.

"I wake up at varying hours of the day, I do nothing, and hope that I'm able to fall asleep as soon as I can."

This is a sign of a very severe depression. If its possible I advise you to see a psychologist as soon as possible. Tons of poker players are seeing psychologists/therapists all the time...there is nothing strange about that.
(Lots of huge winners(/luckboxes) etc...also.)


What you write then is ofc a confirmation of the above

"Thoughts of taking my life constantly flood my mind"

This mental state is not going to last for ever. You are 20 - something -, bright obv (even tho that doesnt matter at all really), you have a family etc...
and the ability to turn this around.


Most of this is just in your head.

I agree with Lee:

"I will wish you a clear head"



edit: I dont agree with the poster above. Medication + therapy is SUPER standard in these cases.

“the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”

Realize that life != poker.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are so young, you're smart, you can do great things in life. Right now, you have many options: You can get all kinds of part-time jobs, you absolutely SHOULD enroll in college imo (apply for financial aid). Don't postpone these! Go and apply!

Regarding your physical and mental health, slowly start running/exercising (as much as you can for now). Mental health will improve drastically as you do all of the above imo.

I can't quit poker cold turkey. This is all I've done for the last three years and is all that I really feel that I'm good at, or have the potential to be good at. Even tho I'm down now, I've gotten so much from poker. Despite this, I feel like I'm owed something from this (tho I know really, I'm owed squat). Some sort of freedom to do what I enjoy and not be in the spot I'm in, but we all know life isn't fair. Someone outside of the poker world would quickly label this as an addiction. I would agree.

I've been diagnosed with depression and have been on and off meds since I was 15. I've been taking what I'm on now for almost a year and feel weird when I'm without them, but they aren't filled with chemical happiness, atleast for me.

I've also spent a lot of time with psychiatrists with varying results. I certainly would never have had it in me to globe-trot without the help of the one I had last seen.

Going to school makes sense, but I don't know if I have it in me. I would have to go to a community college because I dropped out of high school and got my GED. I don't think that this would equate to the college experience that I've heard from many is pretty awesome.

Wrt medication, it should preferably be avoided, but I guess it can help in some cases (although, as I understand it, there is no clear evidence for it helping except in very few cases, but maybe just the placebo effect will help).

Anyway, I really feel like every post that doesn't have the word "college" in it should be disregarded (maybe I can stretch it to posts with "college" and/or "job") - it is just such a good experience for almost anyone: you make friends, you act like a normal kid, you evolve as a person, you drink and party, you actually do something productive and you learn something. You get none of this from sitting in your mom's basement and making(/losing) $1M playing online poker.

If db is as smart as I think he is, finding an intellectual pursuit/interest outside of poker should be a huge priority as well imo, which obviously is an argument for going to college. Poker just isn't that interesting in the grand scheme of things (life), so go to college and try to find other stuff that interests you (girls, parties, intellectual subjects etc).

So take a break from poker, maybe travel a bit as was recommended above. Then start in college when you can and down the road you can maybe take up poker again - as was also mentioned above, even grinding small midstakes will make you feel like a millionaire compared to your college friends.